OUCH!! update on sore arm....

So I managed to remember to call the dr's office this morning. Guess the pain in my arm reminded me, lol. It's been sore since one day last week, at first I thought it was because I had slept on it wrong, but that would have went away, and it didn't. As a matter of fact, it was getting worse and seemed to be spreading. It's hurting on the underside of my elbow, up to my armpit, and had started to hurt in my shoulder blade. He had me come on in to the office so he could take a look. I was glad that it wasn't the start of lyphedema, instead it's probably a nerve getting the feeling back in it! He explained that there is a nerve in the arm in the area I pointed out as in pain, and that when he does the node dissection that sometimes they take they nerve out but if they don't it will become numb after being "messed" with when the nodes are scraped. The pain that I'm feeling now is the nerve getting it's feeling back. I thought it was pretty interesting myself! Anyway, I was told to take ibuprofen a couple times a day for a week or two and if the pain doesn't get better or go away then he will get me started on physical therapy. He offered to go ahead and get me started now, but I opted to wait. I'm just so happy that it's nothing serious!!! He told me I was just looking for an excuse to come see them their at the office, lol. He just don't know how true that could have been, but I was seriously worried about the pain this time, lol! The girls in the office have created a team to walk in the Komen race, and I'll be posting more about that soon, I want some people join me!! Doug is replacing the window and he may need some help, so I'm outa here!!

Three down.....

and only 9 more to go!! I have 3 Taxol treatments under my belt! This past weeks treatment was fine, nothing out of the ordinary happened. I didn't nap while I got my lovely benadryl, my thigh muscles kept tightening up and it was impossible to fall asleep. I've come to the conclusion that if I fall asleep while getting my infusion then the benadryl doesn't bother me too bad, as far as being drowsy the next few days, but if I do NOT get a nap while getting it then I feel completely worn out to a frazzle for several days afterwards. I'll use that as the excuse for not posting in a while, lol!! I think I told you that my MRI results were fine. Well, my onc nurse told me that my PET scans were clear and that the dr had signed off on it! YAY!!!! I will actually get to see the dr this week, so he'll go over it with me in more detail, I'm sure. Not that there is anything to explain about "clear" but I hope he'll tell me something. Looks like I'm gonna have to call the surgeon's office in the morning. I have been having a really bad pain in my left arm, not good since that is the arm that is at high risk for developing lyphedema. I'm really hoping that's not the deal, but it needs to be checked, for peace of mind if nothing else. It feels like a great big bruise on the underside of my arm down to my elbow, very tender, and it even hurts to put on my deo, but there is no sign of a bruise, no discoloring. I was hoping it would go away, thinking I had slept on it wrong or something, but it has been bothering me since around last Wednesday or so. It's actually even started hurting back towards my shoulder blade. But anyway, I'll call in the morning and see what the dr thinks. Oh, I meant to write about this last week, but it slipped my mind, I had a surprise visit! My aunt Barbara dropped by!! It was so great to see her, and even to SMELL her, lol! I know that sounds extremely weird, but let me explain. You know how a smell can bring up a memory or make you think of a specific time? Well, her smell took me back to my childhood! She wears the same perfume now as she did then, if I'm not mistaken, it's Calvin Klein's Obsession. And since I got several hugs, I was able to smell it on myself the rest of the evening, it was wonderful!! On Friday night, I was able to get a good friend to come scrapbook. It was me, her, and Kim, we had a blast!! I always do when I'm around her, she's a hoot!! I guess I'm gonna close this one up, I'm just not feeling real chatty.

So let's play a game of "catch-up"!

And, no, it doesn't include french fries! LOL! So to start the week off, I go for a MRI Monday. It really wasn't a big deal, I'm just glad I am not claustrophobic! That was a small space for sure! Nothing much went on Tuesday. Then Wednesday was chemo day. Got me another dose of that liquid benadryl, man I'm liking that stuff, hehe! And just think, I will be getting it every time for the rest of the treatments! I can now say only 10 more to go! I didn't see a dr that day, but the onc nurse did tell me that my MRI results looked good. The only thing that showed up was a small cyst in my sinus area, but that it was nothing serious. I will be sure to ask the dr next time what he thinks about it, and he should have the results of the other test too. Kim took me Wed, so when I got done, we did a tad of shopping. We hit Hobby Lobby and I found the deal of the century! Ok, so maybe not the century, but it was a great deal, none the less! If you're a scrapper, you'll get this, if not, then it will be nothing to you probably, lol. So HL just started carrying the Autumn Leaves clear stamps not too long ago, well I am too cheap to pay full price for them, especially knowing that they go on sale half off quite often. Well, anyway, I seen they had a new set that I had been wanting and picked it up, glanced at the price and it was just marked $4.99?!?! I knew that had to be wrong, and sure enough, it was! I looked at the others and they were $14.99! So I grabbed a pack, and Kim grabbed the other two packs that were marked wrong. We couldn't have gotten them cheaper if we HAD waited for them to be on sale! Ok, so I'm sure there are plenty of you reading that says I did the wrong thing. I should have told them of their mistake. BUT, I didn't! Do I feel bad about it? NO! Will God punish me for doing this? Maybe, but remember, I already have cancer, can't get much worse! So, maybe I shouldn't have wrote that, but I'm not deleting it. ANYWAYS.... We left there then went for some more bargain shopping, at Big Lots! Love that store, you can never tell what kind of junk you will find! Oh, the thrill of the hunt!! Another good find for the scrapper in me, Sharpie paint markers, with the white in it, and it wasn't the oil based ones either!! I have looked everywhere for these, the office supply stores, WM, Target, and everywhere else I go that carries office or school supplies! So I was happy to find them at BL! Oh, and they were just $3 for a pack of 5!! Then it's off to Cheddars for some dinner and I had a strawberry tea, it was yummy!! I will tell you this, I was very tired when I got home, lol! But it was fun! Did have a side effect of the chemo creap in on me though, my thigh muscles felt like I had ran 10miles! They were so sore and achy! It went away by the time I got up Thursday morning. Had to be at the hospital for the PET scan at 10am, no problem. Got there and they took me to the little room, made me drink the icky vanilla white stuff, injected the radiation in my veins and let me wait about an hour. I was prepared this time with a book and my mp3. The scan itself didn't seem like it took as long this time, but maybe it's just because I knew what to expect. After that was all over, we met with Kim and had lunch at my favorite place, Johnny Corrino's! Probably didn't spell it right, but I know what I'm talking about! Nothing much more on Thursday, except a minor accident at home. Fixed supper for the kiddos, and was getting their drinks, had just made a full pitcher of kool aid, set it on the side of the sink and went to reach for some cups and must have hit the pitcher cause it fell off the sink directly on top of my foot! OUCH!!! It was one of the older tupperware pitchers, so it has some sharper edges, and it cut my foot in two places and the whole top of it bruised instantly! It's really sore today, especially when I put on shoes! OK, Grayson is so ready for me to finish this up! He has been trying to get up in my lap for the past 10min, so I will go ahead and wrap this one up.

