2 treatments under my belt!

Yep, I started on Thursday. You cannot imagine how many things are going through your head while you lay there! I know that it is actually DOING something, but I swear, I feel like it's time wasted! I go in, take off my top and put on a hospital gown, lay down in my "cradle" that I mentioned in a previous post, with my arms above my head, and it's very uncomfortable, flat on my back! Anyway, wait for them to get me positioned just right so that the lasers line up where they are suppose to, remember I can't move at all while they are doing this, I was even asked not to chew my gum the first day!!!! Then they walk out of the room and I'm left alone with this very large piece of equipment hovering over me, then there is a loud buzzing sound for several seconds then they return to do it all over again for a total of 3 times, then it's over. I go back and get dressed and come back the next day and this will go on for 33 business days, lol. I say that because I don't go on weekends and I don't go on holidays. You'd think I'd be excited to be done, and I am, but I haven't even looked at a calendar to see when my last one would be. I also need to ask them what would happen in the case of bad weather or if me or one of the kids were sick. Speaking of the kids, the twins have their Christmas party at school this coming Wednesday and then they are out for break. Autumn, my 7yr old daughter, finally worked up the nerve to get her ears pierced! They look so cute! How's the weather there? We are finally getting some snow! Mostly flurries all day, but there is a chance of a couple of inches tonight! I've been itching for a good snow for a few weeks now, so I would love to see some of the white stuff! Well, I can't think of much else to write about, so it's off of here for me. Thanks for visiting me!

To cry, or not to cry?

Ok, before I decide to cry or not, I'll tell you about Monday. I had an appointment with Dr. Holt to get my port removed, and everything went fine. I had gotten myself a little too worked up before hand and was pretty nervous about it, but that was all for nothing! I had read somewhere that having a port removed was comparable to having the drains removed (after mastectomy), and I remember that to be quite painful, so I was scared, just to be honest! Guess what, that statement, at least for me, was sooooo wrong! The whole thing was a piece of cake, lol! They took my back to the procedure room, got me in a not-so-flattering paper top, at least it was pink and that was the only thing it had going for it!! Then it was time to get numbed up, which meant a needle, ugh! Lucky for me, needles have never been an issue, so I was ok! Doc said that would be the worst part, so I decided at that point that this really was no big deal. We, (me, the dr, and his wonderful nurse Donna :)) carried on a conversation pretty much the whole time. We talked about everything from slaughtering hogs to the kinds of music we listen to. I've said it before and will say it again, I love going to their office! They all make feel like a person instead of just another patient! Anyway, back to the port! So he gets in there and sees that it has settled more than usual, he says it may be since it was placed the same time I had my mast. and it just sunk down in the empty space a little more than it would have if it had been put in at another time. But he got it out and stitched me back up! (And what was that smelly stuff that you guys rubbed on it? Smells like cinnamon or something and it made me sick the rest of the day!!) So anyway, I asked to keep the port. I knew my kids would think it was cool and I thought some of you might be interested to see it, too! Here it is...

Pretty neat, huh? As always, it was great seeing the girls at the front desk, Kendra and Geah, love you gals! (Tory, I hate I missed you for the second time, but hope you had a good trip!) Donna, it was great to see you too, you're always so sweet to me!! And as for Dr. Holt, I always have fun giving you a hard time! I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas!!
And, now, for the crying! I had an appointment with a radiologist yesterday. Keep in mind this was just for a consult, and also recall that I was told in the beginning that no radiation would be required. From that you can probably guess what I'm gonna write next. Ok, so we meet this Dr, he's very nice, very informative. Gives me an exam, which I still can't understand getting an exam when I was just suppose to be talking with him, but I guess it's standard procedure. Anywho, when we do get around to the talking, he tells us about the studies he knows of consisting of women with similar statistics to me and that there was a great number of them that done better with chemo PLUS radiation as opposed to those with chemo alone. So guess what, I am now set up to do 33 rounds of radiation! I so did not want to do radiation! But I have to do all that I can to be able to stick around a while, right? So they were able to go ahead and do some of the stuff yesterday, to get me ready for the actual radiation. They made a "cradle" for me to lay in so I will be in the same position every time, it was pretty neat. There was this thing that looked like a trash bag, only blue, and they filled it with some kind of liquid foam stuff, then had me lay on it so it would form to my body then it hardened. I was marked where the beams would go, then tattooed! Yep, left that place with 5 tats! Ok, so they are tiny and look like blackheads, but they are tattoos, none the less, lol! They are gonna call me sometime next week and tell me when to come back to get started. I keep telling myself it's just another obstacle to get through and it will be over soon. It was not too bad, at least the Dr was nice and so was his staff, so that's a plus. I've learned, the hard way, that if you tell yourself one thing and are convinced that that thing will or will not happen, that most of the time the complete opposite will happen! I had already told myself (actually the dr told me) a long time ago that there would be no radiation, so after chemo I would be all done. Then BAM, I have to have it! I think that's what is making it seem so bad. Oh well, there ya go. Merry Christmas to me! I'll let ya know what it's like!

Just everyday stuff...

Thanksgiving went great. It just felt GOOD to be with all my extended family. I even got to see my step-brother, and it has been YEARS since I seen him! After that, we went camping. What was the one thing I forgot that we really needed??? GLOVES! I remembered real quick while Doug and I were setting up the camper, after dark, and it was cold! No big deal, we needed to make a WalMart run and I knew I could get the cheap ones that were less than $1, and I did. Yes, we got up and did the crazy shopping thing Friday! Got a few things, but not everything, I still have some more shopping to do. I'm sure it will be like always, I'll be shopping til the very last minute! Anyway, back to the camping, it was great, cold, but great! We did a fire one evening, but didn't stay out too long. We were gonna take the kids to Dollywood to see the lights one evening, but when they figured out that they wouldn't get to ride anything, they wanted to just stay at the camper and play games. That ended up being tons of fun! We played Old Maid and Go Fish for a very long time, even had hot chocolate with marshmallows, lol! A movie topped off the evening, all of us cuddled up in our jammies and warm blankets! I would have stayed all week if we could! This week has been pretty laid back, nothing going on. Next week will be another story. Monday I will go and have my port taken out then a consult with a radiologist on Wed.. I hope to be creating a new blog soon, just for my scrapbook pages. I'll be sure and add a link here when I do!!***UPDATE*** I have it up, but don't have the link here yet. But all you have to do is click on "my profile" to the right, and there should be a link there called "Total Scrap".

Had a Dr appt today...

and everything was just fine! I had a little bit of a fever, and she was concerned about that but couldn't find a source for it, so let it go. She was pleased with everything, blood work was great. I have been having some pretty bad headaches lately, and so I was sure to mention that. Not that I am worried that it is "anything", but just to be on the safe side. I'm thinking it could be many things, like the weather changing, or adjusting to no chemo, or sinus. Doc said it was possibly a combination of all three. Your body has to totally readjust after chemo, just like it does when you start. Since the chemo depleted all my hormones and played around with all the rest of my body, my body has to go through the process of getting it all back to normal again, and evidently headaches are very normal during this. The bloating caused by steroids can linger around for up to 6months!! UGH! But what's 6 more months, right? Small price to pay, the way I look at it! We decided against the genetic testing, but asked about having a hysterectomy anyway, for preventative measures. They are gonna check to see what insurance says about that and let me know. And then, a bit of a surprise, I have to go talk to a radiologist! She had very good reasoning to back it up, so I'm going with it. The Dr I am suppose to have a consult with is suppose to be very knowledgeable about recent and current studies dealing with radiation. They think it's just a good idea for me to get his opinion, given my age and that I'm triple negative, all that good stuff. I guess it's the same as getting a second opinion. That will happen the 1st week of Dec.. Also, that same week, I will be going to my surgeon to have my port removed!! YAY!!! I'm really excited about this, I hate the dern thing! And as long as nothing comes up, I will not go back to the oncologist office until FEB!!! I won't know what to do with myself on Wednesdays, lol! I'm so thankful the Lord saw fit for me to get through it so well. Speaking of thankful, I'm excited about seeing my family tomorrow on turkey day. Sad to say, this is about the only time I see most of them. There is a new baby in the family, new as in not even a week old, and I hope to get to see him, if him and mommy are up to it. I'll be taking my camera and hope to get some good snapshots. After we visit and stuff ourselves silly, we're gonna head to the Smokey Mtns for a wknd camping trip! Last one til at least spring. Can't wait, campfire, snuggling, hot chocolate with marshmallows! It's gonna be fun! Hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving!! And if you don't read this til afterwards, hope you HAD a great Thanksgiving!

So now what?

What on earth will I do on Wednesdays now that I am done with treatments? LOL! I still have lot of appointments, at least one a week through the end of the month and maybe even in to December. I'm not sure how long I have to have my weekly blood work. When I go next week, if my counts are ok, I will get my flu shot. It'll be the first one I've ever had, and after getting the flu two times last year, I promised myself that I would get one this year! Then blood work the week after that, and the following week will be time for my appt with the oncologist, and the week after that I have to have my port flushed. Then I know for sure that 3 out of the 5 of us have dentist appointments this month. The twins will be celebrating their 7th birthday this Sunday. Nana also has a birthday this month. And we can't forget Thanksgiving!! Wow, this month is crammed, I just thought I would get to rest since treatments are over! I have got to get major SERIOUS about my weight! Not only will it help keep the risk down for the cancer to come back, but I can't get my reconstruction done until I get some of it off. I think I will be asking for a month's membership to the gym from several family members, that would work wouldn't it? But I need to start before then, with better eating habits at least. Well, on to something different, how was Halloween? We had a good one. Despite being tired from chemo, I managed to get the kids in costume. Ethan changed his mind at the last minute. He was suppose to be Groucho Marx with the funny glasses and black hat, but ended up being a farmer. Autumn was a witch. Grayson was the cutest lil cowboy ever! It might have something to do with the fact that I was just super proud that I made his costume, very cleverly and CHEAP! For his vest, I just got some of the felt sheets at WM, cut them in a vest shape and left enough on the sides for fringe, then sewed them on a shirt he already had, and for the pants, I used a pair of his jeans and the chaps are made from a pair of pj's I had! Just cut them out and sewed 'em on! Of course I used really big stitches so I could take everything off since it was clothes he normally wears. The hat was one that Autumn or Ethan wore for kindergarten graduation, so we already had that too. His mamaw took him and bought his some cowboy boots. She bought him a sheriff's badge too but he wouldn't wear it when it came time, lol! Anyway, here are some pics so you can see for yourself.




