It's hard to believe that this journey started just over a year ago! It was the 18th when I found the lump, had an GYN appt the 21st, a mammogram the 22nd and a biopsy the 28th. Then, it was hard to think about where I would be in a year or what would be going on. But here it is, and things are getting back to normal, whatever that may be. Besides this cast on my broken foot, argh! Which, by the way had NOT started to heal as of last Wednesday's x-rays, and I have a new cast. Well, I really don't have much to say this morning. It has just been on my mind, a lot, lately that the one year mark is creeping up on me. April 4th, was the day I was officially diagnosed.

There's ya a hair update! It doesn't really look much longer than the last pic I shared with ya, but it is, it's just super curly! Was it curly before I lost it, you ask? Yes, it was when I was little, and as I grew up it was just lots of body, or I could get the look of curly with a little water, lol! I think I need to trim the bangs a little, looking at that pic I realize they are shaggy looking! Oh, and it's sooo thick, too! God blesses me in so many ways! I still dream of it being long tho, lol!
Now, update on the foot. Nothing new to report, really. But I will tell you that I HATE this cast! All I have been through in the past year, surgery, chemo, rads, this cast has been the worst! Ok, the only thing worse was my hair coming out. I think it's pretty safe to say that I didn't complain about a whole lot while dealing with the cancer, but I WILL complain about this! It's terrible! I can't sleep if my feet are hot, and this thing makes me feel like I have pants on, so I'm not sleeping good. The palms of my hands, and my left leg, are so sore from doing all the work. I can't go anywhere cause it is my right foot, so no driving. My washer and dryer are in the basement, so I have to rely on Doug for getting my clothes. (I know there will a few thinking "what's so bad about that", but believe me, I would rather dress myself!!) I am missing almost all of the twins soccer games, even missed Autumn scoring her first goal!! Can't carry myself anything to drink from one room to another. Really frustrating!! I have an appointment this Wednesday, and they are suppose to take it off and do x-rays. Now, he didn't say that they would put another cast on, and when I asked he just grinned. But I have decided, while doing a lot of reading on the "jone's fracture", that they probably WILL put another back on. We'll see, I suppose. I'm almost tempted to tell him just leave it off, if it doesn't heal right then oh well, I don't want another cast! But I know that would be irresponsible of me. Well, I guess that's all for now!

Several people have asked about the job, I didn't get it, but I will keep trying. Now, on to the foot. I have what they call a Jone's fracture, and it is now in a pretty pink cast up to my knee! I have to go back on the 19th, and they will cut off the cast, do more x-rays to see if it has started to heal, and more than likely, put on another cast. If the break is not healing properly, there is a good possibility of surgery, ugh! Evidently, there is poor blood circulation in that area of the foot, causing it to not heal right. I was curious about the comment the ER dr made about my bones being more brittle from chemo, so I emailed my oncologist. Not only did I get a response, but I also got a phone call with an appointment for a bone density test. Hmm, maybe I should have just kept my mouth shut, lol!

You will never guess what happened to me!!!

I broke my freakin foot!! Can you believe this crap? Well, believe it, it's true! The twins had a soccer game Friday night, and I twisted my foot coming down off the bleachers! I didn't go to the er that night but decided to Saturday since I wasn't able to put any weight on it. Long story short, they did xrays, it is broken, and I will have to see an orthopedic surgeon. I should hear something in the morning about who and when that will be. And, that, my friends, is all I am writing tonight. I will fill you in on the details later!

New Update, FINALLY!