A busy week ahead!

Well, first off, I'll let you all know that the first round of Taxol went just fine. I get a little dose of benadryl through iv to start off with, evidently lots of people are highly allergic to this, so I had a great nap!! No other side effects yet. I was told that I may have some muscle & joint aches and some numbing in my fingers and toes, but it would just progressively happen, not happen all at once. I did ask when I get more scans done, and to my surprise, he said we could do that! So they got it all set up for me. I will have a MRI tomorrow (monday) and then a PET scan on Thursday. This is really bittersweet, on one hand I'll have peace of mind knowing the results, but then again I'm really nervous that they might actually find something. So please keep me in your prayers that God will grant me with some courage and I'll be able to keep my sanity until I get the results! And then Wednesday I will have my 2nd dose of Taxol and I will be able to say "just 10 more!!". Yesterday was a good day. Kim had all the kids for the wknd, letting them swim before school starts, tomorrow! And then I had a visitor, Tonya came up to spend a couple hours with me. It was great! She brought the kids each a little something, and they were so excited when they got home and dug into those bags! She brought me some yummy smelling goodies from Bath and Body Works and "Chicken Soup for the Breast Cancer Survivor's Soul", can't wait to start on it! Anyway, we just sat on the couch and chatted away, just like we did 15yrs ago, it was GREAT! Tonya, I love you dearly and still cherish our friendship with every beat of my heart!! Thank you for being there for me during this whole ordeal! Moving on, tomorrow is the first day of 1st grade for Autumn and Ethan! Well, kinda, they go for a short orientation and then they can come home. We went to meet the teachers Thursday evening. I can't believe how fast summer has flown by! I may not get to volunteer as much as I want to for the first couple of months, but I'm really hoping that I will be able to when I get these last treatments over with! It will be a little tougher this year since they are in separate classes, but I will work it out. Ok, well, I'm gonna get off of here for now, I have to get use to getting up early too, lol!

Had a fun evening!

Yesterday evening I headed out to meet up with a wonderful friend of mine! I met Janice at CTF, a scrapping wknd that I have been attending since 2001. We were paired up as "Get to know you" buddies and hit it off from the start! She has two boys that she calls her "virtual twins" (two boys that she adopted at the same time and are just a month or two apart in age) that are the same age as my twins. She lived in Knoxville at the time we met, but has since moved back to her home state of Florida. We still talk almost everyday via the internet, and we get the spend that scrappy time together when CTF rolls around every year. But she had to fly in to TN for business a few days ago and we made it a point to get together for dinner. We also managed to hit Hobby Lobby too!! Thanks, Janice for the gift card! After that we had a great supper at Sagebrush, yummy!! I do really feel bad, I think I probably talked a tad too much, she probably felt like she couldn't get a word in edgewise! And I'm usually the quiet one, lol! I took my camera along with me, but of course, I forgot it! Well, don't have anymore time to post, I'm gonna mow the yard! Yes, I enjoy doing it, so as long as I have the energy to do so, I will do it! Til next time...

Tired. Very tired!

We just came home from a long weekend of camping in Pigeon Forge. Went down on Thursday and came home yesterday. It was fun, and it done us all good to get away from home for a little while. Kim and Billy went too but left a day earlier than we did, and Grayson decided he wanted to go with them! It was late when we got there Thurs evening so we didn't do much, then on Friday, Doug fixed pancakes and bacon for breakfast, yummy, then we went to Camping World and picked up a few things. Found out that the electricity was off for some reason when we got back to the campground, but it came back on before too long. Then on Saturday we went to Dollywood for a few hours. It was miserably crowded and hot! Of course, a lot of it could have just been me. One thing I have noticed recently is that even if I feel fine, I still can't do as much as I use to. Like, when I'm doing something and I get tired, I have to stop and rest then, I can't push myself and keep going like before. And, I can't tolerate the heat like before, either. The heat will wipe me out super fast! This has been hard, I have done such a good job at dealing with the whole "cancer" bit that I have made myself believe that I'm fine and nothing is different. But I am different, physically, my body just can't do as much right now and I DO NOT want to accept this. Accepting it makes me remember that I am sick and that it is effecting my life. It also means that it affects everyone around me. It's so hard to tell the kids that mom can't do this or can't do that cause I'm getting to tired, it's not fair to them. It's hard enough for a 6yr old to understand, but almost impossible for a 3yr old to understand.
Anyway, enough about that. On a good note, I had a follow-up appointment with my surgeon Thursday before we left. I like going to see him, love the office girls, love his nurse, and it doesn't hurt my feelings none that he's a cutie!! I brought my camera along with me and asked for a pic, don't forget I'm a scrapper, so I have to have a pic! I did not, however, ask if I could post it on my blog, so I hope it's ok with them that I did. If you guys see it and want me to take it off, I will, just let me know! And if you DO see it and don't leave me a comment, I will be very upset! That goes for you gals at the desk too!! Here's the pic...