Doug's mom took them to family close by before I got home from chemo, then I took me and Doug took them to their kindergarten teacher's house that lives really close, and then down to Doug's brother's house. And that was it, terrible isn't! Believe it or not, they got just as much candy as if we had went to 20 houses, so I don't feel bad at all! I'm tired. I was really hoping that I wouldn't feel as bad this week as I did last, but I'm not sure it's gonna happen. Last wknd was BAD! I stayed in bed all day long Sunday, and didn't do much on Monday either. I'm just glad it's over so I can concentrate on feeling better now. I'm going to Kim's tomorrow for some scrapping, but I may just work on some "thank you" cards since I haven't sent any out to those that donated to my race fund, especially if I'm not feeling good. And a special note for my aunt Barbara, thank you so much for always leaving me a comment! Love ya bunches and I hope your beach trip was great!!

Had a bit of a scare Tuesday evening. Nothing major, and "scare" might even be too strong of a word to use, but none the less, I was worried. I hadn't felt real well since last weeks treatment. I just convinced myself that it was where I had skipped the week before and was just taking it a little harder. I was so tired all week and just could not get enough sleep. Yeah, I know, that's typical side effects of being on chemo. But I have felt so "normal" up until now and I guess I have just been naive to think that I had made it this far that I would have it licked, it didn't matter that my oncologist have told me that the symptoms would occur towards the end of treatments. Anyway, back to Tues evening. I had a small energy burst and decided to do a bit of picking up in the living room, go through some of the kids' shoes and then was gonna wash some dishes that had been piling up on me. Got a few things done and vacuumed, well that made me break out in a cold sweat, soaked my shirt, and I didn't have a large area to vacuum either. So much for getting to the dishes. I had to take me a shower to wash the sweaty grime and cool myself off and then I camped out on the couch a while. I could tell my temp was going up and sure enough, the thermometer read 99.6. And I know that isn't considered high by normal means, but it isn't exactly great for someone doing chemo and have been told countless times to call someone at the office or whoever was on call if it ever got to 100.0. I tried to rest as much as I could, but that isn't the easiest thing to do with a 3yr old just getting up from a good nap and it was also time to pick up the other two from school. Got them home and their homework out of the way and I returned to my spot on the couch/recliner with my book. I feel so bad having these bad days, for Doug. If I haven't mentioned it before, we live on a cattle farm, that he takes care of almost by himself. Granted he doesn't have as much to do as some farmers, he still has livestock to feed and a few other farm chores that have to be done on a daily basis. Plus he works a full time job during the day. So for me not to feel well means that he will have to do my evening stuff like supper and bathes. I was started to get lightheaded when I stood up and a little out of sorts, my temp, had indeed, went up to 100.0. Ok, so now what? It was about 6:30 and there was probably still somebody in the office if I called, but what would happen then? I would have been happy if I would just be told to drink fluids and keep an eye on it, but I knew in my heart that wouldn't be the response I would get. It would be more along the lines of "come by the office so we can give you some iv fluids" or "head to the er so you can get iv fluids", neither of which I was fond of, and besides I would be seeing the Dr the next day. Made the decision to keep a CLOSE eye on the temp and promised myself that I would call if it went up anymore, AT ALL! It didn't, thankfully. So, get up Wed morning, feeling ok, temp is down. Get the kids off to school, get Grayson to my in-laws', yadda yadda yadda. Turns out that the symptoms will sometimes hit all at once, towards the end of treatment, instead of gradually coming on. ARGH! It seems convenient for them to leave out little, but oh so important, details! Still don't know what the temp could have been, my blood work was normal, really good actually. He says when I see him for the next appointment, in 4 weeks, he wants to talk to me about seeing a genetic counselor and have the genetic testing done. This will be to see if I carry a certain cancer markers. If I do then he will strongly recommend a total hysterectomy because I will be at a high risk of the cancer showing up in either my ovaries and/or uterus. Since Doug and I decided after Grayson was born that we were happy with our family and I had my tubes tied, this is not as upsetting as it potentially could be. There will be A LOT to think about with this test though. And I have went back and forth, weighing the pros and cons, all I have to say is that I will have to pray hard about this decision. If the insurance decides not to pay for the test, it will be $3,000.00 out of our pockets. If we go ahead and then it shows that the markers are present, my will have to deal with higher insurance premiums from now on because it means that they may potentially carry it as well. Kim brought up a very good point which I have thought about a lot, why not just go ahead with the hysterectomy, without having the genetic testing. I mean, we know we don't want anymore children, and it pretty much is the same as deciding to have my right breast removed to prevent the cancer from developing in that side. But, like I said, I won't see him again for 4wks, and I plan on doing a lot of research on the topic between now and then. Then was told I can expect to keep feeling tired for the next few weeks til I'm done and it starts working it's way out of my system. My chemo nurse said something that put it perfect perspective for me. She said that the steroids that I am on are giving me a FALSE feeling of having energy which makes me "think" I feel ok and like I can do things when in reality I don't have no where near the energy I think in turn making me over do it most of the time when I attempt something. It's just funny that something so simple can make so much sense!! Good news is that I just have one more chemo treatment to go and I AM DONE!!! WOW! Bittersweet. For the other triple negs out there with me, you know what I mean. I won't have the sense on security being able to take a pill everyday for the next 5yrs to prevent it from coming back. I have to get off of here. The twins have a field trip to the pumpkin patch today and I want to go with them. I need to decide which hair to wear, I don't the other kids asking them why their mommy's hair looks like it does. They are totally comfortable with it now, but I still don't want to make things hard on them at school, they have enough to deal with! I'll leave you with an odd fact, my very last chemo treatment will fall on Halloween day, freaky!!

Yes, I'm still alive!

You would think that I would get more comments considering that every time I go somewhere there is at least one person telling that they read my blog all the time! LOL!! Oh well, I guess that's just life, hehe. Had a treatment today, only TWO more to go!!! I can't believe it, it seems like just yesterday that I was dreading the 16 treatments and I thought that 5months sounded like an eternity. If there is anyone reading that is starting to go into this, I thought of something that might be helpful. Bug spray!!! Why, you might ask. Simple, mosquitoes consider you to be an all you can eat buffet while on chemotherapy. I'm pretty sure it has just been since starting the Taxol, honestly I just can't remember. I can go out to my car to get something and right back in the house and get at least 3 bites. We went to the survivors banquet a couple evenings before the race, and I sat and talked to the girls from the dr's office for a long while, and forgot the bug repellent. Well, just let me tell ya, I regretted that, BIG TIME!!! One of the little suckers, no pun intended, lol, must have gotten in my shirt, cause I had all kinds of bites in my back and shoulders! Between those and the ones on my ankles, me and Doug counted a whopping 21 bites!!! And that is new bites, not the ones that were already on the mend. I wasn't one to have a problem with them before either. On to other Taxol issues, I have mentioned before that one of the side effects would be tingling and numbing in the fingers and toes, but that it would be towards the end of treatment. Well, here it is, almost the end, and sure enough I have been noticing tingling sensation in my hands. It's a familiar feeling, like when you have your arm propped up on the table or something for a long time and it goes to sleep? It's sorta like that, very weird, that's for sure! I have also noticed that my legs feel very heavy, especially right after treatment and feel like jello when I have been sitting for a while then get up, but that usually fades a few days after chemo. My hair is coming back quite fast! It is really getting thick now, and it even ticks out a little over my glasses, lol! (yes, I have been made aware that the pic didn't show up from the last post, I'll fix it, sometime, lol!) I probably look like I am trying very hard, and failing very badly, at sporting a short do!! UGH, and the bloating from the steroids, oh I could just scream!! I could easily pass as being preggers, at least 7-8mos along, lol! My clothes are tight around the middle and nothing is comfy. I'll be so glad when I the water weight comes off, at least that's what my oncologist has told me, that it will come off quick. We'll see! Now, all of the chemo stuff out of the way, let me tell you about my previous wknd. It was wonderful! Just what I needed to relax and get away from "cancer" for a couple of days! Every year, for the past 6yrs, Kim and I have been going to a scrapbook crop called Croptoberfest, or CTF for short. It is held in the mountains at a baptist youth camp, so it's intended for teens, meaning the beds are uncomfortable, lol! Bunk beds at that! In bunk houses! And a tiny bathroom shared by 10-12 women! But I was a little spoiled this year, there is a private room right off the dining hall, where we scrap, that was just one bed and a private bathroom, and I was assigned there, and Kim pulled a mattress in there to keep me company! Man, was it nice! I don't mean 5 star hotel nice, but just nice that I was able to use it and not have to walk back and forth to the bunkhouses, that are on a hill, that would have drained me for sure! But a good friend of Kim's, and has since became a good friend of mine, invited us several years ago and we have been going ever since, it's a blast! We just scrap and laugh the whole wknd, I couldn't ask for anything better! I have posted a special thank you to Dianne on my blog before, well, she's the one who makes the whole wknd possible, she's amazing! She had picked up a copy of "Dear God, They Say It's Cancer" and brought me. I haven't had time to sit down and start reading it, but I did thumb trough it while I was there and loved everything I read! Lot's of great quotes and bible verses. I enjoyed being on my "soapbox" this wknd too, lol! I was able to tell my story to a feel souls willing to listen, thanks gals, you know who you are! And Janice, I'm so sorry you had to sit and listen through them all, lol. Speaking of Janice, it was wonderful spending the wknd with her, she has become a very important friend. She lives in Fl and flies into TN, we pick her up and provide her with items not feasible to bring on a plane. Then throughout the year while waiting on CTF to roll back around, we chat online, etc., just goes to show that you can have a great friendship with someone no matter what the distance between you. I didn't get near as much done as one would think considering I was there from Thurs til Sun, but I did manage to crank out a few pages and some cards, so I cannot complain. I am still trying to get caught up on my rest, but it was well worth it! Ok, I'm gonna go. I'll see if I can get the picture posted, it's of me and Doug at the beach last month and you should be able to see how my hair has grown. I might even try getting a more recent one tomorrow, it really has taken off since that beach pic was made.