I guess that's what some of you are saying? Well, think of it this way, no news is good news! And I do have good news. Had my surgical check up recently, and things looked fine. Dr. Holt says he will see me in 3 months and that would be the "1 year" mark! WHAT?!?!?! Yep, it has almost been a year since my mastectomy! It's hard for me to believe, so much has happened within the last year! But anyway, I'm alive and healthy, so what do I have to complain about? Nothing! It was great seeing him, and the office staff, as always! They have to rank #1 on my list of medical offices, and believe me, I have visited more than my share this past year!
More good news, I had my 3 month check up at the oncologist office. About a month ago, I got a letter in the mail informing me that my oncologist was leaving that particular office. Did NOT make me happy, but at least the nurse practitioner was still there, so that made it ok. And I seen her, love her to pieces! It was great seeing all of them, especially my chemo nurses! They were all commenting on my hair and telling how great I looked, what girl doesn't like that, lol!! But anyway, back to the subject, my report was a good one. She told me that my blood work looked amazing, like someone that had never had cancer, so that was good. My physical exam was good, as well. We chatted a little, which was really nice, and she told me that I would have blood work and check ups with her every 3 months for the next FIVE years! WOW! I didn't realize it would be that long, but still am thankful for it. That way if anything were to come up, hopefully it would show up on my blood work and something could be done before it got bad.
Some more, possibly, good news, I had an interview this past week! I thought it was for the receptionist position in the office where I got my radiation, but it may turn out to be either in the ER or outpatient admitting. But that would be ok too! I told my radiation oncologist, on a couple occasions, that I wanted that position, because they hadn't had anyone in their front office the whole time I had been going there, and had been like that for a while. I assumed he never took me seriously, but he must have because at the beginning of the week I got a call from the lady in charge of radiology at the hospital saying that they were hiring for that position and Dr. Blom (my dr) had given them my name and said that I was interested. WOW! That was a surprise within itself! But anyway, long story short, I had my interview yesterday, Friday. I'm not sure I did great, but I gave it my all. After all, this WAS my first job interview in 4 yrs! The lady told me that they were approved to hire for a position, but they had not decided where it would be yet. And that if anyone already employed with them wanted the office recept. position, they would have first dibs on it, and I understand that. If I were to get the job and it was in the ER, it would be 12hr shifts, so many on and so many off, and working every other wknd. If it was for outpatient, it would be m-f, days, and only working a wknd about every 6wks. She has more interviews scheduled next week and hope to have made a decision by next Friday. So I just have to wait and see.
OK, so this is neither good or bad news, just something I thought I would share. I have been having this dream, over and over, at least once a week. It really depresses me, but I try not to let it get me down too bad. In the dream, my hair is longer and I can actually pull it back in a ponytail. I know, I know, it will get there soon. And I also know that I should just be thankful that it's growing back as well and as fast as it is, and I am, really! But I have always had long hair, almost all my life, and I just want to be able to feel my hair moving when I move my head! But this last time I had this dream, it was so REAL! I was even thinking about how happy everyone would be when I posted on my blog that I had reached a milestone and was able to pull my hair back, lol! And I kept telling myself that it was real and that it wasn't a dream anymore, then I woke up. BLAH! Oh well, one day!
I bet you would like to know about the burns? That part is doing great too! There is still a small area that is a little raw and achy, but nothing I can't handle now! It itches HORRIBLY!!! But at least that is a sign of healing! I don't have any pics, but will see if I can get some later. Thanks for all the prayers, well wishes and comments, they are all appreciated from the bottom of my heart!

I'm ready for some relief!!!

When will it come? At this point I feel like I am constantly praying for strength to deal with these burns. They are a far cry from the bad sunburn I was told it would be like. Good news is that Friday, Feb. 1st was my last treatment!! YAY!! But as of today, the 5th, the bad places aren't looking any better! The past several days has been horrible, especially the pain! It literally brings tears to my eyes to put on, or take off, a shirt! I am so ready for these places to heal up! I have taken a few more pics, just so you can see what it looks like. In the bottom pic, you can see the new blisters that have come up the past couple of days, up toward the top on the right side. And also in that pic, there are a few black spots, that is not dirty spots, that is dried blood. I have an appointment tomorrow for the radiologist to look at the blisters. I'm guessing they are normal, but want to be on the safe side.

A little worse.

I guess it has to get worse before it gets better? Well it certainly has! It's extremely painful! The pic on the bottom shows what happened to me Friday evening! I put a bandage on it so my bra wouldn't rub it so bad, cause I was going to the funeral home, well that's what happened when I took the bandage off, it took a few layers of skin with it! OUCH!!! Anyway, today at treatment, they gave me a prescription for a little pain relief. I will be so glad when this heals up!!!!

It's happening. Radiation is taking it's toll on me! I've noticed a remarkable difference in my energy level, I'm just really tired. That's just showed up within the last few days. And the visual effects are here as well! Well, here, I'll just show ya...


The top one is right in the crease of my neck and has been very painful, but it's actually feeling some better today. The other pic is under my arm, imagine where your breast is, then just straight on around, that's where it is. It is hurting pretty bad too, and I still don't have much feeling from the mastectomy in that area! I can only imagine how bad it would hurt if I DID have full feeling there! They had me get some stuff from the pharmacy, called Domeboro Soak. It's over the counter stuff, but you still have to ask for it. It's aluminum acetate powder in little packets, then I have to dissolve it in a quart of water, soak a rag in it, and lay it on those bad spots for 20mins, 4-5 times a day. It seems to really be helping my neck, and I'm sure it's helping under the arm too, I just can't tell it yet. And the blue marks in the second pic, that is markings with a paint pen for them to do my "boost" rads next week. That means that they will only give me radiation right in the area that is marked, where the cancer was, and not all over the chest and underarm area. If nothing comes up, next Friday will be my last treatment!! I think a celebration is in order, lol!
On another note, sad news! I got a call a couple of nights ago from a friend's husband. Samantha and I were best friends in high school, kinda lost touch during college, but have become close again in the past year. I love her like a sister! Well, a week or so before Thanksgiving, I think it was, I talked to her and she told me her dad found out he had cancer and that it had metastasized in other places. So the call I got from her husband was to let me know that he had passed away. I feel so horrible for her, my heart is aching! We will be going to the funeral home tonight, so I pray I can keep it together for her! I also pray that God is comforting her and her family during this time of grieving.
More prayers are going out to my sweet cousin, Delana. She's a couple of years younger than me and just went through a back surgery yesterday. If I'm not mistaken, this is her 2nd one, and might possible be the 3rd, I'm not real sure. I'm looking forward to her getting back home with her family and getting better!
Ok, well I have to go "soak" again! Til next time....

