Had a bit of a scare Tuesday evening. Nothing major, and "scare" might even be too strong of a word to use, but none the less, I was worried. I hadn't felt real well since last weeks treatment. I just convinced myself that it was where I had skipped the week before and was just taking it a little harder. I was so tired all week and just could not get enough sleep. Yeah, I know, that's typical side effects of being on chemo. But I have felt so "normal" up until now and I guess I have just been naive to think that I had made it this far that I would have it licked, it didn't matter that my oncologist have told me that the symptoms would occur towards the end of treatments. Anyway, back to Tues evening. I had a small energy burst and decided to do a bit of picking up in the living room, go through some of the kids' shoes and then was gonna wash some dishes that had been piling up on me. Got a few things done and vacuumed, well that made me break out in a cold sweat, soaked my shirt, and I didn't have a large area to vacuum either. So much for getting to the dishes. I had to take me a shower to wash the sweaty grime and cool myself off and then I camped out on the couch a while. I could tell my temp was going up and sure enough, the thermometer read 99.6. And I know that isn't considered high by normal means, but it isn't exactly great for someone doing chemo and have been told countless times to call someone at the office or whoever was on call if it ever got to 100.0. I tried to rest as much as I could, but that isn't the easiest thing to do with a 3yr old just getting up from a good nap and it was also time to pick up the other two from school. Got them home and their homework out of the way and I returned to my spot on the couch/recliner with my book. I feel so bad having these bad days, for Doug. If I haven't mentioned it before, we live on a cattle farm, that he takes care of almost by himself. Granted he doesn't have as much to do as some farmers, he still has livestock to feed and a few other farm chores that have to be done on a daily basis. Plus he works a full time job during the day. So for me not to feel well means that he will have to do my evening stuff like supper and bathes. I was started to get lightheaded when I stood up and a little out of sorts, my temp, had indeed, went up to 100.0. Ok, so now what? It was about 6:30 and there was probably still somebody in the office if I called, but what would happen then? I would have been happy if I would just be told to drink fluids and keep an eye on it, but I knew in my heart that wouldn't be the response I would get. It would be more along the lines of "come by the office so we can give you some iv fluids" or "head to the er so you can get iv fluids", neither of which I was fond of, and besides I would be seeing the Dr the next day. Made the decision to keep a CLOSE eye on the temp and promised myself that I would call if it went up anymore, AT ALL! It didn't, thankfully. So, get up Wed morning, feeling ok, temp is down. Get the kids off to school, get Grayson to my in-laws', yadda yadda yadda. Turns out that the symptoms will sometimes hit all at once, towards the end of treatment, instead of gradually coming on. ARGH! It seems convenient for them to leave out little, but oh so important, details! Still don't know what the temp could have been, my blood work was normal, really good actually. He says when I see him for the next appointment, in 4 weeks, he wants to talk to me about seeing a genetic counselor and have the genetic testing done. This will be to see if I carry a certain cancer markers. If I do then he will strongly recommend a total hysterectomy because I will be at a high risk of the cancer showing up in either my ovaries and/or uterus. Since Doug and I decided after Grayson was born that we were happy with our family and I had my tubes tied, this is not as upsetting as it potentially could be. There will be A LOT to think about with this test though. And I have went back and forth, weighing the pros and cons, all I have to say is that I will have to pray hard about this decision. If the insurance decides not to pay for the test, it will be $3,000.00 out of our pockets. If we go ahead and then it shows that the markers are present, my will have to deal with higher insurance premiums from now on because it means that they may potentially carry it as well. Kim brought up a very good point which I have thought about a lot, why not just go ahead with the hysterectomy, without having the genetic testing. I mean, we know we don't want anymore children, and it pretty much is the same as deciding to have my right breast removed to prevent the cancer from developing in that side. But, like I said, I won't see him again for 4wks, and I plan on doing a lot of research on the topic between now and then. Then was told I can expect to keep feeling tired for the next few weeks til I'm done and it starts working it's way out of my system. My chemo nurse said something that put it perfect perspective for me. She said that the steroids that I am on are giving me a FALSE feeling of having energy which makes me "think" I feel ok and like I can do things when in reality I don't have no where near the energy I think in turn making me over do it most of the time when I attempt something. It's just funny that something so simple can make so much sense!! Good news is that I just have one more chemo treatment to go and I AM DONE!!! WOW! Bittersweet. For the other triple negs out there with me, you know what I mean. I won't have the sense on security being able to take a pill everyday for the next 5yrs to prevent it from coming back. I have to get off of here. The twins have a field trip to the pumpkin patch today and I want to go with them. I need to decide which hair to wear, I don't the other kids asking them why their mommy's hair looks like it does. They are totally comfortable with it now, but I still don't want to make things hard on them at school, they have enough to deal with! I'll leave you with an odd fact, my very last chemo treatment will fall on Halloween day, freaky!!