I DID IT!!!!

I DID IT!!! I walked the whole 3.1miles of the Susan G. Komen Race For the Cure today! I'm beyond exhausted, but still at the same time feel better than I have in a long time! There were a few times that I would have almost gave in and rode the trolley back to the finish line, but I didn't. I toughed it out. It took me 1hr and 7min, but I done it! (see, Tory, I told you it would take me longer than an hour, lol!) There was a few things that put a small damper on things, but nothing that ruined the day. One thing, it was WAY TOO HOT!!! Here it is Oct and it was in the 90's, ugh! So we're walking, walking, walking, and I'm thinking that it should be time to start seeing a water station, I was really needing it. And, finally, we came to one and guess what, they were OUT!!! No water left. Ok, so no water, I'll just have to deal with it, I'll get some at the next station. We finally come up on the next one, and guess what, NO CUPS!! ARGH!!!! Man was I ever so upset! Finally, one of the main ladies with the tricities branch of the Komen foundation found a way to get in touch with them back at the park and told them that there were lots of people that wasn't getting water. It wasn't long til they drove their little Mule out to the back of the walk and gave us very cold bottled water!!! I don't know if I would have been able to finish without it! And ya know what, I didn't even stop and rest! Now THAT surprised even me! Something else that surprised me, I was the 3rd top fundraiser in the whole race! Thanks to so many of you, I was able to raise $1,235.00! Is that not simply amazing!?!?! Holy cow, I still can't believe that I raised that much money! THANKS TO ALL OF THOSE WHO DONATED!!! This weekend was just great, that's all there is to it. Doug and I was able to attend the survivors banquet on Friday evening, that was great. I got to chat with a bunch of the girls from my surgeons office, I LOVE these girls, I wish Geah and Donna would have been there to talk to too though. Then today I got to see everybody that came to walk with me, my dad and step-mom, my aunt Margret and uncle Glen, my sister and her husband, my MIL, BIL and SIL, my SIL's mom, my cousin Delana, my long time friend Tonya, and her sweet aunt Bobby, my friend Alice, and then my friends Amy and Mitzi got hung up in traffic and didn't make it in time to actually walk, but they were there, none the less! Oh, and I almost forgot, my dad and stepmom's friends, Dorothy and Otis. Needless to say, I was feeling pretty darn special today! I'm so blessed! And I'm gonna leave it at that!

Guess what I just did....

I walked a mile! LOL!! I know some people may be reading this and saying "so?", but that is amazing for me. First of all, I'm not in shape to do any kind of exercise, so walking AT ALL is a small victory for me, then add the fatigue from the chemo to being out of shape and overweight and it makes it a pretty big victory. I had good intentions of starting a lot sooner than this to prepare myself for the 3mi walk coming up this wknd, but I just kept putting it off til "tomorrow" and here it is just days til we walk. But this morning I really did it. Got the kids ready for school, got the little one in real clothes instead of leaving him in his jammies all day, loaded up the stroller, dropped the kids off at school, and headed over to the park. The park has a really nice place to walk and the weather was great, cool but not too cool, just right. Grayson was content riding in his "buggy", don't know where he got that from, but it was funny. There were squirrels everywhere, so it kept him busy looking for the next one. I just hope I'm not so sore in the morning that I'll talk myself out of going again. We'll see, lol!
The fundraising has really went above and beyond my expectations. I never would have imagined that I would have raised what I have, I just like $25 to meet my $700 goal!! But I haven't done it alone, Kim baked up a bunch of goodies and sold them where she works and Billy also took some to sell where he works. Kim also ordered some really pretty bracelets and sold them, and Arlene, my wonderful stepmother, sold some where she works too. And THEN, I ordered some other pink merchandise, like calendars and ink pens and stuff, and Arlene took those to work with her last night. Friends and family have made generous donations, and all are very much appreciated! I will update my thank you list when all donations have been taken. The walk/race isn't until Sunday, but there is a special survivors party on Friday night that I want to go to, then there is a concert on Saturday I think. It's just all very exciting and I'm really looking forward to it!
This round of chemo treatments are starting to show their side effects. More than likely it's the steroids. My face is puffy, my hands and feet swell really easy, my stomach is swelled a little, I can tell that my shirts are tighter around the middle, more than usual. I have also started to notice a little bit of tingling in my fingers occasionally, nothing major, but I can tell it's starting. The feeling of wanting to eat everything all the time has kinda settled down, not staying hungry ALL the time like I was. I'm just glad that I only have 4 more left! And my hair, oh my hair, I just don't know what it's doing, lol! It's growing back, pretty fast, and it's getting thicker, I can tell when I wash it that it's getting thick, but I still can't really "see" it, lol. I know that doesn't make much sence, but I can't help it. I'm guessing that it's just really light maybe. It still feels good to rub, so soft! I have a pic to show you that you can see my hair, so you can decide. The pic is of my dear husband, Doug, and me at the beach last wknd. It was a lot of fun, and very relaxing!

Just a Reminder...

If you want to help sponsor me in the Race For the Cure, get your donations in. Time is running out! The race is next Sunday, EEK!!! Less than two weeks away! I still have a ways to go to meet my goal, so every donation is very much appreciated! Here is the page to go to so you can make your online donation. And if you want to register to walk with me, you can go to the same page and then there is a place on the left that says "register for the event". You don't have to, but you are more than welcome to join the Holston Medical Group team, that's the team I'm on. Gotta go, today is treatment #8, just 4 more after this one!

Better post while it's fresh on my mind, and since I haven't posted in over a week. Sorry guys, hope no one has missed me too awful bad ;) I'll start out telling you about Autumn's week, my 6yr old daughter. Sunday night at bedtime, she got up and told me and her dad that her tooth was bleeding and it was ready to come out, we checked it and I didn't really think it was ready, but there was no convincing her of that. So her and her daddy wiggled and messed with it for a while and did manage to get it a little bit loser, and, of course, bleeding more, but wasn't having any luck actually getting it out. So I tied a piece of dental floss too it and got it stuck!!! Well, it had to come out then, or take her to the emergency room to get the floss off, lol. Good ole dad gave it a yank and out it came! That was one of the top front, the other top front had already been pulled and was about half way grown back. THEN, if that wasn't enough, she gets up right after we put them to bed on Tuesday night, (she's one of those kids that finds a million and one reasons to get up when you put them in bed!) saying another tooth was bleeding, yes she lays in bed messing with them to get them loose, so I check it and sure enough, it was ready to come out too. Dad had just went to bed so I figured I could try this one on my own. It would have came out on the first try if she hadn't pulled my arm away, but the second attempt was a go, came right out. Being a major snaggle tooth is really no big deal giver her age, but the real winner....they had school pics made the next day! Oh, I didn't tell you which tooth THIS one was, it was on the other side of the top one that was half grown back! So she has half a tooth in the front on top, LOL! Just makes her that much cuter!! Maybe I will get a pic and show you. Yesterday morning we're getting ready for school and I rolled her hair with my curling brush, knowing it won't stay, but more just to keep it "tame", she has some super fly aways!! I had her look in the mirror to she what she thought, and keep in mind, it did NOT look any different than normal, just not flying away everywhere and I had put a very very small clip to the side pulling some of her bangs back a little, well she's use to a ponytale everyday and didn't much care for what I had done. She informed me what she thought by saying "Mom, my hair looks like I just got out of bed and my momma didn't brush it!". Ah, out the mouths of babes! It makes me laugh now, but it really made me mad when she said it, lol! She's a character, that one, I tell ya! Never a dull moment! I could write a book about her and her "ways", but Ethan, doesn't talk much, keeps to himself and is perfectly content that way! Grayson, on the other hand, is just like his sister with a tad of his brother mixed in. When I found out I was pregnant, I wanted a little girl with Ethan's personality but figured I would end up with a boy with Autumn's personality. Did I ever hit the nail on the head, got a boy that acts just like his sister, talk talk talks all the time, lol! Well, I'm not gonna be able to finish my post, gonna go visiting, lol! I'll be back later!

I've updated my "thank you's" to reflect the latest donors, again, thanks so much!! I never imagined that I would have raised as much as I have just by sending out a few emails! I have posted donation forms at my church, and my sister is selling some breast cancer awareness stuff in the OR where she works, so I hope my total goes up a bit more! And, let's see, so far I have recruited 5 people to walk with me. I have a few more that have said they would, but I have 5 that are registered! If I feel like I do now, I should be able to get through the 3.1miles, I'll be tired, but I should be able to make it. But, if treatments get worse, it will be a challenge. Not that the treatments are bad, but the Dr told me that they would get progressively worse with each one, meaning the symptoms will at their worst at the end. I will have finished treatment #9 when race day comes around. We'll just have to wait and see I guess. But I'm determined to be there and go as far as I can! So far the only bad part about these treatments has been fatigue. I've just been really tired since the last one, can't seem to get enough sleep. Tomorrow is #6!! That means I'll be half way finished when I get done with it!! Changing the subject...I can definitely tell the the seasons are changing, it's getting a tiny bit cooler and there is a hint that the leaves are changing. I wish I could say that this was a good thing, but the truth is, the fall is when depression sets in, and having all this "new" stuff to add to it isn't gonna be much fun. I really hate this too, because the fall is such a beautiful time of year here in TN, and I love everything about it, the cool crisp air, the colors of everything, the fall decorations, hot drinks, and I could go on and on, but on those dreary gloomy days I just can't help but feel BLUE! Yes, I'm on medication for it, so it's not as bad as it use to be, but I still feel yucky some days. Now, please know, I'm not posting this for sympathy or for anyone to feel sorry for me, this is my blog, a place to write how I feel, good and bad, and that's just what I'm doing. The reason it was brought up today is because it's rainy here and just reminds me of one of those days. Closing this one up for now, gonna see if my little one will nap with me! Don't forget to go to the Komen site, link on the right side under my pic a ways, and see how I'm doing with fundraising!