WE HAVE SNOW!!

Finally we have enough snow to make everything white! Still not as much as I would like to have, but we some, none the less! The kids are out of school and are really excited to see the white stuff, so I'll have to let them get out in it here in a little bit! I read a photography tip about taking pics in the snow, so I'm eager to try it out, I'll share the pics when I get some! While I'm here, treatments are still going ok. I'm really red from them, under my arm and on the left side of my chest and neck. It's getting tender where my arm rubs it. Yesterday was #21, so I have 12 more to go, not bad!

Hair update...

Well it was back in the summer when I came off the chemo that made my hair fall out and it started growing while on the Taxol. Here is what it looks like now. It's at the stage that it curls out over my ears and drives me nuts! But that's ok, at least I know it is growing! Man alive, it is THICK too! The radiation tech asked me today if it was coming back different than what it was before, but it really is not. I had thick hair before with a lot of body, and it's coming back in thick and curly. The color is pretty much the same, just with a lot more gray in it. I still long for my hair, pun intended, lol! Anyway, here ya go...

Long overdue update

I'm sorry if you have been checking in on me, only to find that I STILL hadn't updated. I don't know what it is with me, I guess I just don't feel like anything important has happened that anyone would be interested in. Radiation is going fine. Today was lucky treatment #13, only 20 more to go, lol! I still can't tell any difference in anything other than a little redness on my chest and under my left arm. They gave me some ointment that consists of petroleum, mineral oil, paraffin, and lanolin alcohol. Reminds me of vasoline, only in a more solid form. Every time I have a treatment, they make dots on me with a blue sharpie marker, and the first time they didn't tell me that it would ruin my clothes and I got it all over my bra! So then I asked for some alcohol moisture wipe thingies and she gave me two, and that didn't do anything but make a mess and wasn't near enough to get all 10 marks off. What the ???? I can't be ruining everything I wear, and I sure ain't gonna wear worn out clothes that don't matter to the Dr's office, ya know? Well, I came up with a solution that works well for me! Got me a ziploc baggie, added some cotton balls, and poured in some alcohol, and there ya go! All the alcohol swabs I need! I just gotta be sure to keep them in my purse or they don't do any good, lol! I just wonder if they have figured out at the office where all those little blue cotton balls are coming from!!!
I hope everyone had a great Christmas, we sure did! We spent one night in the Smokies with my inlaws and came home Christmas Eve evening. And on Christmas morning we went down to spend with Dad and Arlene, and a delicious big breakfast! New Years was ok too, didn't do anything too special. Kim and Billy came down, we were suppose to play cards or something, but ended up just watching re-runs of CSI. The kids have really enjoyed their time off, but I'm so ready for them to go back! They were suppose to go back yesterday, but we had a little dusting of snow and they called schools off til Monday, UGH!! I guess that is a lot of the reason why I haven't updated here in a while, I've been too busy with them!
Let me vent on my resume, or lack thereof, rather. I have never had one before, and hadn't worked since being pregnant with my now 3yr old, so memory of previous jobs is wearing thin. So last spring, before this cancer thing reared it's ugly head, I decided I would like to go back to work. All the adds I read was asking for a resume to be sent in rather than filling out an application, what I was use to way back when! Ok, so I need a resume, shouldn't be too bad, WRONG!!! I always knew not getting a college degree was a bad thing, and this was the time it was gonna prove it! Ugh it was so frustrating trying to put that thing together, one, I didn't have much education past high school, just a couple years of college that wasn't going to help much, and another thing was trying to remember dates of jobs that I have had, double UGH!!! Anyway, to make a long story short, my resume, to say the least, embarrasses me! But I'm using it anyway since I'm now looking for a job. Making ends meet was doable before my endless appointments, but now it's getting harder and harder. Not to mention that we had started an addition on our house that has not had any progress in a very long time! There are five of us, and our house has two bedrooms and one bathroom, can you say CRAMPED! Don't read this wrong and think I'm looking for sympathy, I'm not. Just explaining how much a job would be nice. I can see how this subject can open up a whole can of worms, and everyone is entitled to their own opinions. I'm just gonna leave it at that :) Until next time, whenever that will be, hehe!

2 treatments under my belt!