That's one of my red wigs, I didn't realize that it flipped that much! I will definitely have to do something about that, it looks terrible! Not the best pic of myself, but it's really good of them and I wanted to share. Anywho, he said everything was looking fine and I won't go back to see him til the end of Oct. I really just want to work in that office, I think it would be a blast, not to mention the extra income would be nice!
I'm pretty sure that I have wrote about chemo angels, well my two have been great, as always! I got some scrapping stuff from one of them for my birthday, and loved the papers she sent me! And I just got some stuff from the other one as well. Before we went camping I got a couple puzzle books and she sent the twins a coloring book and the little one a board book, then when we came home, I came across another package from her, she sent me a pack of "queasy-pops"! I have never heard of these before, but they look cool! They are suckers made of natural flavors that are suppose to reduce or eliminate an upset stomach! How cool is that!?!?! You guys are great! I look forward to doing this once all of my treatments are over and I can be the one sending stuff and making someone else's day!

For Dianne C....

Dianne, I usually don't post specifically for a "thank you", but the verse you posted in my comments was perfect and it made me look at things a lot different! From the package for me and the kids, to emails, and all the comments you leave for me, you have truly been a blessing! I WILL make it to CTF, no matter what, just so I can give you a big hug!

Inquiring minds want to SEE!!!!

So, you think you want to see me bald? (if you answered "no" to this question, I don't know what to tell you, just close your eyes and scroll on down to the rest of the post I guess.)This isn't easy for me, by no means, but I have been asked by a few close friends and it might help another young woman that is facing the same thing soon, so here ya go...

There are probably several family and friends, and maybe even people I don't know, saying it doesn't look that bad, and thanks for the comment, but I still avoid looking at my reflection as much as possible. I'm told that my wigs look great, very real, but I still don't wear them much, it's just too dang hot and humid here for that. I have been wearing one to church, but that's about it. And when I DO wear one, I usually pull it off as soon as I get back in my car headed home, thank goodness for tinted windows! But, today was my last "bad" treatment, and once it's out of my system then my hair should start to grow back!!!! My Dr told me today that I should still be using shampoo & conditioner, just like before, so my hair follicles would still be stimulated, and that in a few weeks I can start taking vitamins to help it grow back, prenatal vitamins will give it an extra boost to help it grow faster! Speaking of today's treatment, I wanted to give a step-by-step description of what goes on, don't think I have done this previously. Again, just in case you're interested or if it's someone just starting out. Of course, I'm sure that it's different at each office, but this is how it is where I'm treated. 9am...arrive and sign in, get blood drawn and return to waiting area, sometimes I'm lucky and get to go right back to a room. Wait a little bit then go to a room, get temp, blood pressure, and pulse ox read, get asked a series of questions about stuff like any rashes, bowel problems, urinary problems, night sweats, chills, etc. Wait for the dr, ask any questions I might have, and I usually have the same questions over and over cause I can't remember what I have asked, damn chemo-brain! (and just so you know, chemo-brain is very real! I get so frustrated cause I can't talk right sometimes, can't remember stupid lil things, get confuse easily, forget how to spell things I have been able to do for years, UGH, very crazy!) Oh, loose my train-of-thought TOO easy! LOL! Oh yeah, I'll get a physical exam if it's the FNP, but with clothes on, just mouth/throat, neck, breathing, heart, etc. apx.10am...Head back to the chemo room and pick out a chair and wait a few minutes til they have a chance to get me hooked up. I have to wait a tad bit longer if I forgot to ask the nurse to give me numbing cream when she took me back to the exam room, which I have done the past 2 times, and one of the onc nurses will put it on. Then they prep the area with betadine and alcohol, insert the port needle and do a heparin flush, then a little bit of a flush with saline, then a small bag of zantac, followed by a small bag of decadron and zofran for nausea. (please keep in mind that I can't spell right now and these dern medicines are not coming up on spell check, so I don't know if they are right or not!) Then comes the big bag of the "red devil" aka adrimiacin and when that one is all gone I get a big bag of cytoxin, and I HATE this stuff! It makes my sinuses hurt bad, right on the bridge of my nose will burn and it gives me an instant headache! We tried slowing the drip down today to see if it would help, but it didn't much. During this whole process I have to go to the little girl's room at least twice, most of the time more, pulling my iv pole around with me! And so around 1:30pm I was finished today. WooHoo! Everybody is different, but I usually don't start to have nausea til a few days later, maybe a mild headache the evening of a treatment, but nothing a couple ibuprofen can't handle. So, that's a dr's visit for me! We made several stops on the way home and stopped for a bite to eat, but when we finally did make it home, I found a beautiful surprise, wanna see?

