Tired. Very tired!

We just came home from a long weekend of camping in Pigeon Forge. Went down on Thursday and came home yesterday. It was fun, and it done us all good to get away from home for a little while. Kim and Billy went too but left a day earlier than we did, and Grayson decided he wanted to go with them! It was late when we got there Thurs evening so we didn't do much, then on Friday, Doug fixed pancakes and bacon for breakfast, yummy, then we went to Camping World and picked up a few things. Found out that the electricity was off for some reason when we got back to the campground, but it came back on before too long. Then on Saturday we went to Dollywood for a few hours. It was miserably crowded and hot! Of course, a lot of it could have just been me. One thing I have noticed recently is that even if I feel fine, I still can't do as much as I use to. Like, when I'm doing something and I get tired, I have to stop and rest then, I can't push myself and keep going like before. And, I can't tolerate the heat like before, either. The heat will wipe me out super fast! This has been hard, I have done such a good job at dealing with the whole "cancer" bit that I have made myself believe that I'm fine and nothing is different. But I am different, physically, my body just can't do as much right now and I DO NOT want to accept this. Accepting it makes me remember that I am sick and that it is effecting my life. It also means that it affects everyone around me. It's so hard to tell the kids that mom can't do this or can't do that cause I'm getting to tired, it's not fair to them. It's hard enough for a 6yr old to understand, but almost impossible for a 3yr old to understand.
Anyway, enough about that. On a good note, I had a follow-up appointment with my surgeon Thursday before we left. I like going to see him, love the office girls, love his nurse, and it doesn't hurt my feelings none that he's a cutie!! I brought my camera along with me and asked for a pic, don't forget I'm a scrapper, so I have to have a pic! I did not, however, ask if I could post it on my blog, so I hope it's ok with them that I did. If you guys see it and want me to take it off, I will, just let me know! And if you DO see it and don't leave me a comment, I will be very upset! That goes for you gals at the desk too!! Here's the pic...

That's one of my red wigs, I didn't realize that it flipped that much! I will definitely have to do something about that, it looks terrible! Not the best pic of myself, but it's really good of them and I wanted to share. Anywho, he said everything was looking fine and I won't go back to see him til the end of Oct. I really just want to work in that office, I think it would be a blast, not to mention the extra income would be nice!
I'm pretty sure that I have wrote about chemo angels, well my two have been great, as always! I got some scrapping stuff from one of them for my birthday, and loved the papers she sent me! And I just got some stuff from the other one as well. Before we went camping I got a couple puzzle books and she sent the twins a coloring book and the little one a board book, then when we came home, I came across another package from her, she sent me a pack of "queasy-pops"! I have never heard of these before, but they look cool! They are suckers made of natural flavors that are suppose to reduce or eliminate an upset stomach! How cool is that!?!?! You guys are great! I look forward to doing this once all of my treatments are over and I can be the one sending stuff and making someone else's day!

For Dianne C....

Dianne, I usually don't post specifically for a "thank you", but the verse you posted in my comments was perfect and it made me look at things a lot different! From the package for me and the kids, to emails, and all the comments you leave for me, you have truly been a blessing! I WILL make it to CTF, no matter what, just so I can give you a big hug!

Inquiring minds want to SEE!!!!

So, you think you want to see me bald? (if you answered "no" to this question, I don't know what to tell you, just close your eyes and scroll on down to the rest of the post I guess.)This isn't easy for me, by no means, but I have been asked by a few close friends and it might help another young woman that is facing the same thing soon, so here ya go...