Yep, I started on Thursday. You cannot imagine how many things are going through your head while you lay there! I know that it is actually DOING something, but I swear, I feel like it's time wasted! I go in, take off my top and put on a hospital gown, lay down in my "cradle" that I mentioned in a previous post, with my arms above my head, and it's very uncomfortable, flat on my back! Anyway, wait for them to get me positioned just right so that the lasers line up where they are suppose to, remember I can't move at all while they are doing this, I was even asked not to chew my gum the first day!!!! Then they walk out of the room and I'm left alone with this very large piece of equipment hovering over me, then there is a loud buzzing sound for several seconds then they return to do it all over again for a total of 3 times, then it's over. I go back and get dressed and come back the next day and this will go on for 33 business days, lol. I say that because I don't go on weekends and I don't go on holidays. You'd think I'd be excited to be done, and I am, but I haven't even looked at a calendar to see when my last one would be. I also need to ask them what would happen in the case of bad weather or if me or one of the kids were sick. Speaking of the kids, the twins have their Christmas party at school this coming Wednesday and then they are out for break. Autumn, my 7yr old daughter, finally worked up the nerve to get her ears pierced! They look so cute! How's the weather there? We are finally getting some snow! Mostly flurries all day, but there is a chance of a couple of inches tonight! I've been itching for a good snow for a few weeks now, so I would love to see some of the white stuff! Well, I can't think of much else to write about, so it's off of here for me. Thanks for visiting me!

To cry, or not to cry?

Ok, before I decide to cry or not, I'll tell you about Monday. I had an appointment with Dr. Holt to get my port removed, and everything went fine. I had gotten myself a little too worked up before hand and was pretty nervous about it, but that was all for nothing! I had read somewhere that having a port removed was comparable to having the drains removed (after mastectomy), and I remember that to be quite painful, so I was scared, just to be honest! Guess what, that statement, at least for me, was sooooo wrong! The whole thing was a piece of cake, lol! They took my back to the procedure room, got me in a not-so-flattering paper top, at least it was pink and that was the only thing it had going for it!! Then it was time to get numbed up, which meant a needle, ugh! Lucky for me, needles have never been an issue, so I was ok! Doc said that would be the worst part, so I decided at that point that this really was no big deal. We, (me, the dr, and his wonderful nurse Donna :)) carried on a conversation pretty much the whole time. We talked about everything from slaughtering hogs to the kinds of music we listen to. I've said it before and will say it again, I love going to their office! They all make feel like a person instead of just another patient! Anyway, back to the port! So he gets in there and sees that it has settled more than usual, he says it may be since it was placed the same time I had my mast. and it just sunk down in the empty space a little more than it would have if it had been put in at another time. But he got it out and stitched me back up! (And what was that smelly stuff that you guys rubbed on it? Smells like cinnamon or something and it made me sick the rest of the day!!) So anyway, I asked to keep the port. I knew my kids would think it was cool and I thought some of you might be interested to see it, too! Here it is...

Pretty neat, huh? As always, it was great seeing the girls at the front desk, Kendra and Geah, love you gals! (Tory, I hate I missed you for the second time, but hope you had a good trip!) Donna, it was great to see you too, you're always so sweet to me!! And as for Dr. Holt, I always have fun giving you a hard time! I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas!!
And, now, for the crying! I had an appointment with a radiologist yesterday. Keep in mind this was just for a consult, and also recall that I was told in the beginning that no radiation would be required. From that you can probably guess what I'm gonna write next. Ok, so we meet this Dr, he's very nice, very informative. Gives me an exam, which I still can't understand getting an exam when I was just suppose to be talking with him, but I guess it's standard procedure. Anywho, when we do get around to the talking, he tells us about the studies he knows of consisting of women with similar statistics to me and that there was a great number of them that done better with chemo PLUS radiation as opposed to those with chemo alone. So guess what, I am now set up to do 33 rounds of radiation! I so did not want to do radiation! But I have to do all that I can to be able to stick around a while, right? So they were able to go ahead and do some of the stuff yesterday, to get me ready for the actual radiation. They made a "cradle" for me to lay in so I will be in the same position every time, it was pretty neat. There was this thing that looked like a trash bag, only blue, and they filled it with some kind of liquid foam stuff, then had me lay on it so it would form to my body then it hardened. I was marked where the beams would go, then tattooed! Yep, left that place with 5 tats! Ok, so they are tiny and look like blackheads, but they are tattoos, none the less, lol! They are gonna call me sometime next week and tell me when to come back to get started. I keep telling myself it's just another obstacle to get through and it will be over soon. It was not too bad, at least the Dr was nice and so was his staff, so that's a plus. I've learned, the hard way, that if you tell yourself one thing and are convinced that that thing will or will not happen, that most of the time the complete opposite will happen! I had already told myself (actually the dr told me) a long time ago that there would be no radiation, so after chemo I would be all done. Then BAM, I have to have it! I think that's what is making it seem so bad. Oh well, there ya go. Merry Christmas to me! I'll let ya know what it's like!

Just everyday stuff...