Aren't they gorgeous?!?! My cousin, Tamitha, had been by to see me and we were gone
=(, I hated I missed them, but the flowers sure did brighten my day! So, Tamitha, Morgan, and Andrew, thanks so much I absolutely love the flowers, my favorite colors! Now it's time for a little r&r, Doug got called in to work, the house is empty, and I'm enjoying the peace and quiet for a little while. Thanks for coming over to read how I'm doing! Til next time...

A slumber party?

Yep! Just came home from a slumber party, or as my 6yr old calls it, a sleep over. And boy was it fun! I've posted before that she is having a hard time with the whole cancer situation, well Arlene, aka Nana, thought it would be a good idea to have a slumber party with just us girls, me, Kim, Nana and Autumn. We let Autumn do our makeup and hair, well maybe not MY hair, but you get the point. Oh, and she done our nails too!! Man oh man, you should have seen us! Nana also got out a box that was FULL of the Barbies I had when I was close to her age, she really loved that! It was a lot of fun and just what she needed! Now, changing the subject, I had a chemo milestone, if you want to call it that. I puked for the first time yesterday!! Is that a good thing? I thought it was! I was a little queasy during the day yesterday, but not real bad, no worse than usual I should say. But since I wanted to feel good for Autumn and her sleep over I decided to take one of the meds I had been prescribed for nausea. As soon as the drink hit my stomach, I had just enough time to set down my glass and get in the bathroom before it all came racing back up! Sorry if that was too graphic, tried to keep it as simple as I could. I felt just fine after that was over, must have been some pretty good pills, huh?!?!?! This was my 3rd round of A/C chemo, and it has been the worst so far! I've just felt nauseous longer, and I have noticed that my chest bone and back have ached a little from the nuelasta shot. But just one more round of that and I will start the weekly treatments of Taxol. The side effects of it are not suppose to be as severe, so that's something to look forward to! My hair may start to grow back while on it, but then my eyebrows and lashes are probably gonna start to fall out, figures, lol! Well, I believe that's it for now, til next time....

Miss me?

Sorry I've been MIA for over a week. Don't really have any excuses other than just didn't feel like writing. Felt ok physically, but not so great mentally. Guess it's kinda like when I was a teenager and tried to keep a diary, I'd start one, do real good for a few days then not write another entry for weeks, maybe months. Oh well, I'll try to catch up the best I can, it won't be easy, "chemo brain" is starting to set in, lol! Let's see, the hair loss situation is getting a little better but not much, I still hate seeing my reflection but can't hardly stand anything on, so darn hot! So I go "topless" at home most of the time, Doug and the kids seem to have gotten use to it. Autumn is doing much better, still asks often if it will grow back, but I think she's coping a lot better. Ethan is so quiet and reserved it would be easy for me to assume that he was ok as well, but I'm trying hard not to think that just in case he really isn't. And baby Grayson, although 3 isn't really a baby anymore, is just fine. I think being away from home is taking a toll on all of them, so I'm trying to keep them home as much as possible, and there are probably some people reading and wondering why they are not home. I'll give my take on it, if I didn't have family or friends to help out with them and willing to keep them, I would have to do it, feel good or not, obviously, but I am blessed to have family close by and very willing to take them while I'm not feeling good after treatment, so why wouldn't I? Ok, don't know what that was all about, for some reason I felt like I needed to explain what was going on, I almost feel guilty that they are not here all the time and it's hard to accept the fact that I'm "sick".
Friday 7/6/07...
Well, kinda got sidetracked last while I was writing and ended up not finishing, so whatever I was gonna write about I have forgotten by now, oh well! I do want to tell you about the "Look Good, Feel Better" class I went to this past Monday. It's sponsored my the American Cancer Society and is absolutely amazing! I would recommend it to anyone going through chemo! They provide you with a complete set of makeup, and I'm not talking cheap stuff either, Clinique, Merle Norman, Chanel, Este Lauder, to name a few of the makers! I was blown away with that alone! They show you step by step how to use it, how to fill in or create eyebrows if you have lost them. Then they moved on to let everyone try on and pick out a wig and different styles of hats and turbans, showed how to style and care for those. It was just amazing! I think there was 6 cancer patients there and everyone brought a friend or relative with them, so it wasn't crowed at all. And then there was a couple cosmetologists there to help out. And it was all free! Can't beat that with a stick! So, for someone saying there would be no wigs, I'm wig poor! Arlene bought me two that I told you about in a previous post and then I got another one from LGFG, plus a ponytail that I can wear under a cap! I just wish they wasn't so dern hot! I recently signed up for a chemo angel and have two, they are both great! If you have never heard of them, it's a volunteer organization where people are assigned to be your "chemo angel" and while you are undergoing treatments they send you lots of cards and letters. It's been a real pick-me-up! Let's see, I'm sure I have some "thank you's" that need to be addressed. Charlene, thanks so much for the earrings, I LOVE them! Perfect! Amy, thanks for the cool hat, love it too! And the bandanna! Oh crap, I know there is more, but I just can't think of ANYTHING right now! Blame it on chemo brain! I had another round yesterday, by the way. And I have been feeling a little worse this go round, as a matter of fact, feeling quite queasy as I type. So with that being said, I think I will sign out and head for bed. I'm gonna try not to make it so long til my next post, we'll see how I do, lol!

pure hell!

