Scratch that!

No treatment today. Something about one of the drugs hadn't been approved by insurance. Then when I get out of the dr, I get a call from the specialty pharmacy saying they would ship my meds to me and I should get them Monday! So if all goes well, we will start on Tuesday. I think it's kinda silly that they are shipping it to my home address when I have to turn right around and take it with be to the dr office. That's pretty much all the news I have for now, just wanted to post this quick update while it was on my mind.

New treatment starts tomorrow!

I have mixed feelings about this. On one hand, I'm so ready to start, because being on no treatment at all really messes with your mind! I can't help but think about the cancer growing and spreading and growing and spreading. Plus, every little twitch and pain sends me into panic mode, thinking that it has spread somewhere new. And as ironic as it sounds, I think chemo makes me feel better, it takes the pains away. Then there is the part of me that is dreading the side effects. I was just reading up on one of them that I will be starting tomorrow, and the side effect that jumped out at me the most was the hair loss. It was almost like it was waiving it's hands and sticking out it's tongue saying "Ha Ha, you are gonna lose it again!!" Not to say that there is much to lose, it's not even an inch long. Then there is the fatigue, and the aches, and all the other common ones. I'm tired! I'm physically tired, exhausted, and I'm mentally tired! I'm tired of feeling bad all the time. I'm tired of wondering if the treatment will work. I'm tired of putting on a happy face to keep from a tidal wave of pity washing over me. It's hard to remember to turn it all over to God, and I know I can and that's what I should do, but it's just another one of those things you feel like you are suppose to be taking care of. One of the reasons I've been so physically tired is I've been running a fever for forever, it seems. Every evening my fever wants to go up, no other symptoms, sometimes there are chills, and sometimes there are not. I've been to the ER and in the hospital on two different occasions, but they cannot find the source of the fever. It gets kinda frustrating when you get fussed at by your oncologist for not going to the ER when it goes up, but when I do go, they can't find anything. But anyway, I got a call yesterday from my onc's nurse letting me know that the MRI looked good! YAY!! The only thing that showed was a little bit of sinus in my right cheek, but that has been there for a while.
I can't imagine the stress that Doug is under. Not only is he having to take care of me and the kids, his dad is not doing well at all. Honestly, we didn't know if he would make it til we came home from Florida. His kidneys are just about done, not working hardly at all. He seems to be in a daze most of the time, but he will still talk to you. He's not eating hardly anything. So please just keep him in your prayers, also the whole family.

Back Home!

We made it back home safely, yesterday! It was a long trip and I'm glad to be home! It took us a little over 9hrs to drive down there, but we did stop to eat. The room was really nice, oceanfront, very relaxing! We rested a while then went to grab something to eat. We were up bright and early Monday morning and got to the Mayo Clinic a little early. Got registered. And ended up waiting over an hour to be taken back. Dr. Patel was very nice, very thorough, we both liked her. I was a little disappointed that they didn't do anything, but that was my own fault. I guess I should back up a little. Since my dr at home was sending me all the way to Fl to see a specialist, I just assumed that they would be able to make me better. So anyway, she done her exam, asked me how much I knew of what was going on and what I expected out of the appointment. We talked for a while and she looked up some clinical trials, trying to find one closer to home. There wasn't much luck, none of them were recruiting new patients. She recommended a different round of chemo, that my dr can give me, YAY! So no more trips to Jacksonville! She did recommend that I have a brain MRI, since I told her that I had been having some blurry vision spells. She said that it was very possible that it was a side effect of the Avastin, but she wanted to be sure. Talk about getting on the ball, the ladies from my dr office already have it scheduled and I have it done today, that way my oncologist will have the results when I go see him next Thursday. I hope to be starting the new round of chemo that day too.
On another note, the kids start school Monday! We can go meet their teachers this evening, and see their classrooms. They will be starting, and I will be graduating! I'm graduating Aug.25!! YAY ME!