Thanksgiving went great. It just felt GOOD to be with all my extended family. I even got to see my step-brother, and it has been YEARS since I seen him! After that, we went camping. What was the one thing I forgot that we really needed??? GLOVES! I remembered real quick while Doug and I were setting up the camper, after dark, and it was cold! No big deal, we needed to make a WalMart run and I knew I could get the cheap ones that were less than $1, and I did. Yes, we got up and did the crazy shopping thing Friday! Got a few things, but not everything, I still have some more shopping to do. I'm sure it will be like always, I'll be shopping til the very last minute! Anyway, back to the camping, it was great, cold, but great! We did a fire one evening, but didn't stay out too long. We were gonna take the kids to Dollywood to see the lights one evening, but when they figured out that they wouldn't get to ride anything, they wanted to just stay at the camper and play games. That ended up being tons of fun! We played Old Maid and Go Fish for a very long time, even had hot chocolate with marshmallows, lol! A movie topped off the evening, all of us cuddled up in our jammies and warm blankets! I would have stayed all week if we could! This week has been pretty laid back, nothing going on. Next week will be another story. Monday I will go and have my port taken out then a consult with a radiologist on Wed.. I hope to be creating a new blog soon, just for my scrapbook pages. I'll be sure and add a link here when I do!!***UPDATE*** I have it up, but don't have the link here yet. But all you have to do is click on "my profile" to the right, and there should be a link there called "Total Scrap".

Had a Dr appt today...

and everything was just fine! I had a little bit of a fever, and she was concerned about that but couldn't find a source for it, so let it go. She was pleased with everything, blood work was great. I have been having some pretty bad headaches lately, and so I was sure to mention that. Not that I am worried that it is "anything", but just to be on the safe side. I'm thinking it could be many things, like the weather changing, or adjusting to no chemo, or sinus. Doc said it was possibly a combination of all three. Your body has to totally readjust after chemo, just like it does when you start. Since the chemo depleted all my hormones and played around with all the rest of my body, my body has to go through the process of getting it all back to normal again, and evidently headaches are very normal during this. The bloating caused by steroids can linger around for up to 6months!! UGH! But what's 6 more months, right? Small price to pay, the way I look at it! We decided against the genetic testing, but asked about having a hysterectomy anyway, for preventative measures. They are gonna check to see what insurance says about that and let me know. And then, a bit of a surprise, I have to go talk to a radiologist! She had very good reasoning to back it up, so I'm going with it. The Dr I am suppose to have a consult with is suppose to be very knowledgeable about recent and current studies dealing with radiation. They think it's just a good idea for me to get his opinion, given my age and that I'm triple negative, all that good stuff. I guess it's the same as getting a second opinion. That will happen the 1st week of Dec.. Also, that same week, I will be going to my surgeon to have my port removed!! YAY!!! I'm really excited about this, I hate the dern thing! And as long as nothing comes up, I will not go back to the oncologist office until FEB!!! I won't know what to do with myself on Wednesdays, lol! I'm so thankful the Lord saw fit for me to get through it so well. Speaking of thankful, I'm excited about seeing my family tomorrow on turkey day. Sad to say, this is about the only time I see most of them. There is a new baby in the family, new as in not even a week old, and I hope to get to see him, if him and mommy are up to it. I'll be taking my camera and hope to get some good snapshots. After we visit and stuff ourselves silly, we're gonna head to the Smokey Mtns for a wknd camping trip! Last one til at least spring. Can't wait, campfire, snuggling, hot chocolate with marshmallows! It's gonna be fun! Hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving!! And if you don't read this til afterwards, hope you HAD a great Thanksgiving!

So now what?

What on earth will I do on Wednesdays now that I am done with treatments? LOL! I still have lot of appointments, at least one a week through the end of the month and maybe even in to December. I'm not sure how long I have to have my weekly blood work. When I go next week, if my counts are ok, I will get my flu shot. It'll be the first one I've ever had, and after getting the flu two times last year, I promised myself that I would get one this year! Then blood work the week after that, and the following week will be time for my appt with the oncologist, and the week after that I have to have my port flushed. Then I know for sure that 3 out of the 5 of us have dentist appointments this month. The twins will be celebrating their 7th birthday this Sunday. Nana also has a birthday this month. And we can't forget Thanksgiving!! Wow, this month is crammed, I just thought I would get to rest since treatments are over! I have got to get major SERIOUS about my weight! Not only will it help keep the risk down for the cancer to come back, but I can't get my reconstruction done until I get some of it off. I think I will be asking for a month's membership to the gym from several family members, that would work wouldn't it? But I need to start before then, with better eating habits at least. Well, on to something different, how was Halloween? We had a good one. Despite being tired from chemo, I managed to get the kids in costume. Ethan changed his mind at the last minute. He was suppose to be Groucho Marx with the funny glasses and black hat, but ended up being a farmer. Autumn was a witch. Grayson was the cutest lil cowboy ever! It might have something to do with the fact that I was just super proud that I made his costume, very cleverly and CHEAP! For his vest, I just got some of the felt sheets at WM, cut them in a vest shape and left enough on the sides for fringe, then sewed them on a shirt he already had, and for the pants, I used a pair of his jeans and the chaps are made from a pair of pj's I had! Just cut them out and sewed 'em on! Of course I used really big stitches so I could take everything off since it was clothes he normally wears. The hat was one that Autumn or Ethan wore for kindergarten graduation, so we already had that too. His mamaw took him and bought his some cowboy boots. She bought him a sheriff's badge too but he wouldn't wear it when it came time, lol! Anyway, here are some pics so you can see for yourself.