I'm sorry for such a blunt title, but that is what it has been the past couple of days! But it's not what you may think, I'm not sick from chemo, well a little, but that's not what this is all about. It's my hair. It started thinning a little on Tuesday, but you couldn't tell since I had pretty thick hair anyway, so I was ok. Had treatment on Wed, and it was still coming out a little, but not at it's worst. Then onThurs, Kim came in while I was in the shower and I was in tears, pretty bad. She knew what it was, my hair was coming out by the handfuls. And no matter how much I prepared myself, it just wasn't enough to make it easy. Friday morning came and Kim was asking if I was up to shopping, wig shopping! Her and Arlene was taking me shopping for a wig, even if I had said I didn't want one, they wanted to make sure I had one just in case. We went to two wig shops and I tried on I don't know how many styles, cuts, colors, etc. It ended up being a lot of fun, but also very tiring for me. I did come home home with not only one, but two wigs. One that looks a lot like what my hair looked like before I had it cut short for surgery, and then one that looks just like the cut I had, just in a really fun color, red! I'll try for pics later, but it will be a few days, I'm sure! I didn't go and shave it all off like I had planned. Instead, I sat outside Friday evening and just pulled it out, all that would come, and it just about ALL came out. And I would have went ahead with a razor, but my scalp was way too sore! Not from pulling it out, cause that was a breeze, but from trying on all the wigs. That's when reality sunk in a little more. It was important to me that my daughter see what was going on, she's has been having a hard time excepting the fact that mommy's hair was gonna come out so I wanted her to see how it was happening. Like I thought, she was upset, but Doug and I did everything we could to comfort her and tell her that it would grow back. That was hard. It was hard to walk by a mirror, and I could do it without crying. Call it vanity if you want, but I have had a hard time with it no matter what you call it. It's very depressing. Then today, my head wasn't quite as sore, so I let Doug take the clippers to it. Got me a nice buzz cut going on now, still hasn't made it any easier. I cried. I cried a lot. I'm still crying some. I try very hard to avoid seeing my reflection. I'm sure it will get easier, but right now it's not easy. It's hard. It makes me mad, it makes me sad, it makes me angry.

round two was a go!

Thanks for the prayers and positive thoughts everybody! My white blood count went back up to 9 something, and the minimum is 4, so I was in good shape as far as that goes. But... she was really concerned about my iron level being so low and that it will contribute to making me feel tired and depressed, along with the chemo and just being dx with cancer too. She told me that I would have to take at least 4 iron supplement tabs by mouth a day to get as much as I needed and that she really didn't recommend me do that because it would cause really bad constipation and a few other side effects that I don't remember. So she offered to give it to me through my iv while I was there, said it was a good way to "get my tank filled up", lol and it would help a great deal with my energy levels...but...it would add an extra 2 1/2 to 3hrs to time sitting in the chemo room, ugh! Oh well, no big deal, I didn't have anything else planned and I had brought plenty stuff to keep me occupied! Had some music to listen to, a word find book, and my fave right now, a sudoku number puzzle book. Somehow, tho, Doug ended up with that one, hmph! I finally convinced him to go home for a while but he didn't want me to stay by myself, altho I would have been just fine and content by myself, so I called Kim and asked if she want to come sit a while, to ease his mind, and she did. And I be dag gum if Kim didn't take over the numbers book when Doug left! LOL!!! Might have been cause I was gonna take me a nap! They give me some benedryl through iv and that was enough for a nice little visit to sleepy town! But it was embarrassing to wake up and see people laughing at ya! Thankfully by that time, most everybody was gone, Kim had moved over to the seat next to me and the seat on the other side was empty so the rest of the people were back towards the other end of the room. I have been known to "jump" in my sleep, some people may call it jerk, but it involves my whole body, not just a foot or hand or other single limb, and, that's what I did, and it must have been pretty bad cause Kim was snickering and I looked over the other way and there was another lady grinning from ear to ear so she must have seen me to. Needless to say that was the end of that nap! And I woke up sweating like crazy! Sweat was running off my forehead, neck, chest, back, and sitting in a leather/vinyl recliner didn't help matters none! And all the other patients in there had blankets on, lol, and here I was wiping sweat! One of the meds they give me cause hot flash type symptoms so that must have been the deal. I also talked to the dr about the really bad headaches from last time so she changed some meds around and so far it seems to be doing the trick! She thinks it could be from one of the anti-nausea iv drips called loxy (not sure if that is spelled right) and it stays in your system for up to 5 days, and that's about how long I had that constant headache. So she took that off my menu and added a zofran drip and then I also have to take it morning and night for two days. Altho it's just the next day, no headache so I'm happy! The dr was so happy that I done well the first time and was really surprised that I hadn't had any aching bones and mouth sores and of course that the nausea was kept controlled. I also asked for something to help me sleep better at night, I just haven't had a good nights sleep since my surgery, it's constantly tossing and turning! That wasn't a problem and said it was common. I have to go back today for my Neulasta shot, then next week for blood work, and then the week after that will be chemo time again. It just so happens that the next treatment would fall on the 4th of July, so I will be the day after and that will be the day before my birthday! Reading that over, looks clear as mud! I'll have my next round on 7/5 and my birthday is 7/6, so I will be celebrating the big 30 with a big shot in the arm since I have to have my shot the day after treatment! WooHoo, what a way to celebrate, and I should be completely bald to boot! Well, been on here long enough, have a dr appt to get ready for!

Here we go...

