Checking in...

Ok, so you guys really do keep up with me! I've received several emails checking on me since I haven't posted in so long, sorry bout that! I don't know, just haven't felt like writing anything, that simple. I've been a little down in the dumps, but hard to explain. Not really feeling depressed, but just a little blue. Doug has went back to work, at least until I start chemo, and the kids are still staying at my in laws for the most part, so I've been home alone and that could be a part of it, but I can't really pinpoint it. I get the dental work wrapped up Fri, so we're hoping to start chemo next week. I have an appointment with Dr Peirce, my oncologist, next Wednesday and they will do labs then to make sure everything is ok to start, then I may possibly start on Friday. And believe me, I'm ready!! I want to get this show on the road, so to speak. These "quiet" and in between times are killing me! Sure, I'm a little scared, it is CHEMOTHERAPY for goodness sakes, but I know that is just part of what I have to do to overcome this battle, and I'm ready to face it head on! Oh yea, I got my prosthetics! Well, one set of them anyway, waiting on the "real" set to come in, they are silicone, the ones I have right now are called a "leisure" set, they are a foam material. The lady at the Unique Boutique, was absolutely amazing! She made me feel very comfortable and tried her best to fit me just right, and I have to say, she done a good job! The leisure set is the ones I can use to swim with, just pin them in my swimsuit, and that's great cause we will be camping this wknd and the pool will be open! She told me that I could bring my swimsuits to them and they would sew pockets in for me, but I figured this will probably be the only time I'll need it, so not worth fooling with. I also wanted a more dramatic change, and wanted to go blond! Why not? I'll be losing my hair in a few weeks anyway, so if it looks terrible then it won't matter! But, it didn't work that well, I am a red head instead! And I'm not saying that in a bad way, I really like it, it's just not as big of a change as I was wanting. I think I may go and put in blond highlights, lol! But for those of you that have emailed me, concerned that I hadn't posted, thanks! It makes me feel really good that you are thinking of me. Physically, I am feeling great, I almost have my left arm back 100%! I'm gonna try really hard not to let it be so long til my next post!

No radiation!

Had an appointment with my oncologist today and it went well. I won't have to do any radiation, YAY!! He was really pleased with everything, the MUGA scan results were great, he was really pleased and surprised that I only had 2 nodes bad, and he's ready to get the chemo started as soon as I am. I do have some dental work to get done before I start, so as soon as I get that taken care of, we'll be ready. He went ahead and gave me prescriptions for anti-nausea meds. Oh, and I also called Dr. Holt's office this morning, asking about my right side, I was concerned that it had some fluid in it, so they told me to come by there before I went to Dr. Pierce (oncologist). And, sure enough, I did, he ended up draining over 50cc's of fluid off of that side, but other than that, everything looked ok. I don't go back to him til next Friday and don't go back to Dr. Pierce until I get my dental work finished, so my next appointment is next wed at the dentist, but we're trying to get that moved up, no luck as of yet. I was also told that I would probably rather wear my glasses during chemo instead of my contacts, for comfort, so I set myself up an appointment to get an eye exam next Friday too. I wouldn't gonna do it, I figured I had enough appts anyway, but since we have good vision insurance, I figured I might as well, besides, I wouldn't mind a new set of specs! Man alive, I feel so tired, having to go here and there! I have had a different appointment everyday this week! I feel like I have been to more dr apts this past two months than I have my entire life. There is nothing on the agenda for tomorrow, but the kids' are suppose to be having a "fun day", so if I feel like it, I would like to go to the school for a little while, then Fri will be their last one. So, that's it for now!

Today's appointment...

I had a late evening appointment with Dr Holt today and it went really well. He said that everything was looking good, that it was possible that I may have a little fluid on the right side, but for me to just keep an eye on it and come in if it looks like it's getting worse. But I was told that I can leave the ace bandage off if I want, and if the steri strips start to peel, I can go ahead and take those off. He did tell me that my cancer was stage 2b. I didn't realize that there was an "a&b", but there can be in stages 1 or 2, and with the size of my tumor being almost 4cm, that's what bumped it to 2"b" rather than just stage 2. He seems to think that everything is going good and looking like he wants it to, so I don't have to go back to his office for two wks, well, actually he will be gone so I go back next friday, before he leaves town. I have a dentist appointment tomorrow, and then I see my oncologist Wed. He should tell us then about when I will start chemo and if I will have to have radiation or not. Dr. Holt told me today that there was still a good chance that I will have radiation, that the general rule of thumb was usually if there are 3 lymph nodes or more affected, but that I had 2 and given my young age, it would be a good idea. So, I should find out something Wednesday. Then on Friday, my twins will graduate kindergarten! I can't believe that they have went through their first year of school already, time flies! I'm so proud of them!! Well, that's about it for now, I think I feel like working on a few handmade cards while Doug works on remodeling the bathroom. See ya soon!