Doug's mom took them to family close by before I got home from chemo, then I took me and Doug took them to their kindergarten teacher's house that lives really close, and then down to Doug's brother's house. And that was it, terrible isn't! Believe it or not, they got just as much candy as if we had went to 20 houses, so I don't feel bad at all! I'm tired. I was really hoping that I wouldn't feel as bad this week as I did last, but I'm not sure it's gonna happen. Last wknd was BAD! I stayed in bed all day long Sunday, and didn't do much on Monday either. I'm just glad it's over so I can concentrate on feeling better now. I'm going to Kim's tomorrow for some scrapping, but I may just work on some "thank you" cards since I haven't sent any out to those that donated to my race fund, especially if I'm not feeling good. And a special note for my aunt Barbara, thank you so much for always leaving me a comment! Love ya bunches and I hope your beach trip was great!!

Had a bit of a scare Tuesday evening. Nothing major, and "scare" might even be too strong of a word to use, but none the less, I was worried. I hadn't felt real well since last weeks treatment. I just convinced myself that it was where I had skipped the week before and was just taking it a little harder. I was so tired all week and just could not get enough sleep. Yeah, I know, that's typical side effects of being on chemo. But I have felt so "normal" up until now and I guess I have just been naive to think that I had made it this far that I would have it licked, it didn't matter that my oncologist have told me that the symptoms would occur towards the end of treatments. Anyway, back to Tues evening. I had a small energy burst and decided to do a bit of picking up in the living room, go through some of the kids' shoes and then was gonna wash some dishes that had been piling up on me. Got a few things done and vacuumed, well that made me break out in a cold sweat, soaked my shirt, and I didn't have a large area to vacuum either. So much for getting to the dishes. I had to take me a shower to wash the sweaty grime and cool myself off and then I camped out on the couch a while. I could tell my temp was going up and sure enough, the thermometer read 99.6. And I know that isn't considered high by normal means, but it isn't exactly great for someone doing chemo and have been told countless times to call someone at the office or whoever was on call if it ever got to 100.0. I tried to rest as much as I could, but that isn't the easiest thing to do with a 3yr old just getting up from a good nap and it was also time to pick up the other two from school. Got them home and their homework out of the way and I returned to my spot on the couch/recliner with my book. I feel so bad having these bad days, for Doug. If I haven't mentioned it before, we live on a cattle farm, that he takes care of almost by himself. Granted he doesn't have as much to do as some farmers, he still has livestock to feed and a few other farm chores that have to be done on a daily basis. Plus he works a full time job during the day. So for me not to feel well means that he will have to do my evening stuff like supper and bathes. I was started to get lightheaded when I stood up and a little out of sorts, my temp, had indeed, went up to 100.0. Ok, so now what? It was about 6:30 and there was probably still somebody in the office if I called, but what would happen then? I would have been happy if I would just be told to drink fluids and keep an eye on it, but I knew in my heart that wouldn't be the response I would get. It would be more along the lines of "come by the office so we can give you some iv fluids" or "head to the er so you can get iv fluids", neither of which I was fond of, and besides I would be seeing the Dr the next day. Made the decision to keep a CLOSE eye on the temp and promised myself that I would call if it went up anymore, AT ALL! It didn't, thankfully. So, get up Wed morning, feeling ok, temp is down. Get the kids off to school, get Grayson to my in-laws', yadda yadda yadda. Turns out that the symptoms will sometimes hit all at once, towards the end of treatment, instead of gradually coming on. ARGH! It seems convenient for them to leave out little, but oh so important, details! Still don't know what the temp could have been, my blood work was normal, really good actually. He says when I see him for the next appointment, in 4 weeks, he wants to talk to me about seeing a genetic counselor and have the genetic testing done. This will be to see if I carry a certain cancer markers. If I do then he will strongly recommend a total hysterectomy because I will be at a high risk of the cancer showing up in either my ovaries and/or uterus. Since Doug and I decided after Grayson was born that we were happy with our family and I had my tubes tied, this is not as upsetting as it potentially could be. There will be A LOT to think about with this test though. And I have went back and forth, weighing the pros and cons, all I have to say is that I will have to pray hard about this decision. If the insurance decides not to pay for the test, it will be $3,000.00 out of our pockets. If we go ahead and then it shows that the markers are present, my will have to deal with higher insurance premiums from now on because it means that they may potentially carry it as well. Kim brought up a very good point which I have thought about a lot, why not just go ahead with the hysterectomy, without having the genetic testing. I mean, we know we don't want anymore children, and it pretty much is the same as deciding to have my right breast removed to prevent the cancer from developing in that side. But, like I said, I won't see him again for 4wks, and I plan on doing a lot of research on the topic between now and then. Then was told I can expect to keep feeling tired for the next few weeks til I'm done and it starts working it's way out of my system. My chemo nurse said something that put it perfect perspective for me. She said that the steroids that I am on are giving me a FALSE feeling of having energy which makes me "think" I feel ok and like I can do things when in reality I don't have no where near the energy I think in turn making me over do it most of the time when I attempt something. It's just funny that something so simple can make so much sense!! Good news is that I just have one more chemo treatment to go and I AM DONE!!! WOW! Bittersweet. For the other triple negs out there with me, you know what I mean. I won't have the sense on security being able to take a pill everyday for the next 5yrs to prevent it from coming back. I have to get off of here. The twins have a field trip to the pumpkin patch today and I want to go with them. I need to decide which hair to wear, I don't the other kids asking them why their mommy's hair looks like it does. They are totally comfortable with it now, but I still don't want to make things hard on them at school, they have enough to deal with! I'll leave you with an odd fact, my very last chemo treatment will fall on Halloween day, freaky!!