Special Thank You's...

I want to thank these people from the bottom of my heart for donating, in my honor, for the Komen race.
Michelle Sackett
Mitzi Light
Tonya Brewer
my aunt Barbara
Dianne Caldwell
Michelle Oxrider
Heather Steineman
Mack Lipe
Anonymous ;)

The link is in the previous post, and the race isn't til Oct.7 if you want to chip in! I'll work on getting the link over to the side under my pic, but we'll just have to see, I'm no computer genius!

Komen Race For the Cure

Be sure to go by page on the Susan G Komen Race For the Cure siteHMGteam
If you are close by and would like to join me in the race, I would LOVE it!! I can use all the support I can manage to get!

NED=No Evidence of Disease

YES!!! WOO HOO!! Thank you dear Lord! I know, I have already posted the results of the recent scans, but since I got to talk to my oncologists about them today, it kinda feels more, I don't know, "real". Is that the word I'm looking for? It's the only one I can think of right now, so it will have to do. He was really happy when he came into the exam room today and asked if I knew the good news (the test results). I simply said all I knew was that he had signed off on them and they looked good. He proceeded to tell me that yes, they did look good, that there was a tiny cyst in my sinuses, he also referred to it as a polyp. He assured me that it was not cancer related!! That's what showed up on the MRI. Then the PET scan was clear as well, NED, No Evidence of Disease! None what-so-ever! Again, thank you God for healing my body, and thank all of you that have sent up prayers on my behalf! So asked a very reasonable question, "was the chemo now considered a preventative measure instead of more of treatment?", and I got the answer I was hoping for, "yes"! That's fine with me, I mean, I'm not gonna try to talk him into letting me quit, I've come to far! Sure, 8 more treatments, 8 more weeks, sounds like a long time, but it sounds better than in the beginning when I was facing 5months of treatment! I figure it's a tiny feat to go through to be able to get on with the rest of my life, don't you think? And, just like in the beginning, that's exactly what I plan to do, with, of course, the guidance of God, get on with the rest of my life! Have I told you about my appetite since starting the Taxol? I feel like I can eat anything, eat anytime, and I often find myself using the phrase "appetite of an elephant"! That's the joys of steroids I suppose! So far, I can't be happier with the side effects of the Taxol, or lack thereof I could say! Now, I have to keep in mind that I've been told, several times, that it won't happen all at once, but rather progressively get worse, so the worst part will be at the end of treatment, which should be sometime towards the end of October. But as of right now, the night after having my 4th treatment, I feel pretty decent. I am a little weak in the legs, but nothing that's keeping me from regular activity. I was extremely tired when we came home this evening and laid down from about 6pm-9pm, I slept, but not exactly a good restful sleep. Tomorrow I expect that my cheeks will be bright red most of the day and I will feel like I have my face too close to a fire, another piece to the happy steroid puzzle! I'm hoping that the weakness in my leg muscles will be a lot better, if not all together gone, by tomorrow. I know I will probably be tired tomorrow, and feel the need to nap, let's just hope that my youngest will have sympathy for mommy and agree to watch cartoons in mommy's bed, lol! Oh, and guess what?!?! My hair is making a comeback, painfully slow in my opinion, but coming back, none the less! It feels like peach fuzz right now, and for a while you had to look really close to even see that there was anything there, but I have noticed the past few days that there is, indeed, enough to be noticed! Of course, I still look like I have more of the bald than with hair, but I can actually SEE it! I'm guessing my family is getting really tired of me asking can they see my hair growing back, or having them feel the fuzz, lol, but I just can't help it, I'm obsessed. Autumn told me the other day that yes it was growing back and continued to inform me that it was curly and blonde, lol! Although it is long enough for me to be able to get a little bit between the tips of my fingers, I don't hardly think that it is curly yet, hehe. And as far as it being blonde, well I think it's just so sparse that it hasn't be able to present it's true color yet, does that make any sense? Clear as mud, right?! Ah, to be 6 yrs old! On another note, I know that there are lots of people reading my blog, from the visitor count, but who are you? Sure, I have people telling me all the time "hey, I check your blog everyday to see how you're doing", but I would really like to see some comments. There are a handful that I get comments from on a somewhat regular basis, so for just once, can you post a comment, just to say hi? It doesn't matter to me if we know each other. If you are someone that doesn't know me outside the cyberworld, I would like for you to just tell me where you learned of my blog from. It's getting late, and I have been writing this post during the commercials of a show on TLC called "Crazy, Sexy Cancer". I watched it at 9pm, but it has come on again at 12 and I still have it on. So, make me smile, I wanna check in ever so often tomorrow, in between naps, lol, and see a new comment, by both people I know and don't know. Would it make it easier if I said I'm challenging you to leave me a comment? Lol, I think I can fall asleep now, good nite!

OUCH!! update on sore arm....

So I managed to remember to call the dr's office this morning. Guess the pain in my arm reminded me, lol. It's been sore since one day last week, at first I thought it was because I had slept on it wrong, but that would have went away, and it didn't. As a matter of fact, it was getting worse and seemed to be spreading. It's hurting on the underside of my elbow, up to my armpit, and had started to hurt in my shoulder blade. He had me come on in to the office so he could take a look. I was glad that it wasn't the start of lyphedema, instead it's probably a nerve getting the feeling back in it! He explained that there is a nerve in the arm in the area I pointed out as in pain, and that when he does the node dissection that sometimes they take they nerve out but if they don't it will become numb after being "messed" with when the nodes are scraped. The pain that I'm feeling now is the nerve getting it's feeling back. I thought it was pretty interesting myself! Anyway, I was told to take ibuprofen a couple times a day for a week or two and if the pain doesn't get better or go away then he will get me started on physical therapy. He offered to go ahead and get me started now, but I opted to wait. I'm just so happy that it's nothing serious!!! He told me I was just looking for an excuse to come see them their at the office, lol. He just don't know how true that could have been, but I was seriously worried about the pain this time, lol! The girls in the office have created a team to walk in the Komen race, and I'll be posting more about that soon, I want some people join me!! Doug is replacing the window and he may need some help, so I'm outa here!!

Three down.....

and only 9 more to go!! I have 3 Taxol treatments under my belt! This past weeks treatment was fine, nothing out of the ordinary happened. I didn't nap while I got my lovely benadryl, my thigh muscles kept tightening up and it was impossible to fall asleep. I've come to the conclusion that if I fall asleep while getting my infusion then the benadryl doesn't bother me too bad, as far as being drowsy the next few days, but if I do NOT get a nap while getting it then I feel completely worn out to a frazzle for several days afterwards. I'll use that as the excuse for not posting in a while, lol!! I think I told you that my MRI results were fine. Well, my onc nurse told me that my PET scans were clear and that the dr had signed off on it! YAY!!!! I will actually get to see the dr this week, so he'll go over it with me in more detail, I'm sure. Not that there is anything to explain about "clear" but I hope he'll tell me something. Looks like I'm gonna have to call the surgeon's office in the morning. I have been having a really bad pain in my left arm, not good since that is the arm that is at high risk for developing lyphedema. I'm really hoping that's not the deal, but it needs to be checked, for peace of mind if nothing else. It feels like a great big bruise on the underside of my arm down to my elbow, very tender, and it even hurts to put on my deo, but there is no sign of a bruise, no discoloring. I was hoping it would go away, thinking I had slept on it wrong or something, but it has been bothering me since around last Wednesday or so. It's actually even started hurting back towards my shoulder blade. But anyway, I'll call in the morning and see what the dr thinks. Oh, I meant to write about this last week, but it slipped my mind, I had a surprise visit! My aunt Barbara dropped by!! It was so great to see her, and even to SMELL her, lol! I know that sounds extremely weird, but let me explain. You know how a smell can bring up a memory or make you think of a specific time? Well, her smell took me back to my childhood! She wears the same perfume now as she did then, if I'm not mistaken, it's Calvin Klein's Obsession. And since I got several hugs, I was able to smell it on myself the rest of the evening, it was wonderful!! On Friday night, I was able to get a good friend to come scrapbook. It was me, her, and Kim, we had a blast!! I always do when I'm around her, she's a hoot!! I guess I'm gonna close this one up, I'm just not feeling real chatty.

So let's play a game of "catch-up"!

