Frustrated! That's how I feel right now. I got a call today telling me that Dr. Peirce (my oncologist) still hasn't gotten the pathology report and they were changing my appointment. I was suppose to go back Thursday, but now I won't go til next Thursday, with the anticipation of starting treatment. It didn't bother me too bad til I got to thinking about it. Dern it, I have a deadly disease living inside me, I don't want to wait another week to start killing this thing! I'm so glad I have school to occupy my mind, and time. And I'm even happier that I have the good Lord above to turn all my burdens over to.
On a lighter note, I'm taking the time to read for pleasure! I love to read, just don't always make the time to do it. If you read here on a regular basis, you know that I have recently developed sort of an obsession with Twilight. I figured since I would be starting chemo again, it would be a good time to start reading the Twilight series. Well, there are four books in the series, and I started the third one today, lol! I'm not gonna have any left by the time I DO start chemo. I wasn't impressed with the second one, New Moon, I guess it was because my fave character wasn't present in the biggest part of the book. So far, the third one is good, but I'm only on the 6th chapter. Anyway, I think I would rather be reading than writing, so I'll be back sometime!

No Treatment Today!

I can't tell you how disappointed I am that I didn't get to start treatments today. We got there this morning, had blood drawn, blood pressure, temp, all that good stuff. Then when doc comes in, he tells us that they are still waiting on the pathology report from the biopsy. When he finally does get it, it doesn't have anything on it about the hormone status, which was the main thing he needed. So today's trip was pretty much for nothing. All the other test results were fine, so that's a good thing. It was nice to see that the dr was just as mad about the path report not being complete as we were. Sorry it's such a short post, but I'm still a little miffed about the whole thing and don't have much to say. I go back next Thursday, and may or may not, start treatment then.

So tomorrow is the big day! Ok, so maybe nothing to be excited about, but to me it is a small milestone. If everything goes well, I get to start treatments tomorrow. Not that I'm excited to start chemotherapy, but I look at it this way, the sooner I get started, the sooner they will be over. It really isn't for sure that I will start tomorrow. When this appointment was made, the idea was that it would give the doc enough time to get all the results back, from the biopsy, MRI, bone scan, and MUGA scan, and he would be able to decide what treatment would be best for me. And since it's a long drive for us, they gave us an early appt with the hopes that treatments would begin immediately following the dr's visit. Keep your fingers crossed! They did call to let me know that the MRI came back clear, so my noggin looks fine, lol!
So how am I doing emotionally? I have good days and bad. And I'm better at hiding some days than I am others. But I won't lie, it's a lot harder, mentally, this time.
I know it's in God's hands, and he will take care of me, really, I do know this. But I really can't help but wonder why. Then that makes me feel horribly guilty, because questioning God is the last thing I need to be doing right now. Ok, you know what, this is not something I want to get into right now. So I'm gonna change the subject.
Twilight. I had no intentions, at all, to get wrapped up in this craze. But, I did. And I have it bad!!! I got the chance to watch the movie at school, and it was all over from there. The movie was AMAZING! The absolute best love story ever! Not that Edward Cullen is good looking, but he had me melting! Just imagine someone looking at you with those eyes, YUM-O! So a friend of mine from school brought me the first book and I'm about half way through it. The same friend made me a copy of the soundtrack, and I just about have it memorized, it is so good. If that wasn't bad enough, I had to go out and buy the movie this evening! And I'll just tell ya, I'm not the type to buy a lot of movies. We may pick up a few in the $5 bins every now and then, but the last movie I bought as a new release was Cars. That reminds me, I have wrote what I needed to write, so there is no reason why I should still be here typing when I could be watching the movie!!! Just remember me & Doug tomorrow, and keep your fingers crossed that I get some drugs, hehe!

Two tests down!

Well, actually three if I count the biopsy he done when he put in the port. Anyway, today was spent at the hospital, almost ALL DAY! I got there this morning, got checked in, all that good stuff, and they took me on back to nuclear medicine so they could inject the dye. Then she notices that my MRI isn't scheduled til noon, and this was around 10 am, so she's gonna try to get them to take me earlier. She also leaves the iv in my arm, since I have to have another dye injection for the MRI. So I sit, and I sit, and I sit some more. I had already made plans to run a few errands in between the time I got the injection and the time I came back for the MRI, but I stayed, thinking I would get in sooner. Oh, I failed to mention that the actual bone scan, for which the first injection is for, isn't until 1:30. So here I am waiting, I'm about to get frustrated, and hungry, cause that was on my to do list. Ah, and finally I get called back for my MRI, and yes, it was earlier than 12:00, it was 11:45!! UGH!!! So I get back there, they get me started, I'm still miffed. And it was cold in there, I was real close to shivering, so that didn't help matters. I did have time to run and get me some lunch before having the bone scan, even though they didn't give me what I ordered in the drive-thru, but, hey, why should things go my way today? Make it back to the hospital for the scan, and they are running a little behind, so I get to wait some more, yippee! And the girl that did the scan, if she didn't ask me 100 questions, she didn't ask me one! Any other time, I wouldn't have minded a bit, but today it just bothered me. But being the nice person I am, I just answered them and was relieved to get out of there when it was over. And guess what, I get to go back to the very same exact place Thursday morning for the MUGA scan, at 7:30 am. This time I'm taking my mp3!!!!