Yes, I'm still alive!

You would think that I would get more comments considering that every time I go somewhere there is at least one person telling that they read my blog all the time! LOL!! Oh well, I guess that's just life, hehe. Had a treatment today, only TWO more to go!!! I can't believe it, it seems like just yesterday that I was dreading the 16 treatments and I thought that 5months sounded like an eternity. If there is anyone reading that is starting to go into this, I thought of something that might be helpful. Bug spray!!! Why, you might ask. Simple, mosquitoes consider you to be an all you can eat buffet while on chemotherapy. I'm pretty sure it has just been since starting the Taxol, honestly I just can't remember. I can go out to my car to get something and right back in the house and get at least 3 bites. We went to the survivors banquet a couple evenings before the race, and I sat and talked to the girls from the dr's office for a long while, and forgot the bug repellent. Well, just let me tell ya, I regretted that, BIG TIME!!! One of the little suckers, no pun intended, lol, must have gotten in my shirt, cause I had all kinds of bites in my back and shoulders! Between those and the ones on my ankles, me and Doug counted a whopping 21 bites!!! And that is new bites, not the ones that were already on the mend. I wasn't one to have a problem with them before either. On to other Taxol issues, I have mentioned before that one of the side effects would be tingling and numbing in the fingers and toes, but that it would be towards the end of treatment. Well, here it is, almost the end, and sure enough I have been noticing tingling sensation in my hands. It's a familiar feeling, like when you have your arm propped up on the table or something for a long time and it goes to sleep? It's sorta like that, very weird, that's for sure! I have also noticed that my legs feel very heavy, especially right after treatment and feel like jello when I have been sitting for a while then get up, but that usually fades a few days after chemo. My hair is coming back quite fast! It is really getting thick now, and it even ticks out a little over my glasses, lol! (yes, I have been made aware that the pic didn't show up from the last post, I'll fix it, sometime, lol!) I probably look like I am trying very hard, and failing very badly, at sporting a short do!! UGH, and the bloating from the steroids, oh I could just scream!! I could easily pass as being preggers, at least 7-8mos along, lol! My clothes are tight around the middle and nothing is comfy. I'll be so glad when I the water weight comes off, at least that's what my oncologist has told me, that it will come off quick. We'll see! Now, all of the chemo stuff out of the way, let me tell you about my previous wknd. It was wonderful! Just what I needed to relax and get away from "cancer" for a couple of days! Every year, for the past 6yrs, Kim and I have been going to a scrapbook crop called Croptoberfest, or CTF for short. It is held in the mountains at a baptist youth camp, so it's intended for teens, meaning the beds are uncomfortable, lol! Bunk beds at that! In bunk houses! And a tiny bathroom shared by 10-12 women! But I was a little spoiled this year, there is a private room right off the dining hall, where we scrap, that was just one bed and a private bathroom, and I was assigned there, and Kim pulled a mattress in there to keep me company! Man, was it nice! I don't mean 5 star hotel nice, but just nice that I was able to use it and not have to walk back and forth to the bunkhouses, that are on a hill, that would have drained me for sure! But a good friend of Kim's, and has since became a good friend of mine, invited us several years ago and we have been going ever since, it's a blast! We just scrap and laugh the whole wknd, I couldn't ask for anything better! I have posted a special thank you to Dianne on my blog before, well, she's the one who makes the whole wknd possible, she's amazing! She had picked up a copy of "Dear God, They Say It's Cancer" and brought me. I haven't had time to sit down and start reading it, but I did thumb trough it while I was there and loved everything I read! Lot's of great quotes and bible verses. I enjoyed being on my "soapbox" this wknd too, lol! I was able to tell my story to a feel souls willing to listen, thanks gals, you know who you are! And Janice, I'm so sorry you had to sit and listen through them all, lol. Speaking of Janice, it was wonderful spending the wknd with her, she has become a very important friend. She lives in Fl and flies into TN, we pick her up and provide her with items not feasible to bring on a plane. Then throughout the year while waiting on CTF to roll back around, we chat online, etc., just goes to show that you can have a great friendship with someone no matter what the distance between you. I didn't get near as much done as one would think considering I was there from Thurs til Sun, but I did manage to crank out a few pages and some cards, so I cannot complain. I am still trying to get caught up on my rest, but it was well worth it! Ok, I'm gonna go. I'll see if I can get the picture posted, it's of me and Doug at the beach last month and you should be able to see how my hair has grown. I might even try getting a more recent one tomorrow, it really has taken off since that beach pic was made.

I DID IT!!!!