And, no, it doesn't include french fries! LOL! So to start the week off, I go for a MRI Monday. It really wasn't a big deal, I'm just glad I am not claustrophobic! That was a small space for sure! Nothing much went on Tuesday. Then Wednesday was chemo day. Got me another dose of that liquid benadryl, man I'm liking that stuff, hehe! And just think, I will be getting it every time for the rest of the treatments! I can now say only 10 more to go! I didn't see a dr that day, but the onc nurse did tell me that my MRI results looked good. The only thing that showed up was a small cyst in my sinus area, but that it was nothing serious. I will be sure to ask the dr next time what he thinks about it, and he should have the results of the other test too. Kim took me Wed, so when I got done, we did a tad of shopping. We hit Hobby Lobby and I found the deal of the century! Ok, so maybe not the century, but it was a great deal, none the less! If you're a scrapper, you'll get this, if not, then it will be nothing to you probably, lol. So HL just started carrying the Autumn Leaves clear stamps not too long ago, well I am too cheap to pay full price for them, especially knowing that they go on sale half off quite often. Well, anyway, I seen they had a new set that I had been wanting and picked it up, glanced at the price and it was just marked $4.99?!?! I knew that had to be wrong, and sure enough, it was! I looked at the others and they were $14.99! So I grabbed a pack, and Kim grabbed the other two packs that were marked wrong. We couldn't have gotten them cheaper if we HAD waited for them to be on sale! Ok, so I'm sure there are plenty of you reading that says I did the wrong thing. I should have told them of their mistake. BUT, I didn't! Do I feel bad about it? NO! Will God punish me for doing this? Maybe, but remember, I already have cancer, can't get much worse! So, maybe I shouldn't have wrote that, but I'm not deleting it. ANYWAYS.... We left there then went for some more bargain shopping, at Big Lots! Love that store, you can never tell what kind of junk you will find! Oh, the thrill of the hunt!! Another good find for the scrapper in me, Sharpie paint markers, with the white in it, and it wasn't the oil based ones either!! I have looked everywhere for these, the office supply stores, WM, Target, and everywhere else I go that carries office or school supplies! So I was happy to find them at BL! Oh, and they were just $3 for a pack of 5!! Then it's off to Cheddars for some dinner and I had a strawberry tea, it was yummy!! I will tell you this, I was very tired when I got home, lol! But it was fun! Did have a side effect of the chemo creap in on me though, my thigh muscles felt like I had ran 10miles! They were so sore and achy! It went away by the time I got up Thursday morning. Had to be at the hospital for the PET scan at 10am, no problem. Got there and they took me to the little room, made me drink the icky vanilla white stuff, injected the radiation in my veins and let me wait about an hour. I was prepared this time with a book and my mp3. The scan itself didn't seem like it took as long this time, but maybe it's just because I knew what to expect. After that was all over, we met with Kim and had lunch at my favorite place, Johnny Corrino's! Probably didn't spell it right, but I know what I'm talking about! Nothing much more on Thursday, except a minor accident at home. Fixed supper for the kiddos, and was getting their drinks, had just made a full pitcher of kool aid, set it on the side of the sink and went to reach for some cups and must have hit the pitcher cause it fell off the sink directly on top of my foot! OUCH!!! It was one of the older tupperware pitchers, so it has some sharper edges, and it cut my foot in two places and the whole top of it bruised instantly! It's really sore today, especially when I put on shoes! OK, Grayson is so ready for me to finish this up! He has been trying to get up in my lap for the past 10min, so I will go ahead and wrap this one up.

A busy week ahead!

Well, first off, I'll let you all know that the first round of Taxol went just fine. I get a little dose of benadryl through iv to start off with, evidently lots of people are highly allergic to this, so I had a great nap!! No other side effects yet. I was told that I may have some muscle & joint aches and some numbing in my fingers and toes, but it would just progressively happen, not happen all at once. I did ask when I get more scans done, and to my surprise, he said we could do that! So they got it all set up for me. I will have a MRI tomorrow (monday) and then a PET scan on Thursday. This is really bittersweet, on one hand I'll have peace of mind knowing the results, but then again I'm really nervous that they might actually find something. So please keep me in your prayers that God will grant me with some courage and I'll be able to keep my sanity until I get the results! And then Wednesday I will have my 2nd dose of Taxol and I will be able to say "just 10 more!!". Yesterday was a good day. Kim had all the kids for the wknd, letting them swim before school starts, tomorrow! And then I had a visitor, Tonya came up to spend a couple hours with me. It was great! She brought the kids each a little something, and they were so excited when they got home and dug into those bags! She brought me some yummy smelling goodies from Bath and Body Works and "Chicken Soup for the Breast Cancer Survivor's Soul", can't wait to start on it! Anyway, we just sat on the couch and chatted away, just like we did 15yrs ago, it was GREAT! Tonya, I love you dearly and still cherish our friendship with every beat of my heart!! Thank you for being there for me during this whole ordeal! Moving on, tomorrow is the first day of 1st grade for Autumn and Ethan! Well, kinda, they go for a short orientation and then they can come home. We went to meet the teachers Thursday evening. I can't believe how fast summer has flown by! I may not get to volunteer as much as I want to for the first couple of months, but I'm really hoping that I will be able to when I get these last treatments over with! It will be a little tougher this year since they are in separate classes, but I will work it out. Ok, well, I'm gonna get off of here for now, I have to get use to getting up early too, lol!

Had a fun evening!

Yesterday evening I headed out to meet up with a wonderful friend of mine! I met Janice at CTF, a scrapping wknd that I have been attending since 2001. We were paired up as "Get to know you" buddies and hit it off from the start! She has two boys that she calls her "virtual twins" (two boys that she adopted at the same time and are just a month or two apart in age) that are the same age as my twins. She lived in Knoxville at the time we met, but has since moved back to her home state of Florida. We still talk almost everyday via the internet, and we get the spend that scrappy time together when CTF rolls around every year. But she had to fly in to TN for business a few days ago and we made it a point to get together for dinner. We also managed to hit Hobby Lobby too!! Thanks, Janice for the gift card! After that we had a great supper at Sagebrush, yummy!! I do really feel bad, I think I probably talked a tad too much, she probably felt like she couldn't get a word in edgewise! And I'm usually the quiet one, lol! I took my camera along with me, but of course, I forgot it! Well, don't have anymore time to post, I'm gonna mow the yard! Yes, I enjoy doing it, so as long as I have the energy to do so, I will do it! Til next time...

Tired. Very tired!

We just came home from a long weekend of camping in Pigeon Forge. Went down on Thursday and came home yesterday. It was fun, and it done us all good to get away from home for a little while. Kim and Billy went too but left a day earlier than we did, and Grayson decided he wanted to go with them! It was late when we got there Thurs evening so we didn't do much, then on Friday, Doug fixed pancakes and bacon for breakfast, yummy, then we went to Camping World and picked up a few things. Found out that the electricity was off for some reason when we got back to the campground, but it came back on before too long. Then on Saturday we went to Dollywood for a few hours. It was miserably crowded and hot! Of course, a lot of it could have just been me. One thing I have noticed recently is that even if I feel fine, I still can't do as much as I use to. Like, when I'm doing something and I get tired, I have to stop and rest then, I can't push myself and keep going like before. And, I can't tolerate the heat like before, either. The heat will wipe me out super fast! This has been hard, I have done such a good job at dealing with the whole "cancer" bit that I have made myself believe that I'm fine and nothing is different. But I am different, physically, my body just can't do as much right now and I DO NOT want to accept this. Accepting it makes me remember that I am sick and that it is effecting my life. It also means that it affects everyone around me. It's so hard to tell the kids that mom can't do this or can't do that cause I'm getting to tired, it's not fair to them. It's hard enough for a 6yr old to understand, but almost impossible for a 3yr old to understand.
Anyway, enough about that. On a good note, I had a follow-up appointment with my surgeon Thursday before we left. I like going to see him, love the office girls, love his nurse, and it doesn't hurt my feelings none that he's a cutie!! I brought my camera along with me and asked for a pic, don't forget I'm a scrapper, so I have to have a pic! I did not, however, ask if I could post it on my blog, so I hope it's ok with them that I did. If you guys see it and want me to take it off, I will, just let me know! And if you DO see it and don't leave me a comment, I will be very upset! That goes for you gals at the desk too!! Here's the pic...

That's one of my red wigs, I didn't realize that it flipped that much! I will definitely have to do something about that, it looks terrible! Not the best pic of myself, but it's really good of them and I wanted to share. Anywho, he said everything was looking fine and I won't go back to see him til the end of Oct. I really just want to work in that office, I think it would be a blast, not to mention the extra income would be nice!
I'm pretty sure that I have wrote about chemo angels, well my two have been great, as always! I got some scrapping stuff from one of them for my birthday, and loved the papers she sent me! And I just got some stuff from the other one as well. Before we went camping I got a couple puzzle books and she sent the twins a coloring book and the little one a board book, then when we came home, I came across another package from her, she sent me a pack of "queasy-pops"! I have never heard of these before, but they look cool! They are suckers made of natural flavors that are suppose to reduce or eliminate an upset stomach! How cool is that!?!?! You guys are great! I look forward to doing this once all of my treatments are over and I can be the one sending stuff and making someone else's day!

For Dianne C....

Dianne, I usually don't post specifically for a "thank you", but the verse you posted in my comments was perfect and it made me look at things a lot different! From the package for me and the kids, to emails, and all the comments you leave for me, you have truly been a blessing! I WILL make it to CTF, no matter what, just so I can give you a big hug!

Inquiring minds want to SEE!!!!

So, you think you want to see me bald? (if you answered "no" to this question, I don't know what to tell you, just close your eyes and scroll on down to the rest of the post I guess.)This isn't easy for me, by no means, but I have been asked by a few close friends and it might help another young woman that is facing the same thing soon, so here ya go...