Yes, I'm still alive!

You would think that I would get more comments considering that every time I go somewhere there is at least one person telling that they read my blog all the time! LOL!! Oh well, I guess that's just life, hehe. Had a treatment today, only TWO more to go!!! I can't believe it, it seems like just yesterday that I was dreading the 16 treatments and I thought that 5months sounded like an eternity. If there is anyone reading that is starting to go into this, I thought of something that might be helpful. Bug spray!!! Why, you might ask. Simple, mosquitoes consider you to be an all you can eat buffet while on chemotherapy. I'm pretty sure it has just been since starting the Taxol, honestly I just can't remember. I can go out to my car to get something and right back in the house and get at least 3 bites. We went to the survivors banquet a couple evenings before the race, and I sat and talked to the girls from the dr's office for a long while, and forgot the bug repellent. Well, just let me tell ya, I regretted that, BIG TIME!!! One of the little suckers, no pun intended, lol, must have gotten in my shirt, cause I had all kinds of bites in my back and shoulders! Between those and the ones on my ankles, me and Doug counted a whopping 21 bites!!! And that is new bites, not the ones that were already on the mend. I wasn't one to have a problem with them before either. On to other Taxol issues, I have mentioned before that one of the side effects would be tingling and numbing in the fingers and toes, but that it would be towards the end of treatment. Well, here it is, almost the end, and sure enough I have been noticing tingling sensation in my hands. It's a familiar feeling, like when you have your arm propped up on the table or something for a long time and it goes to sleep? It's sorta like that, very weird, that's for sure! I have also noticed that my legs feel very heavy, especially right after treatment and feel like jello when I have been sitting for a while then get up, but that usually fades a few days after chemo. My hair is coming back quite fast! It is really getting thick now, and it even ticks out a little over my glasses, lol! (yes, I have been made aware that the pic didn't show up from the last post, I'll fix it, sometime, lol!) I probably look like I am trying very hard, and failing very badly, at sporting a short do!! UGH, and the bloating from the steroids, oh I could just scream!! I could easily pass as being preggers, at least 7-8mos along, lol! My clothes are tight around the middle and nothing is comfy. I'll be so glad when I the water weight comes off, at least that's what my oncologist has told me, that it will come off quick. We'll see! Now, all of the chemo stuff out of the way, let me tell you about my previous wknd. It was wonderful! Just what I needed to relax and get away from "cancer" for a couple of days! Every year, for the past 6yrs, Kim and I have been going to a scrapbook crop called Croptoberfest, or CTF for short. It is held in the mountains at a baptist youth camp, so it's intended for teens, meaning the beds are uncomfortable, lol! Bunk beds at that! In bunk houses! And a tiny bathroom shared by 10-12 women! But I was a little spoiled this year, there is a private room right off the dining hall, where we scrap, that was just one bed and a private bathroom, and I was assigned there, and Kim pulled a mattress in there to keep me company! Man, was it nice! I don't mean 5 star hotel nice, but just nice that I was able to use it and not have to walk back and forth to the bunkhouses, that are on a hill, that would have drained me for sure! But a good friend of Kim's, and has since became a good friend of mine, invited us several years ago and we have been going ever since, it's a blast! We just scrap and laugh the whole wknd, I couldn't ask for anything better! I have posted a special thank you to Dianne on my blog before, well, she's the one who makes the whole wknd possible, she's amazing! She had picked up a copy of "Dear God, They Say It's Cancer" and brought me. I haven't had time to sit down and start reading it, but I did thumb trough it while I was there and loved everything I read! Lot's of great quotes and bible verses. I enjoyed being on my "soapbox" this wknd too, lol! I was able to tell my story to a feel souls willing to listen, thanks gals, you know who you are! And Janice, I'm so sorry you had to sit and listen through them all, lol. Speaking of Janice, it was wonderful spending the wknd with her, she has become a very important friend. She lives in Fl and flies into TN, we pick her up and provide her with items not feasible to bring on a plane. Then throughout the year while waiting on CTF to roll back around, we chat online, etc., just goes to show that you can have a great friendship with someone no matter what the distance between you. I didn't get near as much done as one would think considering I was there from Thurs til Sun, but I did manage to crank out a few pages and some cards, so I cannot complain. I am still trying to get caught up on my rest, but it was well worth it! Ok, I'm gonna go. I'll see if I can get the picture posted, it's of me and Doug at the beach last month and you should be able to see how my hair has grown. I might even try getting a more recent one tomorrow, it really has taken off since that beach pic was made.