There are probably several family and friends, and maybe even people I don't know, saying it doesn't look that bad, and thanks for the comment, but I still avoid looking at my reflection as much as possible. I'm told that my wigs look great, very real, but I still don't wear them much, it's just too dang hot and humid here for that. I have been wearing one to church, but that's about it. And when I DO wear one, I usually pull it off as soon as I get back in my car headed home, thank goodness for tinted windows! But, today was my last "bad" treatment, and once it's out of my system then my hair should start to grow back!!!! My Dr told me today that I should still be using shampoo & conditioner, just like before, so my hair follicles would still be stimulated, and that in a few weeks I can start taking vitamins to help it grow back, prenatal vitamins will give it an extra boost to help it grow faster! Speaking of today's treatment, I wanted to give a step-by-step description of what goes on, don't think I have done this previously. Again, just in case you're interested or if it's someone just starting out. Of course, I'm sure that it's different at each office, but this is how it is where I'm treated. 9am...arrive and sign in, get blood drawn and return to waiting area, sometimes I'm lucky and get to go right back to a room. Wait a little bit then go to a room, get temp, blood pressure, and pulse ox read, get asked a series of questions about stuff like any rashes, bowel problems, urinary problems, night sweats, chills, etc. Wait for the dr, ask any questions I might have, and I usually have the same questions over and over cause I can't remember what I have asked, damn chemo-brain! (and just so you know, chemo-brain is very real! I get so frustrated cause I can't talk right sometimes, can't remember stupid lil things, get confuse easily, forget how to spell things I have been able to do for years, UGH, very crazy!) Oh, loose my train-of-thought TOO easy! LOL! Oh yeah, I'll get a physical exam if it's the FNP, but with clothes on, just mouth/throat, neck, breathing, heart, etc. apx.10am...Head back to the chemo room and pick out a chair and wait a few minutes til they have a chance to get me hooked up. I have to wait a tad bit longer if I forgot to ask the nurse to give me numbing cream when she took me back to the exam room, which I have done the past 2 times, and one of the onc nurses will put it on. Then they prep the area with betadine and alcohol, insert the port needle and do a heparin flush, then a little bit of a flush with saline, then a small bag of zantac, followed by a small bag of decadron and zofran for nausea. (please keep in mind that I can't spell right now and these dern medicines are not coming up on spell check, so I don't know if they are right or not!) Then comes the big bag of the "red devil" aka adrimiacin and when that one is all gone I get a big bag of cytoxin, and I HATE this stuff! It makes my sinuses hurt bad, right on the bridge of my nose will burn and it gives me an instant headache! We tried slowing the drip down today to see if it would help, but it didn't much. During this whole process I have to go to the little girl's room at least twice, most of the time more, pulling my iv pole around with me! And so around 1:30pm I was finished today. WooHoo! Everybody is different, but I usually don't start to have nausea til a few days later, maybe a mild headache the evening of a treatment, but nothing a couple ibuprofen can't handle. So, that's a dr's visit for me! We made several stops on the way home and stopped for a bite to eat, but when we finally did make it home, I found a beautiful surprise, wanna see?

Aren't they gorgeous?!?! My cousin, Tamitha, had been by to see me and we were gone
=(, I hated I missed them, but the flowers sure did brighten my day! So, Tamitha, Morgan, and Andrew, thanks so much I absolutely love the flowers, my favorite colors! Now it's time for a little r&r, Doug got called in to work, the house is empty, and I'm enjoying the peace and quiet for a little while. Thanks for coming over to read how I'm doing! Til next time...

A slumber party?

Yep! Just came home from a slumber party, or as my 6yr old calls it, a sleep over. And boy was it fun! I've posted before that she is having a hard time with the whole cancer situation, well Arlene, aka Nana, thought it would be a good idea to have a slumber party with just us girls, me, Kim, Nana and Autumn. We let Autumn do our makeup and hair, well maybe not MY hair, but you get the point. Oh, and she done our nails too!! Man oh man, you should have seen us! Nana also got out a box that was FULL of the Barbies I had when I was close to her age, she really loved that! It was a lot of fun and just what she needed! Now, changing the subject, I had a chemo milestone, if you want to call it that. I puked for the first time yesterday!! Is that a good thing? I thought it was! I was a little queasy during the day yesterday, but not real bad, no worse than usual I should say. But since I wanted to feel good for Autumn and her sleep over I decided to take one of the meds I had been prescribed for nausea. As soon as the drink hit my stomach, I had just enough time to set down my glass and get in the bathroom before it all came racing back up! Sorry if that was too graphic, tried to keep it as simple as I could. I felt just fine after that was over, must have been some pretty good pills, huh?!?!?! This was my 3rd round of A/C chemo, and it has been the worst so far! I've just felt nauseous longer, and I have noticed that my chest bone and back have ached a little from the nuelasta shot. But just one more round of that and I will start the weekly treatments of Taxol. The side effects of it are not suppose to be as severe, so that's something to look forward to! My hair may start to grow back while on it, but then my eyebrows and lashes are probably gonna start to fall out, figures, lol! Well, I believe that's it for now, til next time....