There are probably several family and friends, and maybe even people I don't know, saying it doesn't look that bad, and thanks for the comment, but I still avoid looking at my reflection as much as possible. I'm told that my wigs look great, very real, but I still don't wear them much, it's just too dang hot and humid here for that. I have been wearing one to church, but that's about it. And when I DO wear one, I usually pull it off as soon as I get back in my car headed home, thank goodness for tinted windows! But, today was my last "bad" treatment, and once it's out of my system then my hair should start to grow back!!!! My Dr told me today that I should still be using shampoo & conditioner, just like before, so my hair follicles would still be stimulated, and that in a few weeks I can start taking vitamins to help it grow back, prenatal vitamins will give it an extra boost to help it grow faster! Speaking of today's treatment, I wanted to give a step-by-step description of what goes on, don't think I have done this previously. Again, just in case you're interested or if it's someone just starting out. Of course, I'm sure that it's different at each office, but this is how it is where I'm treated. 9am...arrive and sign in, get blood drawn and return to waiting area, sometimes I'm lucky and get to go right back to a room. Wait a little bit then go to a room, get temp, blood pressure, and pulse ox read, get asked a series of questions about stuff like any rashes, bowel problems, urinary problems, night sweats, chills, etc. Wait for the dr, ask any questions I might have, and I usually have the same questions over and over cause I can't remember what I have asked, damn chemo-brain! (and just so you know, chemo-brain is very real! I get so frustrated cause I can't talk right sometimes, can't remember stupid lil things, get confuse easily, forget how to spell things I have been able to do for years, UGH, very crazy!) Oh, loose my train-of-thought TOO easy! LOL! Oh yeah, I'll get a physical exam if it's the FNP, but with clothes on, just mouth/throat, neck, breathing, heart, etc. apx.10am...Head back to the chemo room and pick out a chair and wait a few minutes til they have a chance to get me hooked up. I have to wait a tad bit longer if I forgot to ask the nurse to give me numbing cream when she took me back to the exam room, which I have done the past 2 times, and one of the onc nurses will put it on. Then they prep the area with betadine and alcohol, insert the port needle and do a heparin flush, then a little bit of a flush with saline, then a small bag of zantac, followed by a small bag of decadron and zofran for nausea. (please keep in mind that I can't spell right now and these dern medicines are not coming up on spell check, so I don't know if they are right or not!) Then comes the big bag of the "red devil" aka adrimiacin and when that one is all gone I get a big bag of cytoxin, and I HATE this stuff! It makes my sinuses hurt bad, right on the bridge of my nose will burn and it gives me an instant headache! We tried slowing the drip down today to see if it would help, but it didn't much. During this whole process I have to go to the little girl's room at least twice, most of the time more, pulling my iv pole around with me! And so around 1:30pm I was finished today. WooHoo! Everybody is different, but I usually don't start to have nausea til a few days later, maybe a mild headache the evening of a treatment, but nothing a couple ibuprofen can't handle. So, that's a dr's visit for me! We made several stops on the way home and stopped for a bite to eat, but when we finally did make it home, I found a beautiful surprise, wanna see?

Aren't they gorgeous?!?! My cousin, Tamitha, had been by to see me and we were gone
=(, I hated I missed them, but the flowers sure did brighten my day! So, Tamitha, Morgan, and Andrew, thanks so much I absolutely love the flowers, my favorite colors! Now it's time for a little r&r, Doug got called in to work, the house is empty, and I'm enjoying the peace and quiet for a little while. Thanks for coming over to read how I'm doing! Til next time...

A slumber party?

Yep! Just came home from a slumber party, or as my 6yr old calls it, a sleep over. And boy was it fun! I've posted before that she is having a hard time with the whole cancer situation, well Arlene, aka Nana, thought it would be a good idea to have a slumber party with just us girls, me, Kim, Nana and Autumn. We let Autumn do our makeup and hair, well maybe not MY hair, but you get the point. Oh, and she done our nails too!! Man oh man, you should have seen us! Nana also got out a box that was FULL of the Barbies I had when I was close to her age, she really loved that! It was a lot of fun and just what she needed! Now, changing the subject, I had a chemo milestone, if you want to call it that. I puked for the first time yesterday!! Is that a good thing? I thought it was! I was a little queasy during the day yesterday, but not real bad, no worse than usual I should say. But since I wanted to feel good for Autumn and her sleep over I decided to take one of the meds I had been prescribed for nausea. As soon as the drink hit my stomach, I had just enough time to set down my glass and get in the bathroom before it all came racing back up! Sorry if that was too graphic, tried to keep it as simple as I could. I felt just fine after that was over, must have been some pretty good pills, huh?!?!?! This was my 3rd round of A/C chemo, and it has been the worst so far! I've just felt nauseous longer, and I have noticed that my chest bone and back have ached a little from the nuelasta shot. But just one more round of that and I will start the weekly treatments of Taxol. The side effects of it are not suppose to be as severe, so that's something to look forward to! My hair may start to grow back while on it, but then my eyebrows and lashes are probably gonna start to fall out, figures, lol! Well, I believe that's it for now, til next time....

Miss me?

Sorry I've been MIA for over a week. Don't really have any excuses other than just didn't feel like writing. Felt ok physically, but not so great mentally. Guess it's kinda like when I was a teenager and tried to keep a diary, I'd start one, do real good for a few days then not write another entry for weeks, maybe months. Oh well, I'll try to catch up the best I can, it won't be easy, "chemo brain" is starting to set in, lol! Let's see, the hair loss situation is getting a little better but not much, I still hate seeing my reflection but can't hardly stand anything on, so darn hot! So I go "topless" at home most of the time, Doug and the kids seem to have gotten use to it. Autumn is doing much better, still asks often if it will grow back, but I think she's coping a lot better. Ethan is so quiet and reserved it would be easy for me to assume that he was ok as well, but I'm trying hard not to think that just in case he really isn't. And baby Grayson, although 3 isn't really a baby anymore, is just fine. I think being away from home is taking a toll on all of them, so I'm trying to keep them home as much as possible, and there are probably some people reading and wondering why they are not home. I'll give my take on it, if I didn't have family or friends to help out with them and willing to keep them, I would have to do it, feel good or not, obviously, but I am blessed to have family close by and very willing to take them while I'm not feeling good after treatment, so why wouldn't I? Ok, don't know what that was all about, for some reason I felt like I needed to explain what was going on, I almost feel guilty that they are not here all the time and it's hard to accept the fact that I'm "sick".
Friday 7/6/07...
Well, kinda got sidetracked last while I was writing and ended up not finishing, so whatever I was gonna write about I have forgotten by now, oh well! I do want to tell you about the "Look Good, Feel Better" class I went to this past Monday. It's sponsored my the American Cancer Society and is absolutely amazing! I would recommend it to anyone going through chemo! They provide you with a complete set of makeup, and I'm not talking cheap stuff either, Clinique, Merle Norman, Chanel, Este Lauder, to name a few of the makers! I was blown away with that alone! They show you step by step how to use it, how to fill in or create eyebrows if you have lost them. Then they moved on to let everyone try on and pick out a wig and different styles of hats and turbans, showed how to style and care for those. It was just amazing! I think there was 6 cancer patients there and everyone brought a friend or relative with them, so it wasn't crowed at all. And then there was a couple cosmetologists there to help out. And it was all free! Can't beat that with a stick! So, for someone saying there would be no wigs, I'm wig poor! Arlene bought me two that I told you about in a previous post and then I got another one from LGFG, plus a ponytail that I can wear under a cap! I just wish they wasn't so dern hot! I recently signed up for a chemo angel and have two, they are both great! If you have never heard of them, it's a volunteer organization where people are assigned to be your "chemo angel" and while you are undergoing treatments they send you lots of cards and letters. It's been a real pick-me-up! Let's see, I'm sure I have some "thank you's" that need to be addressed. Charlene, thanks so much for the earrings, I LOVE them! Perfect! Amy, thanks for the cool hat, love it too! And the bandanna! Oh crap, I know there is more, but I just can't think of ANYTHING right now! Blame it on chemo brain! I had another round yesterday, by the way. And I have been feeling a little worse this go round, as a matter of fact, feeling quite queasy as I type. So with that being said, I think I will sign out and head for bed. I'm gonna try not to make it so long til my next post, we'll see how I do, lol!

pure hell!

I'm sorry for such a blunt title, but that is what it has been the past couple of days! But it's not what you may think, I'm not sick from chemo, well a little, but that's not what this is all about. It's my hair. It started thinning a little on Tuesday, but you couldn't tell since I had pretty thick hair anyway, so I was ok. Had treatment on Wed, and it was still coming out a little, but not at it's worst. Then onThurs, Kim came in while I was in the shower and I was in tears, pretty bad. She knew what it was, my hair was coming out by the handfuls. And no matter how much I prepared myself, it just wasn't enough to make it easy. Friday morning came and Kim was asking if I was up to shopping, wig shopping! Her and Arlene was taking me shopping for a wig, even if I had said I didn't want one, they wanted to make sure I had one just in case. We went to two wig shops and I tried on I don't know how many styles, cuts, colors, etc. It ended up being a lot of fun, but also very tiring for me. I did come home home with not only one, but two wigs. One that looks a lot like what my hair looked like before I had it cut short for surgery, and then one that looks just like the cut I had, just in a really fun color, red! I'll try for pics later, but it will be a few days, I'm sure! I didn't go and shave it all off like I had planned. Instead, I sat outside Friday evening and just pulled it out, all that would come, and it just about ALL came out. And I would have went ahead with a razor, but my scalp was way too sore! Not from pulling it out, cause that was a breeze, but from trying on all the wigs. That's when reality sunk in a little more. It was important to me that my daughter see what was going on, she's has been having a hard time excepting the fact that mommy's hair was gonna come out so I wanted her to see how it was happening. Like I thought, she was upset, but Doug and I did everything we could to comfort her and tell her that it would grow back. That was hard. It was hard to walk by a mirror, and I could do it without crying. Call it vanity if you want, but I have had a hard time with it no matter what you call it. It's very depressing. Then today, my head wasn't quite as sore, so I let Doug take the clippers to it. Got me a nice buzz cut going on now, still hasn't made it any easier. I cried. I cried a lot. I'm still crying some. I try very hard to avoid seeing my reflection. I'm sure it will get easier, but right now it's not easy. It's hard. It makes me mad, it makes me sad, it makes me angry.

round two was a go!