I DID IT!!!!

I DID IT!!! I walked the whole 3.1miles of the Susan G. Komen Race For the Cure today! I'm beyond exhausted, but still at the same time feel better than I have in a long time! There were a few times that I would have almost gave in and rode the trolley back to the finish line, but I didn't. I toughed it out. It took me 1hr and 7min, but I done it! (see, Tory, I told you it would take me longer than an hour, lol!) There was a few things that put a small damper on things, but nothing that ruined the day. One thing, it was WAY TOO HOT!!! Here it is Oct and it was in the 90's, ugh! So we're walking, walking, walking, and I'm thinking that it should be time to start seeing a water station, I was really needing it. And, finally, we came to one and guess what, they were OUT!!! No water left. Ok, so no water, I'll just have to deal with it, I'll get some at the next station. We finally come up on the next one, and guess what, NO CUPS!! ARGH!!!! Man was I ever so upset! Finally, one of the main ladies with the tricities branch of the Komen foundation found a way to get in touch with them back at the park and told them that there were lots of people that wasn't getting water. It wasn't long til they drove their little Mule out to the back of the walk and gave us very cold bottled water!!! I don't know if I would have been able to finish without it! And ya know what, I didn't even stop and rest! Now THAT surprised even me! Something else that surprised me, I was the 3rd top fundraiser in the whole race! Thanks to so many of you, I was able to raise $1,235.00! Is that not simply amazing!?!?! Holy cow, I still can't believe that I raised that much money! THANKS TO ALL OF THOSE WHO DONATED!!! This weekend was just great, that's all there is to it. Doug and I was able to attend the survivors banquet on Friday evening, that was great. I got to chat with a bunch of the girls from my surgeons office, I LOVE these girls, I wish Geah and Donna would have been there to talk to too though. Then today I got to see everybody that came to walk with me, my dad and step-mom, my aunt Margret and uncle Glen, my sister and her husband, my MIL, BIL and SIL, my SIL's mom, my cousin Delana, my long time friend Tonya, and her sweet aunt Bobby, my friend Alice, and then my friends Amy and Mitzi got hung up in traffic and didn't make it in time to actually walk, but they were there, none the less! Oh, and I almost forgot, my dad and stepmom's friends, Dorothy and Otis. Needless to say, I was feeling pretty darn special today! I'm so blessed! And I'm gonna leave it at that!

Guess what I just did....

I walked a mile! LOL!! I know some people may be reading this and saying "so?", but that is amazing for me. First of all, I'm not in shape to do any kind of exercise, so walking AT ALL is a small victory for me, then add the fatigue from the chemo to being out of shape and overweight and it makes it a pretty big victory. I had good intentions of starting a lot sooner than this to prepare myself for the 3mi walk coming up this wknd, but I just kept putting it off til "tomorrow" and here it is just days til we walk. But this morning I really did it. Got the kids ready for school, got the little one in real clothes instead of leaving him in his jammies all day, loaded up the stroller, dropped the kids off at school, and headed over to the park. The park has a really nice place to walk and the weather was great, cool but not too cool, just right. Grayson was content riding in his "buggy", don't know where he got that from, but it was funny. There were squirrels everywhere, so it kept him busy looking for the next one. I just hope I'm not so sore in the morning that I'll talk myself out of going again. We'll see, lol!
The fundraising has really went above and beyond my expectations. I never would have imagined that I would have raised what I have, I just like $25 to meet my $700 goal!! But I haven't done it alone, Kim baked up a bunch of goodies and sold them where she works and Billy also took some to sell where he works. Kim also ordered some really pretty bracelets and sold them, and Arlene, my wonderful stepmother, sold some where she works too. And THEN, I ordered some other pink merchandise, like calendars and ink pens and stuff, and Arlene took those to work with her last night. Friends and family have made generous donations, and all are very much appreciated! I will update my thank you list when all donations have been taken. The walk/race isn't until Sunday, but there is a special survivors party on Friday night that I want to go to, then there is a concert on Saturday I think. It's just all very exciting and I'm really looking forward to it!
This round of chemo treatments are starting to show their side effects. More than likely it's the steroids. My face is puffy, my hands and feet swell really easy, my stomach is swelled a little, I can tell that my shirts are tighter around the middle, more than usual. I have also started to notice a little bit of tingling in my fingers occasionally, nothing major, but I can tell it's starting. The feeling of wanting to eat everything all the time has kinda settled down, not staying hungry ALL the time like I was. I'm just glad that I only have 4 more left! And my hair, oh my hair, I just don't know what it's doing, lol! It's growing back, pretty fast, and it's getting thicker, I can tell when I wash it that it's getting thick, but I still can't really "see" it, lol. I know that doesn't make much sence, but I can't help it. I'm guessing that it's just really light maybe. It still feels good to rub, so soft! I have a pic to show you that you can see my hair, so you can decide. The pic is of my dear husband, Doug, and me at the beach last wknd. It was a lot of fun, and very relaxing!