Hi!

My appointment with Dr. Holt went good Thurs., I got both drains taken out and the bandage taken off of the port. Even cracked a few jokes with the doc, laughter always makes ya feel better! I have to say, the staff in that office is great! They know me by name now, so I don't have to sign in, and his nurse is amazing! She is so sweet and understanding, but so are the ladies at the front desk too! I just couldn't ask for better people to deal with! Having the drains taken out wasn't as easy this go around as it was having that first one removed! This time I knew what to expect and knew it would be uncomfortable! And, it was, but well worth it! I didn't think he was gonna take out the one in the right side, he had to think about it a long time, and I even told him I wouldn't pout to bad if he decided to leave it in, but he DID take it out and I could have easily hugged his neck! Ok, maybe not "easily" since I can't get my arms up to high, but you know what I mean. I will have to say that going out in public has not been no where near as bad as I thought it would be. I was afraid that I would be too self conscious about not having breasts, but it really doesn't bother me. But, since I am overweight, it looks like I'm about to drop a baby at any time, lol! With no boobs there, it draws lots more attention to my belly. I'm sure there have been plenty people see me and wonder what the deal is, why don't I look "right". But, doesn't bother me none. Depression is trying to sink in, and trying real hard. Here I was, not able to shower because of those drains, and even tho I have a wonderful husband that was helping me in ways that a man should never have to do, I was really upset that I couldn't do it for myself! I can't get comfy in the bed, I am use to sleeping on my side, and I just cannot do that right now, and it is extremely frustrating that I can't toss and turn in the bed like I want, instead I wake up in the wee hours of the morning and it feels like I have knots in my back where I can't move around in bed. Then I would have to wake Doug up so he can help me sit up, or whatever, so I can get some relief, then try and go back to sleep, I tell ya, I have really lost out on good rest here lately! Then visitors, haven't had many, so that doesn't help matters. I'm sure that everyone is using the "wait til you feel like it" before visiting, but I'm feeling like it now. I'm doing really good, honestly! I was only laid up on the couch for the first few days home, now I'm up walking and doing mostly normal things. The fact that my kids aren't home really bothers me. I miss them really bad! I have gotten to see them almost everyday, and I'm thankful for that, but I still miss 'em! These are just a few of the things I am having to battle along with the cancer. It's not an easy battle, but I have God on my side and that makes it easier. Again, thanks for the cards that have been coming! Thank you, Dianne, for the book and goodies for the kids, they were tickled to have their own mail, lol! Thanks, Amy, for the angel clip, it's beautiful! I need to give my left arm/hand a break, so til next time...

One week ago today...