Thanks for the prayers and positive thoughts everybody! My white blood count went back up to 9 something, and the minimum is 4, so I was in good shape as far as that goes. But... she was really concerned about my iron level being so low and that it will contribute to making me feel tired and depressed, along with the chemo and just being dx with cancer too. She told me that I would have to take at least 4 iron supplement tabs by mouth a day to get as much as I needed and that she really didn't recommend me do that because it would cause really bad constipation and a few other side effects that I don't remember. So she offered to give it to me through my iv while I was there, said it was a good way to "get my tank filled up", lol and it would help a great deal with my energy levels...but...it would add an extra 2 1/2 to 3hrs to time sitting in the chemo room, ugh! Oh well, no big deal, I didn't have anything else planned and I had brought plenty stuff to keep me occupied! Had some music to listen to, a word find book, and my fave right now, a sudoku number puzzle book. Somehow, tho, Doug ended up with that one, hmph! I finally convinced him to go home for a while but he didn't want me to stay by myself, altho I would have been just fine and content by myself, so I called Kim and asked if she want to come sit a while, to ease his mind, and she did. And I be dag gum if Kim didn't take over the numbers book when Doug left! LOL!!! Might have been cause I was gonna take me a nap! They give me some benedryl through iv and that was enough for a nice little visit to sleepy town! But it was embarrassing to wake up and see people laughing at ya! Thankfully by that time, most everybody was gone, Kim had moved over to the seat next to me and the seat on the other side was empty so the rest of the people were back towards the other end of the room. I have been known to "jump" in my sleep, some people may call it jerk, but it involves my whole body, not just a foot or hand or other single limb, and, that's what I did, and it must have been pretty bad cause Kim was snickering and I looked over the other way and there was another lady grinning from ear to ear so she must have seen me to. Needless to say that was the end of that nap! And I woke up sweating like crazy! Sweat was running off my forehead, neck, chest, back, and sitting in a leather/vinyl recliner didn't help matters none! And all the other patients in there had blankets on, lol, and here I was wiping sweat! One of the meds they give me cause hot flash type symptoms so that must have been the deal. I also talked to the dr about the really bad headaches from last time so she changed some meds around and so far it seems to be doing the trick! She thinks it could be from one of the anti-nausea iv drips called loxy (not sure if that is spelled right) and it stays in your system for up to 5 days, and that's about how long I had that constant headache. So she took that off my menu and added a zofran drip and then I also have to take it morning and night for two days. Altho it's just the next day, no headache so I'm happy! The dr was so happy that I done well the first time and was really surprised that I hadn't had any aching bones and mouth sores and of course that the nausea was kept controlled. I also asked for something to help me sleep better at night, I just haven't had a good nights sleep since my surgery, it's constantly tossing and turning! That wasn't a problem and said it was common. I have to go back today for my Neulasta shot, then next week for blood work, and then the week after that will be chemo time again. It just so happens that the next treatment would fall on the 4th of July, so I will be the day after and that will be the day before my birthday! Reading that over, looks clear as mud! I'll have my next round on 7/5 and my birthday is 7/6, so I will be celebrating the big 30 with a big shot in the arm since I have to have my shot the day after treatment! WooHoo, what a way to celebrate, and I should be completely bald to boot! Well, been on here long enough, have a dr appt to get ready for!

Here we go...

The dreaded is happening as we speak! I noticed this morning, right before my shower, that I can get quite a bit of hair when I run my fingers through it. I'm not bald already, by no means, and you can't even tell it's coming out just by looking at me. But I know that it is, and I even shed a couple tears when I realized it had started. Tomorrow will be my 2nd treatment, that is if my blood count is high enough. Now, I'm a firm believer that prayer makes a difference, so I'm asking that you say a little prayer for me that my counts will be ok and we won't have to delay this round. I know this time to take my mp3 and I'll also be taking me a sudoku puzzle book! Kim can take the credit for getting me addicted to that! I might even put me a pair of socks in my bag, last time my toes got cold in there, lol!
Today was a good day, kinda. As long as I could keep my mind off of my hair thinning, I was ok. But, me and the kids took a trip to see the only grandma I have left. Even got my dad to go with us too! It was a very nice little visit, and I have to admit that I don't go see her near as often as I should! I wanted to go see her before I lost all of my hair tho, that way she might not worry about me as much as she would if she seen me bald. The kids had a really good time digging for bugs and racing around the house! Ok, well, that's all for now. Til next time...

busy day

I have had a busy day today! Had some appointments to go to, but Doug wanted to go to a nearby hardware store that was going out of business first. Everything was pretty much all gone, but he managed to get a few things at 75% off, not too shabby! Then we were off to the oncologist for labs, and seems that my white blood count is lower than what they want it to be, but evidently not so low that they were concerned cause they didn't do anything about it. They did say, however, that if it wasn't back up by next week that I wouldn't be able to do my treatment. It will be up, I have complete and total faith in God! We then drove over into the next parking lot for my follow up appt with my surgeon. He said that everything looked great and I don't have to go back there for 6wks. I joked around with them that I would have to just get me a job there just so I can still see them all, I just love all of the staff there! From there we went to pick up my new bras and silicone boobs, lol, don't you just love it, lol! Then headed up the road a little ways and picked up my new specs. What do ya think...



I'm thinking I love these babies! I'm not a big fan of pics of myself, but I figured a needed a couple decent ones before time for all that hair to start falling out. Which, by the way, should be within the next week. You just don't even realize how bad I'm dreading that part. I have decided not to get a wig, I've heard that they are hot and itchy, and I'm just not sure I want to waste my time on it. I can always change my mind later. But for now I just have a cute breast cancer awareness baseball cap and I'll probably get me a scarf or two. I am on the prowl for some big flashy earrings!!! I figure I would just be bald, keep up the make up and these cute specs, and some big earrings would just do the trick, what do ya think? Wow, it's so easy to sound like I'm ready to be bald, but, honestly, I'm terrified! I'll wait til it starts coming out then let Doug and/or the kids shave it off, I think that will make it a little easier. OK, that's it for now.

what a headache!

That's pretty much what I've had since the first treatment, a constant headache. This post won't be long, but just wanted to check in and let you all know that I am doing ok. Yesterday was the first day I started feeling "good", and that was a blessing since it was my baby's 3rd birthday! I felt kinda yucky when I got up, and had a terrible headache, but pushed myself for a shower and to go to church to see him put in his 3 pennies when they ask if there has been any birthdays. He's growing up so fast! We took him to pick out a present after church, then came home for lunch and nice nap. I cherish my naps with my kids! He had lots of company that evening, Kim and Billy came down, and Nana and Poppy came by too! Oh yeah, my headache seemed to have eased off A LOT after I had gotten up from napping, so I was feeling pretty good. I'm happy to report that, so far, I have not actually been sick! I have had lots of nausea, and a few close calls, but I have managed to keep it all down. The headaches have been terrible tho, and I plan on talking to my oncologist about this at my next appt. Today has been pretty good, except when I ate lunch I thought it might make me a little queasy, but it passed. So maybe it's safe to say that I have done well with the first treatment. Of course, I expect it will gradually get worse with each one, but at least the first one wasn't as bad as anticipated, so that's a good thing. I had a good surprise visit on Saturday, Kerri came by. I have known Kerri since 3rd grade and it's always great to see her. And another great surprise, there was flowers delivered to me today from Mitzi! Mitzi and I have been friends since high school and were roommates the first couple of years at ETSU. She's in Chicago now, so that was a wonderful surprise to let me know she's thinking of me! Thanks so much, Mitzi!! That reminds me, not sure if I mentioned it before or not, so forgive me if I have, the design team girls that I work with over at www.3scrappyboys.com all got together and sent me a beautiful bouquet of tulips a couple of weeks ago. Those were gorgeous, and I'm sorry that I hadn't posted it before. It's not hard for me to forget things these days, so let me just go ahead and say that if you have sent me a card, email, call, or anything else and have not gotten a personal thank you from me, please do not take it to heart. I have loved and appreciated every token, thought, message, everything that has been pouring in, and I thank God above that he has blessed me with such amazing friends and family.

continued post from yesterday...

Ok, let's see how much I can get in tonight before I crash. So, we leave the office, am told to be back around 24hrs for my shot that will help with my blood count. I'm feeling pretty normal and ready for something to eat, after all, it is almost 5pm and I hadn't eaten since around 9am. And we really needed to head to Johnson City for more tile at Lowes, so we ended up going to Logan's for dinner. I did not skimp on it either!!! I had a full rack of ribs, loaded baked potato and a salad! I figured if I was gonna be sick that there would be something on my stomach to come up, sorry if that's TMI, but just how I felt! As we were leaving, something caught Kim's eye on the front page of the newspaper so she bought one and while she was reading that, with the paper still folded, the wind blew it back to a different section and then something caught MY eye. I tell ya, the Lord works in mysterious ways cause the headline that I seen was something along the lines of "Komen to tour ETSU", and it was a small article about the Komen foundation would be on the ETSU campus to spread awareness to young women about the importance of breast health. But, it was only for one day, which was thursday (today) from 9am to 3pm, so there was a good chance that I wouldn't feel up to it, but I told Kim that if I felt ok when I got up that I would really like to go and asked her to go with me. Anyways, left there, and Doug had to make another stop in JC, I was starting to feel a little "different" but still ok, but still decided to wait in the truck on him. Made one last stop at WalMart on the way home so I could pick up a prescription. Oh yeah, getting ready to write the next part made me remember that I forgot something, it should have been at the beginning of this post. When we came out to the parking lot of the dr's office, Kim told me that she had added to my pretty little gift bag, and boy did she ever! She had made a mental note of everything the Dr had said, on her little shopping trip while I was in treatment, she had picked up the following, antibacterial wipes, hand sanitizer, baking soda (for a mouth rinse), claritin and aleve, a pack of gum, and a couple packs of scrapbook rub ons that I had requested. I tell ya what, I think I have the best big sister in the world! So, back to what I was talking about, I brought out the wipes at WM to wipe down the buggy handle. I know that there are people who do this anyway, but I have never been a germ freak, so this will be a big learning curve. We finally make it home, and I'm still feeling ok, had a few queasy spells, but they went away and nothing bad enough that I actually thought I would be sick. The worst part so far was the headache. Before bed, we made sure that I had an empty trash can beside my bed, just in case, but thankfully I didn't need it. Slept really good, woke up feeling fine, but with a full bladder. I jumped up and went to the bathroom pretty quick and back in bed, then had a queasy spell, guess I shouldn't have made that bathroom trip so fast! I decided that I was feeling pretty good and called to make plans to attend the Komen thing with Kim. And I think I will stop here, not feeling the best in the world, and think it may be time for bed. I'll pick up where I'm leaving hopefully tomorrow. Til then...