The dreaded is happening as we speak! I noticed this morning, right before my shower, that I can get quite a bit of hair when I run my fingers through it. I'm not bald already, by no means, and you can't even tell it's coming out just by looking at me. But I know that it is, and I even shed a couple tears when I realized it had started. Tomorrow will be my 2nd treatment, that is if my blood count is high enough. Now, I'm a firm believer that prayer makes a difference, so I'm asking that you say a little prayer for me that my counts will be ok and we won't have to delay this round. I know this time to take my mp3 and I'll also be taking me a sudoku puzzle book! Kim can take the credit for getting me addicted to that! I might even put me a pair of socks in my bag, last time my toes got cold in there, lol!
Today was a good day, kinda. As long as I could keep my mind off of my hair thinning, I was ok. But, me and the kids took a trip to see the only grandma I have left. Even got my dad to go with us too! It was a very nice little visit, and I have to admit that I don't go see her near as often as I should! I wanted to go see her before I lost all of my hair tho, that way she might not worry about me as much as she would if she seen me bald. The kids had a really good time digging for bugs and racing around the house! Ok, well, that's all for now. Til next time...

busy day

I have had a busy day today! Had some appointments to go to, but Doug wanted to go to a nearby hardware store that was going out of business first. Everything was pretty much all gone, but he managed to get a few things at 75% off, not too shabby! Then we were off to the oncologist for labs, and seems that my white blood count is lower than what they want it to be, but evidently not so low that they were concerned cause they didn't do anything about it. They did say, however, that if it wasn't back up by next week that I wouldn't be able to do my treatment. It will be up, I have complete and total faith in God! We then drove over into the next parking lot for my follow up appt with my surgeon. He said that everything looked great and I don't have to go back there for 6wks. I joked around with them that I would have to just get me a job there just so I can still see them all, I just love all of the staff there! From there we went to pick up my new bras and silicone boobs, lol, don't you just love it, lol! Then headed up the road a little ways and picked up my new specs. What do ya think...



I'm thinking I love these babies! I'm not a big fan of pics of myself, but I figured a needed a couple decent ones before time for all that hair to start falling out. Which, by the way, should be within the next week. You just don't even realize how bad I'm dreading that part. I have decided not to get a wig, I've heard that they are hot and itchy, and I'm just not sure I want to waste my time on it. I can always change my mind later. But for now I just have a cute breast cancer awareness baseball cap and I'll probably get me a scarf or two. I am on the prowl for some big flashy earrings!!! I figure I would just be bald, keep up the make up and these cute specs, and some big earrings would just do the trick, what do ya think? Wow, it's so easy to sound like I'm ready to be bald, but, honestly, I'm terrified! I'll wait til it starts coming out then let Doug and/or the kids shave it off, I think that will make it a little easier. OK, that's it for now.

what a headache!

That's pretty much what I've had since the first treatment, a constant headache. This post won't be long, but just wanted to check in and let you all know that I am doing ok. Yesterday was the first day I started feeling "good", and that was a blessing since it was my baby's 3rd birthday! I felt kinda yucky when I got up, and had a terrible headache, but pushed myself for a shower and to go to church to see him put in his 3 pennies when they ask if there has been any birthdays. He's growing up so fast! We took him to pick out a present after church, then came home for lunch and nice nap. I cherish my naps with my kids! He had lots of company that evening, Kim and Billy came down, and Nana and Poppy came by too! Oh yeah, my headache seemed to have eased off A LOT after I had gotten up from napping, so I was feeling pretty good. I'm happy to report that, so far, I have not actually been sick! I have had lots of nausea, and a few close calls, but I have managed to keep it all down. The headaches have been terrible tho, and I plan on talking to my oncologist about this at my next appt. Today has been pretty good, except when I ate lunch I thought it might make me a little queasy, but it passed. So maybe it's safe to say that I have done well with the first treatment. Of course, I expect it will gradually get worse with each one, but at least the first one wasn't as bad as anticipated, so that's a good thing. I had a good surprise visit on Saturday, Kerri came by. I have known Kerri since 3rd grade and it's always great to see her. And another great surprise, there was flowers delivered to me today from Mitzi! Mitzi and I have been friends since high school and were roommates the first couple of years at ETSU. She's in Chicago now, so that was a wonderful surprise to let me know she's thinking of me! Thanks so much, Mitzi!! That reminds me, not sure if I mentioned it before or not, so forgive me if I have, the design team girls that I work with over at www.3scrappyboys.com all got together and sent me a beautiful bouquet of tulips a couple of weeks ago. Those were gorgeous, and I'm sorry that I hadn't posted it before. It's not hard for me to forget things these days, so let me just go ahead and say that if you have sent me a card, email, call, or anything else and have not gotten a personal thank you from me, please do not take it to heart. I have loved and appreciated every token, thought, message, everything that has been pouring in, and I thank God above that he has blessed me with such amazing friends and family.

continued post from yesterday...