I DID IT!!! I walked the whole 3.1miles of the Susan G. Komen Race For the Cure today! I'm beyond exhausted, but still at the same time feel better than I have in a long time! There were a few times that I would have almost gave in and rode the trolley back to the finish line, but I didn't. I toughed it out. It took me 1hr and 7min, but I done it! (see, Tory, I told you it would take me longer than an hour, lol!) There was a few things that put a small damper on things, but nothing that ruined the day. One thing, it was WAY TOO HOT!!! Here it is Oct and it was in the 90's, ugh! So we're walking, walking, walking, and I'm thinking that it should be time to start seeing a water station, I was really needing it. And, finally, we came to one and guess what, they were OUT!!! No water left. Ok, so no water, I'll just have to deal with it, I'll get some at the next station. We finally come up on the next one, and guess what, NO CUPS!! ARGH!!!! Man was I ever so upset! Finally, one of the main ladies with the tricities branch of the Komen foundation found a way to get in touch with them back at the park and told them that there were lots of people that wasn't getting water. It wasn't long til they drove their little Mule out to the back of the walk and gave us very cold bottled water!!! I don't know if I would have been able to finish without it! And ya know what, I didn't even stop and rest! Now THAT surprised even me! Something else that surprised me, I was the 3rd top fundraiser in the whole race! Thanks to so many of you, I was able to raise $1,235.00! Is that not simply amazing!?!?! Holy cow, I still can't believe that I raised that much money! THANKS TO ALL OF THOSE WHO DONATED!!! This weekend was just great, that's all there is to it. Doug and I was able to attend the survivors banquet on Friday evening, that was great. I got to chat with a bunch of the girls from my surgeons office, I LOVE these girls, I wish Geah and Donna would have been there to talk to too though. Then today I got to see everybody that came to walk with me, my dad and step-mom, my aunt Margret and uncle Glen, my sister and her husband, my MIL, BIL and SIL, my SIL's mom, my cousin Delana, my long time friend Tonya, and her sweet aunt Bobby, my friend Alice, and then my friends Amy and Mitzi got hung up in traffic and didn't make it in time to actually walk, but they were there, none the less! Oh, and I almost forgot, my dad and stepmom's friends, Dorothy and Otis. Needless to say, I was feeling pretty darn special today! I'm so blessed! And I'm gonna leave it at that!

Guess what I just did....

I walked a mile! LOL!! I know some people may be reading this and saying "so?", but that is amazing for me. First of all, I'm not in shape to do any kind of exercise, so walking AT ALL is a small victory for me, then add the fatigue from the chemo to being out of shape and overweight and it makes it a pretty big victory. I had good intentions of starting a lot sooner than this to prepare myself for the 3mi walk coming up this wknd, but I just kept putting it off til "tomorrow" and here it is just days til we walk. But this morning I really did it. Got the kids ready for school, got the little one in real clothes instead of leaving him in his jammies all day, loaded up the stroller, dropped the kids off at school, and headed over to the park. The park has a really nice place to walk and the weather was great, cool but not too cool, just right. Grayson was content riding in his "buggy", don't know where he got that from, but it was funny. There were squirrels everywhere, so it kept him busy looking for the next one. I just hope I'm not so sore in the morning that I'll talk myself out of going again. We'll see, lol!
The fundraising has really went above and beyond my expectations. I never would have imagined that I would have raised what I have, I just like $25 to meet my $700 goal!! But I haven't done it alone, Kim baked up a bunch of goodies and sold them where she works and Billy also took some to sell where he works. Kim also ordered some really pretty bracelets and sold them, and Arlene, my wonderful stepmother, sold some where she works too. And THEN, I ordered some other pink merchandise, like calendars and ink pens and stuff, and Arlene took those to work with her last night. Friends and family have made generous donations, and all are very much appreciated! I will update my thank you list when all donations have been taken. The walk/race isn't until Sunday, but there is a special survivors party on Friday night that I want to go to, then there is a concert on Saturday I think. It's just all very exciting and I'm really looking forward to it!
This round of chemo treatments are starting to show their side effects. More than likely it's the steroids. My face is puffy, my hands and feet swell really easy, my stomach is swelled a little, I can tell that my shirts are tighter around the middle, more than usual. I have also started to notice a little bit of tingling in my fingers occasionally, nothing major, but I can tell it's starting. The feeling of wanting to eat everything all the time has kinda settled down, not staying hungry ALL the time like I was. I'm just glad that I only have 4 more left! And my hair, oh my hair, I just don't know what it's doing, lol! It's growing back, pretty fast, and it's getting thicker, I can tell when I wash it that it's getting thick, but I still can't really "see" it, lol. I know that doesn't make much sence, but I can't help it. I'm guessing that it's just really light maybe. It still feels good to rub, so soft! I have a pic to show you that you can see my hair, so you can decide. The pic is of my dear husband, Doug, and me at the beach last wknd. It was a lot of fun, and very relaxing!