One month til my big 30

...and this is what I do, lol! Today was my first round of chemo!! YAY for me, one down and 3 "mean" ones and 12 weekly ones to go! I can't tell you how bad I wanted to put this off until tomorrow, but I have no idea how I would feel and since I feel pretty "normal" right now, figured I better force myself, lol! I'll give you a re-cap of my day, from beginning til now. Got up, showered, got ready, put on my make-up in the truck (and I know Kim is probably rolling her eyes at this comment, lol) like I usually do when Doug is driving us somewhere, get mascara on my light pink shirt, go figure, make a pit stop at the bank, get a chicken biscuit, go to Lowe's to get some more tile for our tub, didn't have enough, so headed on to the Dr's office. Let me insert a "non-cancer" bit here, we are remodeling our bathroom, I'm sure I have mentioned that it has been completely gutted recently, and anyway, it's coming right along. The sheet rock is up, well 95% anyway, and the tub and toilet are in, plumbing ready, floor tile down and grouted, and we are currently working on the tile in the tub, and it's almost done. We would have finished this evening, but ran out of tile glue. I have to say that I am so excited about the bathroom, it is coming together so nice!! Ok, back to the regularly scheduled program...oh yea, got to the Dr's office, waited quite a while, as usual, Kim came in with a gift bag, all bright and cheery with tissue paper and curly ribbon hanging from it, and you will never guess the contents of such a pretty package... a can of Lysol spray, ROFLMBO!!! I would have never thought of that, but leave it to aunt Kimbo! Love it! Anyway, went back for the blood work, back to the waiting room, waited a little longer, then back to an exam room for blood pressure, temp, pulse-ox, heart rate, and something new for me this time, numbing cream over my port for the iv needle, lol! So I was given the option, and while I'm not a person afraid of needles, or even minds being stuck, I figure that if they offer it, take it! After all, I have been pricked quite a few times, to say the least, the past few months, right?! And in comes the dr, but it's not Pierce, who I usually see, it's a female, young, and very sweet and pretty. We (me, Kim, & Doug) all really liked her. Just like Dr Pierce, she was very informative and explained all the details of what to expect. After all of that was done, I was ready to get started, but the chemo room was jam packed full, no seats. We had to hang out in the employee lounge til a seat was available, lol, which was 30 minutes or longer. Walked in the room and it was filled with nothing but older people, I'd say the youngest after me was probably in their late 60's, if that, and if you are in that age bracket and reading this, please do not be offended. It was just more of a slap in the face that I am "too young" to have this disease. There were a total of 8 seats in the room, ranging from several black leather recliners, a few of them rocked, to a few of the reclining chairs that are in a lot of hospital rooms. I was in a rocker, and was glad of it, good way to ease some nervous tension. Doug sat in a regular chair close by and Kim decided to leave and do a little shopping since it was so crowded, and that was ok by me, I just made her promise to buy me something, lol! There was one tv in the room, but the volume was so low that only the person sitting right under it could have heard it, but there was too much chatter going on to worry about a tv anyway! Not to mention all the beeping from the iv monitors. I was given something orally and through iv for nausea, then the chemo meds, followed by a saline rinse. Not bad, not bad at all. I didn't feel any different during treatment except for a really bad headache, and that could have easily been stress. But when we were leaving, I stopped off at the bathroom, and one of the ladies that had just left the chemo room before me had come out, I was so disturbed by what I saw!!! I have to ask the Lord to forgive me and help me not pass judgement, cause after all, I don't know the ladies situation, but she hadn't flushed the toilet, and as I got closer, it was very obvious that she was one that doesn't sit on the seat to pee! It was covered!!!!! Here this is a dr's office, and germs are even more important than any other dr's office, and this is what happens! She had a younger woman with her, so it could/should have been cleaned up if the older lady wasn't able to do it herself. I guess it just freaked me out a little since I had just had a germ lecture, lol. Ok, sorry everybody, this re-cap has not come to an end, but I'm afraid I'm gonna have to take a break til later. Tired! Very tired, and a little queasy. Hopefully I will get up feeling ok and post the rest, or maybe tomorrow evening. I just can't promise you anything. To be continued...

so, tomorrow is the day.

I have a 10am appointment with my oncologist tomorrow. I also will have labs done, and if everything is ok, I will have my first round of chemotherapy. So, how do I feel about it? That's the million dollar question of the century! I have so many mixed feelings, it's hard to pinpoint just one or two. On one hand, I'm excited to get it started because that means that I'm well on my way of getting them over with. But then again, what will it be like? No one can predict this since every patient experiences different side effects. That is the biggest thing right now, for me anyway, is the "unknown". I'm nervous, to say the least, but I know all I need to do is turn it over to God and he will be right by my side every step of the way. On a lighter note, I went to the local Family Dollar yesterday and found a section that they had of breast cancer merchandise. A percentage of the proceeds will go towards cancer research and it was some really cute stuff! There were baseball caps in black, white, and pink, and two different designs, there was two different styles of sunglasses with a pink ribbon printed on the side, umbrellas, night gowns, and totes, and they were just $5 a pop!! I got me a pink cap and tote, but I wanted it all, lol! Go find a store close to ya and see what you can find, after all, it supports a good cause! I have been blessed to enjoy a couple of great visits from friends recently. A couple of weeks ago, one of my best friends from the first couple of years in high school came to see me. Tonya and I sat outside and caught up on what's been going on with each other and just really enjoyed one another's company. She has the cutest little boy that is from Jan. to June older than Grayson. She also brought a bowl of some really yummy fruit salad too!! Thanks so much Tonya! Then this past wknd we went camping. Another high school buddy invited us to go with them on their first camping trip and I'm so glad we went, it was great fun. Samantha has a daughter that is the same age as the twins, and seeing my little girl and hers play together was amazing, to say the least! Not in the sense that they were doing anything "big", but just that neither one of us would have ever imagined sitting back and watching our kids play one day. She also has a 20mo old and a 10mo old, absolute darlings, all 3 of them! It was a great wknd to keep me occupied. That's it for now, keep me in your thoughts and prayers as tomorrow rolls around!

Checking in...

Ok, so you guys really do keep up with me! I've received several emails checking on me since I haven't posted in so long, sorry bout that! I don't know, just haven't felt like writing anything, that simple. I've been a little down in the dumps, but hard to explain. Not really feeling depressed, but just a little blue. Doug has went back to work, at least until I start chemo, and the kids are still staying at my in laws for the most part, so I've been home alone and that could be a part of it, but I can't really pinpoint it. I get the dental work wrapped up Fri, so we're hoping to start chemo next week. I have an appointment with Dr Peirce, my oncologist, next Wednesday and they will do labs then to make sure everything is ok to start, then I may possibly start on Friday. And believe me, I'm ready!! I want to get this show on the road, so to speak. These "quiet" and in between times are killing me! Sure, I'm a little scared, it is CHEMOTHERAPY for goodness sakes, but I know that is just part of what I have to do to overcome this battle, and I'm ready to face it head on! Oh yea, I got my prosthetics! Well, one set of them anyway, waiting on the "real" set to come in, they are silicone, the ones I have right now are called a "leisure" set, they are a foam material. The lady at the Unique Boutique, was absolutely amazing! She made me feel very comfortable and tried her best to fit me just right, and I have to say, she done a good job! The leisure set is the ones I can use to swim with, just pin them in my swimsuit, and that's great cause we will be camping this wknd and the pool will be open! She told me that I could bring my swimsuits to them and they would sew pockets in for me, but I figured this will probably be the only time I'll need it, so not worth fooling with. I also wanted a more dramatic change, and wanted to go blond! Why not? I'll be losing my hair in a few weeks anyway, so if it looks terrible then it won't matter! But, it didn't work that well, I am a red head instead! And I'm not saying that in a bad way, I really like it, it's just not as big of a change as I was wanting. I think I may go and put in blond highlights, lol! But for those of you that have emailed me, concerned that I hadn't posted, thanks! It makes me feel really good that you are thinking of me. Physically, I am feeling great, I almost have my left arm back 100%! I'm gonna try really hard not to let it be so long til my next post!

No radiation!

Had an appointment with my oncologist today and it went well. I won't have to do any radiation, YAY!! He was really pleased with everything, the MUGA scan results were great, he was really pleased and surprised that I only had 2 nodes bad, and he's ready to get the chemo started as soon as I am. I do have some dental work to get done before I start, so as soon as I get that taken care of, we'll be ready. He went ahead and gave me prescriptions for anti-nausea meds. Oh, and I also called Dr. Holt's office this morning, asking about my right side, I was concerned that it had some fluid in it, so they told me to come by there before I went to Dr. Pierce (oncologist). And, sure enough, I did, he ended up draining over 50cc's of fluid off of that side, but other than that, everything looked ok. I don't go back to him til next Friday and don't go back to Dr. Pierce until I get my dental work finished, so my next appointment is next wed at the dentist, but we're trying to get that moved up, no luck as of yet. I was also told that I would probably rather wear my glasses during chemo instead of my contacts, for comfort, so I set myself up an appointment to get an eye exam next Friday too. I wouldn't gonna do it, I figured I had enough appts anyway, but since we have good vision insurance, I figured I might as well, besides, I wouldn't mind a new set of specs! Man alive, I feel so tired, having to go here and there! I have had a different appointment everyday this week! I feel like I have been to more dr apts this past two months than I have my entire life. There is nothing on the agenda for tomorrow, but the kids' are suppose to be having a "fun day", so if I feel like it, I would like to go to the school for a little while, then Fri will be their last one. So, that's it for now!