Right now it's a little after 6am, been up a little while, couldn't sleep. So I thought now would be a good time to get updated on my blog. Didn't even realize that one week ago today was when my surgery was, as a matter of fact, I was just getting into my hospital gown right about now. Kim and Billy was waiting for us at the hospital, and Dad and Arlene came in just a few short minutes after that and then my mom and her friend Cathy. It was nice to have them all there to help keep my mind off of what was about to happen, I was losing my breasts for heavens sakes, I think I was entitled to a little chit chat to keep me occupied, right? They came to get me around 6:45, give or take a few minutes, it was time for the "I love you"s and "we'll see you in a little while" and all those things. Handed my glasses over to Doug, and a sweet tender kiss accompanied by a few tears and we had to say bye for the moment. I can't see anything without my glasses or contacts, so I was so uncomfortable with that alone, not to mention everything else that was going on. They got me an iv started and gave me something to relax me a little and it was working quite well until my surgeon came to me with the dye to inject in my left breast. This was going to help him see the lymph nodes, and that HURT!!!! So much for me being all relaxed, the pain from that needle in my breast, at the nipple area, none the less! But thankfully, it wasn't long after that they took me on back to the operating room. I can't remember exactly what song was playing, but I do remember it was one that I liked myself, and I remember the nurse anesthetist, which was a very handsome male, was trying to make me comfortable by making small talk and something was said about feeling like I had had a few beers, lol!! No, I don't drink, but it was funny, whatever it was, lol! Then the mask and I was in la la land, having me a good ole nap! Then next thing I remember was waking up in recovery and I was burning up! And getting so hot made me nauseous, and I was trying to tell that nurse and she would just tell me that I was ok it was where they had in me in a bear hug,( heated blanket) but she wouldn't make any effort to make me comfortable. Where I was still groggy, my speech was slurred, so I don't know if she didn't understand me or just wouldn't do anything about it, but either way I was getting very frustrated, and that didn't help the nausea any! I remember crying when I woke up and just had this incredible need to see Doug, I just felt like I missed him so much and I NEEDED him there with me right then, and of course he couldn't be in the recovery room, so there was another thing not going my way, lol. But then I do see a familiar face, it was Greta, the nurse that had assisted in my biopsy. She was such a blessing and comfort then, and had called a couple of times after my biopsy to see how I was, so she is kinda special to me. She had seen Doug in the hallway and came in to find me, she held my hand and told me that he was waiting on me, and I think she walked out with me when they were taking me to my room, but by this time I was fighting back the nausea so bad that I can't remember what was going on. I was telling them that I was sick, and was handed this little bitty kidney shaped pan, and I knew that I would not be able to hit that little thing, so I was trying my hardest to hold it back. They got me to my room and in my bed, after several "rests" cause I thought I would be sick, but just as soon as I was in my bed, I knew I wouldn't be able to hold it any longer. I seen the bigger pan at the end of my bed and was pointing to it and Doug couldn't figure out what I needed, bless his heart, he was picking up everything! The pan, finally, made it's way to my head, and that was it! So they finally gave me something to ease my stomach, and something to head off the pain, so I was once again in la la land, sleeping like a baby! So I pretty much slept the rest of the day, til later in the evening, Kim and Doug managed to get me up and in the bathroom, then they changed me into the gown I had brought, and I sat up in the bed for a little bit. Had some ice chips, then a diet sprite. I had "room service" to bring me a little cup of orange sherbet, and when I say little, I mean LITTLE! But, it tasted good in my mouth, and was cool and smooth. Then I had Doug go out to Chick-Fil-A to get me some chicken nuggets, took me a little while, but I finally got those down. As far as visitors, of course Kim and Doug was with me, and my cousin Tracy stopped by and brought me some beautiful flowers, then Dad and Arlene came back that evening, but that was it. Kim brought me breakfast Fri morning, and it was good! Nothing much happened, Dr. Holt came in and said I could go home. Dad and Arlene showed up right when I was dressed and ready to go, so they decided to go get our lunch and meet us at the house. Nothing much more happened that day, so I'm gonna close this post up. I have a couple appointments today, one is lab work for the oncologist, and then I go back to see Dr. Holt. I'm really hoping that my drains come out today, they are getting to be aggravating! And he will also take the bandaging off of where the port was placed, and that will be a good thing cause it has been itching me like crazy, that's a sign of healing, if I'm not mistaken. So anyway, til next time....

Some good news...

My appointment with Dr Holt went well today, at least I thought so anyway, lol! He had taken out 17 lymph nodes and only 2 were positive for cancer! That was a huge relief! I'm pretty sure I posted in a previous post that the more nodes that it had spread to meant the greater the chance that the cancer would develop somewhere else in my body, so since it was only 2 out of the 17 he took, I thought that was pretty dag gone good! He also told us that the tumor was a little bigger than what they had measured during the biopsy, they thought it was just over 3cm but it was actually 3.9cm, almost 4, but that it was close to the skin and that was a good thing. He did remove the bandages, and it was very hard, I only glanced down for a very short peak, and knew I wasn't ready to cross that bridge. He did remove one of the three drains I had, so that was good, and I go back thurs and he will probably take another one out. That was really uncomfortable, but it was over quick. He will also uncover the bandage where the port is, and that will feel better too! So I'm wrapped back up in another ace bandage, but without the extra gauze, and was told I could take it off to let it "breath" if I felt like it, but it was up to me. Just let me say, it probably will NOT be coming off before I go back on thurs. That's it for now.

On the tube...