Miss me?

Sorry I've been MIA for over a week. Don't really have any excuses other than just didn't feel like writing. Felt ok physically, but not so great mentally. Guess it's kinda like when I was a teenager and tried to keep a diary, I'd start one, do real good for a few days then not write another entry for weeks, maybe months. Oh well, I'll try to catch up the best I can, it won't be easy, "chemo brain" is starting to set in, lol! Let's see, the hair loss situation is getting a little better but not much, I still hate seeing my reflection but can't hardly stand anything on, so darn hot! So I go "topless" at home most of the time, Doug and the kids seem to have gotten use to it. Autumn is doing much better, still asks often if it will grow back, but I think she's coping a lot better. Ethan is so quiet and reserved it would be easy for me to assume that he was ok as well, but I'm trying hard not to think that just in case he really isn't. And baby Grayson, although 3 isn't really a baby anymore, is just fine. I think being away from home is taking a toll on all of them, so I'm trying to keep them home as much as possible, and there are probably some people reading and wondering why they are not home. I'll give my take on it, if I didn't have family or friends to help out with them and willing to keep them, I would have to do it, feel good or not, obviously, but I am blessed to have family close by and very willing to take them while I'm not feeling good after treatment, so why wouldn't I? Ok, don't know what that was all about, for some reason I felt like I needed to explain what was going on, I almost feel guilty that they are not here all the time and it's hard to accept the fact that I'm "sick".
Friday 7/6/07...
Well, kinda got sidetracked last while I was writing and ended up not finishing, so whatever I was gonna write about I have forgotten by now, oh well! I do want to tell you about the "Look Good, Feel Better" class I went to this past Monday. It's sponsored my the American Cancer Society and is absolutely amazing! I would recommend it to anyone going through chemo! They provide you with a complete set of makeup, and I'm not talking cheap stuff either, Clinique, Merle Norman, Chanel, Este Lauder, to name a few of the makers! I was blown away with that alone! They show you step by step how to use it, how to fill in or create eyebrows if you have lost them. Then they moved on to let everyone try on and pick out a wig and different styles of hats and turbans, showed how to style and care for those. It was just amazing! I think there was 6 cancer patients there and everyone brought a friend or relative with them, so it wasn't crowed at all. And then there was a couple cosmetologists there to help out. And it was all free! Can't beat that with a stick! So, for someone saying there would be no wigs, I'm wig poor! Arlene bought me two that I told you about in a previous post and then I got another one from LGFG, plus a ponytail that I can wear under a cap! I just wish they wasn't so dern hot! I recently signed up for a chemo angel and have two, they are both great! If you have never heard of them, it's a volunteer organization where people are assigned to be your "chemo angel" and while you are undergoing treatments they send you lots of cards and letters. It's been a real pick-me-up! Let's see, I'm sure I have some "thank you's" that need to be addressed. Charlene, thanks so much for the earrings, I LOVE them! Perfect! Amy, thanks for the cool hat, love it too! And the bandanna! Oh crap, I know there is more, but I just can't think of ANYTHING right now! Blame it on chemo brain! I had another round yesterday, by the way. And I have been feeling a little worse this go round, as a matter of fact, feeling quite queasy as I type. So with that being said, I think I will sign out and head for bed. I'm gonna try not to make it so long til my next post, we'll see how I do, lol!