Ok, let's see how much I can get in tonight before I crash. So, we leave the office, am told to be back around 24hrs for my shot that will help with my blood count. I'm feeling pretty normal and ready for something to eat, after all, it is almost 5pm and I hadn't eaten since around 9am. And we really needed to head to Johnson City for more tile at Lowes, so we ended up going to Logan's for dinner. I did not skimp on it either!!! I had a full rack of ribs, loaded baked potato and a salad! I figured if I was gonna be sick that there would be something on my stomach to come up, sorry if that's TMI, but just how I felt! As we were leaving, something caught Kim's eye on the front page of the newspaper so she bought one and while she was reading that, with the paper still folded, the wind blew it back to a different section and then something caught MY eye. I tell ya, the Lord works in mysterious ways cause the headline that I seen was something along the lines of "Komen to tour ETSU", and it was a small article about the Komen foundation would be on the ETSU campus to spread awareness to young women about the importance of breast health. But, it was only for one day, which was thursday (today) from 9am to 3pm, so there was a good chance that I wouldn't feel up to it, but I told Kim that if I felt ok when I got up that I would really like to go and asked her to go with me. Anyways, left there, and Doug had to make another stop in JC, I was starting to feel a little "different" but still ok, but still decided to wait in the truck on him. Made one last stop at WalMart on the way home so I could pick up a prescription. Oh yeah, getting ready to write the next part made me remember that I forgot something, it should have been at the beginning of this post. When we came out to the parking lot of the dr's office, Kim told me that she had added to my pretty little gift bag, and boy did she ever! She had made a mental note of everything the Dr had said, on her little shopping trip while I was in treatment, she had picked up the following, antibacterial wipes, hand sanitizer, baking soda (for a mouth rinse), claritin and aleve, a pack of gum, and a couple packs of scrapbook rub ons that I had requested. I tell ya what, I think I have the best big sister in the world! So, back to what I was talking about, I brought out the wipes at WM to wipe down the buggy handle. I know that there are people who do this anyway, but I have never been a germ freak, so this will be a big learning curve. We finally make it home, and I'm still feeling ok, had a few queasy spells, but they went away and nothing bad enough that I actually thought I would be sick. The worst part so far was the headache. Before bed, we made sure that I had an empty trash can beside my bed, just in case, but thankfully I didn't need it. Slept really good, woke up feeling fine, but with a full bladder. I jumped up and went to the bathroom pretty quick and back in bed, then had a queasy spell, guess I shouldn't have made that bathroom trip so fast! I decided that I was feeling pretty good and called to make plans to attend the Komen thing with Kim. And I think I will stop here, not feeling the best in the world, and think it may be time for bed. I'll pick up where I'm leaving hopefully tomorrow. Til then...

One month til my big 30

...and this is what I do, lol! Today was my first round of chemo!! YAY for me, one down and 3 "mean" ones and 12 weekly ones to go! I can't tell you how bad I wanted to put this off until tomorrow, but I have no idea how I would feel and since I feel pretty "normal" right now, figured I better force myself, lol! I'll give you a re-cap of my day, from beginning til now. Got up, showered, got ready, put on my make-up in the truck (and I know Kim is probably rolling her eyes at this comment, lol) like I usually do when Doug is driving us somewhere, get mascara on my light pink shirt, go figure, make a pit stop at the bank, get a chicken biscuit, go to Lowe's to get some more tile for our tub, didn't have enough, so headed on to the Dr's office. Let me insert a "non-cancer" bit here, we are remodeling our bathroom, I'm sure I have mentioned that it has been completely gutted recently, and anyway, it's coming right along. The sheet rock is up, well 95% anyway, and the tub and toilet are in, plumbing ready, floor tile down and grouted, and we are currently working on the tile in the tub, and it's almost done. We would have finished this evening, but ran out of tile glue. I have to say that I am so excited about the bathroom, it is coming together so nice!! Ok, back to the regularly scheduled program...oh yea, got to the Dr's office, waited quite a while, as usual, Kim came in with a gift bag, all bright and cheery with tissue paper and curly ribbon hanging from it, and you will never guess the contents of such a pretty package... a can of Lysol spray, ROFLMBO!!! I would have never thought of that, but leave it to aunt Kimbo! Love it! Anyway, went back for the blood work, back to the waiting room, waited a little longer, then back to an exam room for blood pressure, temp, pulse-ox, heart rate, and something new for me this time, numbing cream over my port for the iv needle, lol! So I was given the option, and while I'm not a person afraid of needles, or even minds being stuck, I figure that if they offer it, take it! After all, I have been pricked quite a few times, to say the least, the past few months, right?! And in comes the dr, but it's not Pierce, who I usually see, it's a female, young, and very sweet and pretty. We (me, Kim, & Doug) all really liked her. Just like Dr Pierce, she was very informative and explained all the details of what to expect. After all of that was done, I was ready to get started, but the chemo room was jam packed full, no seats. We had to hang out in the employee lounge til a seat was available, lol, which was 30 minutes or longer. Walked in the room and it was filled with nothing but older people, I'd say the youngest after me was probably in their late 60's, if that, and if you are in that age bracket and reading this, please do not be offended. It was just more of a slap in the face that I am "too young" to have this disease. There were a total of 8 seats in the room, ranging from several black leather recliners, a few of them rocked, to a few of the reclining chairs that are in a lot of hospital rooms. I was in a rocker, and was glad of it, good way to ease some nervous tension. Doug sat in a regular chair close by and Kim decided to leave and do a little shopping since it was so crowded, and that was ok by me, I just made her promise to buy me something, lol! There was one tv in the room, but the volume was so low that only the person sitting right under it could have heard it, but there was too much chatter going on to worry about a tv anyway! Not to mention all the beeping from the iv monitors. I was given something orally and through iv for nausea, then the chemo meds, followed by a saline rinse. Not bad, not bad at all. I didn't feel any different during treatment except for a really bad headache, and that could have easily been stress. But when we were leaving, I stopped off at the bathroom, and one of the ladies that had just left the chemo room before me had come out, I was so disturbed by what I saw!!! I have to ask the Lord to forgive me and help me not pass judgement, cause after all, I don't know the ladies situation, but she hadn't flushed the toilet, and as I got closer, it was very obvious that she was one that doesn't sit on the seat to pee! It was covered!!!!! Here this is a dr's office, and germs are even more important than any other dr's office, and this is what happens! She had a younger woman with her, so it could/should have been cleaned up if the older lady wasn't able to do it herself. I guess it just freaked me out a little since I had just had a germ lecture, lol. Ok, sorry everybody, this re-cap has not come to an end, but I'm afraid I'm gonna have to take a break til later. Tired! Very tired, and a little queasy. Hopefully I will get up feeling ok and post the rest, or maybe tomorrow evening. I just can't promise you anything. To be continued...

so, tomorrow is the day.