I had been seeing the commercial for this for the past few days and wanted to watch, it was "Living with cancer", hosted by Ted Koppel, and he had his best friend there along with Elizabeth Edwards and Lance Armstrong. I just happen to run across it last night so didn't get to watch from the very beginning, but it comes back on tonight at 8 o'clock est, on the Discovery Times channel. But check your local listings to see if it will be coming on where you are, I really suggest anyone watch it, if you have cancer or not. It, well what I parts I seen of it, was so educating, but not in the text book way, in the personal way that most people understand. It was mostly the story of Ted's friend, Larry (I think that's what his name is, please forgive me if it isn't!) and a documentation of his journey with cancer so far. Then the stories of Lance Armstrong's battle with his cancer and Elizabeth Edwards current battle with breast cancer. Of course, it hit home way too hard for me and I was doing a lot of crying, but still at the same time I couldn't turn it off, I felt like a sponge and just wanted to absorb every word that was said. I'm gonna try to find out if it's available to purchase sometime today, just in case I forget about it again this evening. Anyway, it's very informative and it will really open your eyes up to things I know that I didn't know, and it will help you understand things a little better if you know someone that is living with the disease.
Ok, now, getting back to the more personal stuff. I really have missed sitting down here and writing, letting it out, so to speak. I hope that I remember to come back later and post just about the surgery itself, cause that will be long. But coming home is what I will talk about right now. It's great to be home, altho I miss my kiddos like crazy, I know that they are being well taken care of and that they are still young enough that they will forget about most of this, and for that I have to be thankful! It's been really hard dealing with the fact that I can't do it all on my own. So, again, I have to be thankful for my caregivers, mainly my dear dear husband! My sister has been great, as well as my dad and step mom, she has been cooking some great meals for us! Ok, so I'm not gonna be able to post as much as I wanted to this time, my left arm and hand are getting extremely tired. That's the side the cancer was in and where the lymph nodes were removed. So I guess you will just have to wait a while for any more. I do have a follow-up appointment with my surgeon today, so keep me in your thoughts and prayers for that. I think he will be removing my bandages, and honestly, I'm not ready for that part. So I need prayers!! Thanks for the comments, everybody, it helps keep my spirits up!

It's me, Kristi!

It won't be a long post, but I just wanted to see how good I really felt, lol. And the left side, where the lymph nodes were taken, feels like I have a cinder block tied to it! I wanted to thank everyone for EVERYTHING!! I have gotten some great cards, comments, emails, gifts, and it has all brought lots of smiles to my face! Now, if someone could find me a cure for the itches, I would be set! I'm pretty sure it's a side effect from the pain medicine, so I know it will eventually go away. Ok, well, I believe I have done enough, till next time....

She's home now!

She got discharged around 11 am this morning....home now and resting after getting some good food in her belly and a couple of hugs and kisses from the kiddos. Doing as well as could be expected, and then some! I'm sure she'll be back online and getting everyone up to date before too much longer.

Surgery day update

Kim here, checking in. Sorry I'm late, but it's been a very looooong day! I don't do 5:30am for just anybody mind you! Gonna give it to ya in a nutshell, then I'm headed to bed.

Surgery got started a little before 8am, lasted around 3 hours, then about an hour in recovery. The surgery itself went well, according to Dr. Holt. The post-anesthesia nausea & vomiting set in right after getting up to her room, but with the help of a few IV meds, it didn't take too long to resolve. (Not to mention, it makes for some good sleep time!) She eventually roused up and felt well enough to try a few ice chips and Sprite, followed later with some orange sherbet, and topped off this evening with Chick-fil-A nuggets and a milkshake. That's definitely a good sign! As long as she has an uneventful night and adequate pain control tomorrow, they anticipate discharging her home. I'll fill ya in then............

Tomorrow is the big day!

Well, let's see, in less than 12hrs, my boobs will be "no more"! Seems like a waste to me, they look and feel like a pretty good set, it's a shame they have to be trashed! Oh well, better my boobs than all of me, right? So I have to be at the hospital at 5:30am, and then they will take me to the holding area about an hour after that to get my iv started and all that good stuff, then into the OR around 7:10 or so, then the actual procedure, then in recovery for an hour or so, sounds like a long day, huh? Won't be for me tho, I will be off in another world and sleeping good! But please say a prayer for my husband, he will need it even if he won't admit it! Not that the rest of the family won't, but you know what I mean. Well, I'm as ready as I ever will be I guess. Have my bag packed and ready, kids are all taken care of. Oh crap! I forgot, I meant to go buy a couple new bras to have. HaHa! Anyway, I'm gonna have Kim update for my adoring fans. Not exactly sure when it will be, maybe sometime tomorrow evening or later in the night, but it will be sometime. Thanks for all the cards I have been getting, loving them! Angie, your card was adorable and I got a great big smile from it! If you have emailed me, or called and left a message and I haven't gotten back, please don't take it personal! We have been so busy, and things have just been CRAZY!!! Ok, I'm off to bed to try to get some sleep. Hope to see you all soon! (as is back posting here)