Well I'm the proud new owner of a brand new shiny port! (at least I think it's shiny, they said it was titanium) Anyway, everything went fine today. I got there on time and they took me straight back and got me prepped. Dr. Holt was about 10 minutes late, but that's ok, since he was in another surgery I guess I can't say too much. The nurses that cared for me were so nice, couldn't have asked for better. Right now it's about 7 hours post-op, and I'm starting to get the feeling back and getting pretty sore. The only restriction I have is not to lift anything heavier than a gallon of milk, lol, and they told me to go by that for at least 7 to 10 days.
I need to thank each and every one of you that have emailed me, called me, and left comments here, your kind words and prayers are better than anything right now! Thank you so much, and may God bless each one of you!

And the ball starts to roll...

I had my appointment with Dr. Pierce yesterday, he was my first oncologist two years ago, but had moved to a different office in Virginia. To have spent two hours listening to him talk, I still don't really know anything different. But I'm not complaining, that's the very reason I love this dr! He makes sure that Doug and I understand whats going on before he lets us leave. He's also very good about keeping up with the latest studies and research, so if there is something new to try, he knows about it. As a matter of fact, he told us he would be going to a conference in May for a lecture on triple negative breast cancer, which is what I have. Thankfully, there are more and more studies being done for triple neg, whereas, two years ago there were not that many. So this is a good thing for me!! Anyway, back to my visit, I left happy. I could leave you hanging at that, but I won't. He said that although he knew he couldn't have prevented it from coming back, he's pretty sure that he could have caught it sooner, had he still been caring for me. But we can't rely on the "what-ifs" so I'll just leave it at that. We still don't have a treatment plan in place, but for a good reason. He wants the biopsy results before he makes any definite decisions. He wants to make sure that it is, for sure, the breast cancer relocated. There is a possibility that it's a different kind of cancer all together, like lymphoma, so of course it would be a waste of time and resources to treat it as breast cancer if it's not, in fact, breast cancer. And your question now is, when is the biopsy? I have to be at the surgery center at 9:30 a.m. on Friday 13th! ACK!!! Good thing I'm not superstitious, huh! But Dr. Holt will perform the biopsy and put the port back in all at one time. Doesn't it sound fun? At least I like the dr!!! This will make the 3rd time I've been put to sleep, and the 4th procedure he has done on me! And then next week, I will be having a MUGA scan to make sure my heart is strong enough for chemo, a nuclear bone scan to so Dr. Pierce can get a closer look at the spots on my bones, and a MRI to make sure that the brain is clear of any spots. Those things will be done on the 17th and 20th, I think that's what I wrote down. The downside to seeing Dr. Pierce was that it's close to a two hour drive. The thing that makes it nice, besides being able to have him and Kelley back on my team of dr's, it's a new facility and it's super nice! There is no comparison with the last office he was in. The chemo treatment area then was a small room lined with recliners, which if several people reclined created an obstacle course for the nurses, and one tv that no one could ever hear, the chemo area in this new place was unbelievable! There were probably triple the chairs, there were half walls between each recliner, and a flat screen tv for EACH chair, oh and one whole wall was windows so you could see the gorgeous mountains of Va. I'm sure that he mentioned other things, but honestly, I can't remember half of what was said, I had a headache while I was there and it was hard focusing on what he was saying.
There is my update! Thanks for all the well wishes and prayers, they mean more than words could express!

I haven't posted in a few days mainly because after venting in the last post, I felt a lot better and it hasn't been on my mind as much. It also helps that there were no dr appointments last week. So I've been feeling great and haven't been too down and out. The weather has been beautiful here in East TN. Over the wknd, Doug and I went out to dinner and a movie with one of the best friends I have, Samantha, and her hubby. We had a really good time, ate some Japanese then hit a movie, Mall Cop. It was a funny movie! Then on Sunday, we went to pick up the kids at my dad's and spent just about all day outside playing. It was really nice! Today was pretty great too, I met up with some friends at school and went shopping, we also had some yummy lunch! Tomorrow I have an appointment with the oncologist, I guess I could call this one my second opinion. Not that I think he will tell me anything different, but if you recall, I didn't care much for the other one. I'll post tomorrow evening with an update, if I don't forget!

Emotional Overflow!

I am having an emotional overflow! I have been MAD! There is no one to be mad at, but I am mad! Mad that this thing has reared its ugly head again, mad that I will have to go through treatments again, mad that my family has to deal with this again. This just isn't fair! Yea I know life isn't fair, but I just need to have my little tantrum. I'm scared! More so this time because I know what lies ahead and I know what to expect. I know that I'm gonna feel crappy, and tired, and possibly sick. And, honestly, I just do not want to do it. But I know I have no choice, like I said, I just need to have a little fit, get it all out, and maybe I will feel better. Feel sorry for myself for a few days, get over it, and face this beast head on. Aside from the emotional feelings overwhelming me, the physical feelings have already started. I'm talking about the pain. Started already? Well, I think that it has been bothering me before, I just had no reason to pay any attention to it. But now that I know what it is, I swear, it hurts a lot worse. Silly isn't it? It's probably all in my head. The hip has been bothering me today, for real, and it has gotten even worse since I came home from school. Not to the point where I feel like I need anything for it, but definitely enough to make me uncomfortable and to know that it is there. Now, every time I feel anything anywhere in my body, it makes me nervous. My shoulder has been bothering me, but I know it's from a recent injury, but still I can't help but let the thought run through my mind that maybe there is a cancer spot there too, and it just didn't show up on the scan. That's so silly, I know. Well, now that I have had my little pity party, I need to go get some things ready for tomorrow so I don't have as much to do in the morning.