I have a 10am appointment with my oncologist tomorrow. I also will have labs done, and if everything is ok, I will have my first round of chemotherapy. So, how do I feel about it? That's the million dollar question of the century! I have so many mixed feelings, it's hard to pinpoint just one or two. On one hand, I'm excited to get it started because that means that I'm well on my way of getting them over with. But then again, what will it be like? No one can predict this since every patient experiences different side effects. That is the biggest thing right now, for me anyway, is the "unknown". I'm nervous, to say the least, but I know all I need to do is turn it over to God and he will be right by my side every step of the way. On a lighter note, I went to the local Family Dollar yesterday and found a section that they had of breast cancer merchandise. A percentage of the proceeds will go towards cancer research and it was some really cute stuff! There were baseball caps in black, white, and pink, and two different designs, there was two different styles of sunglasses with a pink ribbon printed on the side, umbrellas, night gowns, and totes, and they were just $5 a pop!! I got me a pink cap and tote, but I wanted it all, lol! Go find a store close to ya and see what you can find, after all, it supports a good cause! I have been blessed to enjoy a couple of great visits from friends recently. A couple of weeks ago, one of my best friends from the first couple of years in high school came to see me. Tonya and I sat outside and caught up on what's been going on with each other and just really enjoyed one another's company. She has the cutest little boy that is from Jan. to June older than Grayson. She also brought a bowl of some really yummy fruit salad too!! Thanks so much Tonya! Then this past wknd we went camping. Another high school buddy invited us to go with them on their first camping trip and I'm so glad we went, it was great fun. Samantha has a daughter that is the same age as the twins, and seeing my little girl and hers play together was amazing, to say the least! Not in the sense that they were doing anything "big", but just that neither one of us would have ever imagined sitting back and watching our kids play one day. She also has a 20mo old and a 10mo old, absolute darlings, all 3 of them! It was a great wknd to keep me occupied. That's it for now, keep me in your thoughts and prayers as tomorrow rolls around!

Checking in...

Ok, so you guys really do keep up with me! I've received several emails checking on me since I haven't posted in so long, sorry bout that! I don't know, just haven't felt like writing anything, that simple. I've been a little down in the dumps, but hard to explain. Not really feeling depressed, but just a little blue. Doug has went back to work, at least until I start chemo, and the kids are still staying at my in laws for the most part, so I've been home alone and that could be a part of it, but I can't really pinpoint it. I get the dental work wrapped up Fri, so we're hoping to start chemo next week. I have an appointment with Dr Peirce, my oncologist, next Wednesday and they will do labs then to make sure everything is ok to start, then I may possibly start on Friday. And believe me, I'm ready!! I want to get this show on the road, so to speak. These "quiet" and in between times are killing me! Sure, I'm a little scared, it is CHEMOTHERAPY for goodness sakes, but I know that is just part of what I have to do to overcome this battle, and I'm ready to face it head on! Oh yea, I got my prosthetics! Well, one set of them anyway, waiting on the "real" set to come in, they are silicone, the ones I have right now are called a "leisure" set, they are a foam material. The lady at the Unique Boutique, was absolutely amazing! She made me feel very comfortable and tried her best to fit me just right, and I have to say, she done a good job! The leisure set is the ones I can use to swim with, just pin them in my swimsuit, and that's great cause we will be camping this wknd and the pool will be open! She told me that I could bring my swimsuits to them and they would sew pockets in for me, but I figured this will probably be the only time I'll need it, so not worth fooling with. I also wanted a more dramatic change, and wanted to go blond! Why not? I'll be losing my hair in a few weeks anyway, so if it looks terrible then it won't matter! But, it didn't work that well, I am a red head instead! And I'm not saying that in a bad way, I really like it, it's just not as big of a change as I was wanting. I think I may go and put in blond highlights, lol! But for those of you that have emailed me, concerned that I hadn't posted, thanks! It makes me feel really good that you are thinking of me. Physically, I am feeling great, I almost have my left arm back 100%! I'm gonna try really hard not to let it be so long til my next post!

No radiation!

Had an appointment with my oncologist today and it went well. I won't have to do any radiation, YAY!! He was really pleased with everything, the MUGA scan results were great, he was really pleased and surprised that I only had 2 nodes bad, and he's ready to get the chemo started as soon as I am. I do have some dental work to get done before I start, so as soon as I get that taken care of, we'll be ready. He went ahead and gave me prescriptions for anti-nausea meds. Oh, and I also called Dr. Holt's office this morning, asking about my right side, I was concerned that it had some fluid in it, so they told me to come by there before I went to Dr. Pierce (oncologist). And, sure enough, I did, he ended up draining over 50cc's of fluid off of that side, but other than that, everything looked ok. I don't go back to him til next Friday and don't go back to Dr. Pierce until I get my dental work finished, so my next appointment is next wed at the dentist, but we're trying to get that moved up, no luck as of yet. I was also told that I would probably rather wear my glasses during chemo instead of my contacts, for comfort, so I set myself up an appointment to get an eye exam next Friday too. I wouldn't gonna do it, I figured I had enough appts anyway, but since we have good vision insurance, I figured I might as well, besides, I wouldn't mind a new set of specs! Man alive, I feel so tired, having to go here and there! I have had a different appointment everyday this week! I feel like I have been to more dr apts this past two months than I have my entire life. There is nothing on the agenda for tomorrow, but the kids' are suppose to be having a "fun day", so if I feel like it, I would like to go to the school for a little while, then Fri will be their last one. So, that's it for now!