Just some rambling...

I don't have a whole lot to write about, but still wanted to write something anyway. It has been close to 3wks since my last treatment, next one is due this coming Tuesday, Nov. 10th. I've been really really tired since the last one, had a lot of minor aching all over, and my fingers are almost out of commission period! All of the ends of my fingers feel like they have been smashed in a car door, but my pointer finger on the left hand is really giving me trouble. It's so sore and just feels like it could bust open, I almost wish it would! And the one on my right hand seems to be getting in the same shape. Looks like I might have to ask for a break from chemo to let my hands heal some. I have a hard time opening just about anything, and even typing this is uncomfortable. The chemo in the past has made my nails come loose from the nail beds, but that's as far as they went, they didn't actually come all the way off, but I'm pretty sure that the nail on my pointer finger won't be hanging on much longer, pun intended, lol!! I know that the weather is changing, and has a lot to do with me staying cold lately, but I can usually transition to cold weather better than I have been this year. I have been freezing for the past few weeks! I just cannot get, and stay, warm! It could be one of the chemos, I plan on asking when I see the dr Tuesday. I guess a lot of it has to do with the fact that there isn't much hair on my head to keep the heat in, too! LOL! Well, my finger says its time to stop rambling and give it a rest!

Good News!

We finally got some good news on my scans! My spleen is back to normal size, my liver is going back to normal, the place in my chest wall is dead and there are no new places showing up! The power of prayer shows again! Thank you Lord! So thank all of you that have been praying, keep up the good work! We will continue with treatment just like we've been doing. It won't seem like such a task now, knowing that it's working.
Also the Komen race is this weekend and I'm looking forward to that! If you had planned on signing up to walk and didn't make it before they stopped online registration, you can still sign up. There are two ways, you can go to Dick's Sporting Goods in Kingsport on Saturday between 3-7, or you can register at the race on Sunday. Be sure to let them know you want to sign up for my team "Kristi's Krusade"!
Again, thanks for all the prayers, but keep em coming, I'm not out of the woods just yet!

Komen race info...

Ok everybody, my former teacher, Cathy Combs, has been so great as to volunteer to be my team captain this year and get things together. Here is the link to the team page Kristi's Krusades so you can make a donation in my honor, or even better, you can join the team and walk! All the information you will need to donate or register will be there on the site. Please donate so they can get closer to a cure, you really don't know what this means to me.

a much asked for update...

So sorry that it's been so long, I didn't realize that it had been almost 2 months. The past two months have held a lot, good and bad. I got my first dose of my new chemo, ixempra, which is an infusion that I will get every 3 wks. Also, the same day I started that, I started another chemo, a pill called xeloda, and I take it twice a day for two weeks, take a break for two weeks, then start it again. So far it hasn't lined up where I take the two together since the first dose, and it is a good thing! It really got me down and out, not to mention everything else that was going on within the same week. I got that treatment on a Tuesday, didn't start feeling bad til Thursday, missed two days of school that week, Doug's dad passed away Monday morning, I had graduation Tuesday, then all the funeral stuff. I was exhausted! Felt horrible that I wasn't able to be much support for Doug, wasn't able to go with him and the family to make arrangements, and wasn't able to go to the burial. The chemo was just too much for me that time and timing was terrible. Did you notice I added graduation in the mix? Yep, I finally graduated, and I am so proud of myself. Haven't been able to go to work yet, my white blood count stays low most of the time and I can't be around a lot of people, a downfall of ixempra. Also since the last time I posted, we found out we are getting to moved! Doug will be taking over his aunt and grandmother's house (grandmother passed away almost 4yrs ago, and his aunt passed away just over a year ago.) But the house has so much stuff in it, it will take a while to get it cleaned out, not to mention the few little upgrades we would like to have done. There was a water leak in one of the bathrooms a while back and the floor had to be replaced, that's his current project. So we have have been really busy with that. So that's the past two months in a nutshell. I know that a lot of people have been asking family and friends, asking me through email and facebook, and it makes me feel great that so many people care, so I apologize for letting it go so long without updating. All I can say is that I will try not to let it happen again.

Scratch that!

No treatment today. Something about one of the drugs hadn't been approved by insurance. Then when I get out of the dr, I get a call from the specialty pharmacy saying they would ship my meds to me and I should get them Monday! So if all goes well, we will start on Tuesday. I think it's kinda silly that they are shipping it to my home address when I have to turn right around and take it with be to the dr office. That's pretty much all the news I have for now, just wanted to post this quick update while it was on my mind.

New treatment starts tomorrow!

I have mixed feelings about this. On one hand, I'm so ready to start, because being on no treatment at all really messes with your mind! I can't help but think about the cancer growing and spreading and growing and spreading. Plus, every little twitch and pain sends me into panic mode, thinking that it has spread somewhere new. And as ironic as it sounds, I think chemo makes me feel better, it takes the pains away. Then there is the part of me that is dreading the side effects. I was just reading up on one of them that I will be starting tomorrow, and the side effect that jumped out at me the most was the hair loss. It was almost like it was waiving it's hands and sticking out it's tongue saying "Ha Ha, you are gonna lose it again!!" Not to say that there is much to lose, it's not even an inch long. Then there is the fatigue, and the aches, and all the other common ones. I'm tired! I'm physically tired, exhausted, and I'm mentally tired! I'm tired of feeling bad all the time. I'm tired of wondering if the treatment will work. I'm tired of putting on a happy face to keep from a tidal wave of pity washing over me. It's hard to remember to turn it all over to God, and I know I can and that's what I should do, but it's just another one of those things you feel like you are suppose to be taking care of. One of the reasons I've been so physically tired is I've been running a fever for forever, it seems. Every evening my fever wants to go up, no other symptoms, sometimes there are chills, and sometimes there are not. I've been to the ER and in the hospital on two different occasions, but they cannot find the source of the fever. It gets kinda frustrating when you get fussed at by your oncologist for not going to the ER when it goes up, but when I do go, they can't find anything. But anyway, I got a call yesterday from my onc's nurse letting me know that the MRI looked good! YAY!! The only thing that showed was a little bit of sinus in my right cheek, but that has been there for a while.
I can't imagine the stress that Doug is under. Not only is he having to take care of me and the kids, his dad is not doing well at all. Honestly, we didn't know if he would make it til we came home from Florida. His kidneys are just about done, not working hardly at all. He seems to be in a daze most of the time, but he will still talk to you. He's not eating hardly anything. So please just keep him in your prayers, also the whole family.

Back Home!

We made it back home safely, yesterday! It was a long trip and I'm glad to be home! It took us a little over 9hrs to drive down there, but we did stop to eat. The room was really nice, oceanfront, very relaxing! We rested a while then went to grab something to eat. We were up bright and early Monday morning and got to the Mayo Clinic a little early. Got registered. And ended up waiting over an hour to be taken back. Dr. Patel was very nice, very thorough, we both liked her. I was a little disappointed that they didn't do anything, but that was my own fault. I guess I should back up a little. Since my dr at home was sending me all the way to Fl to see a specialist, I just assumed that they would be able to make me better. So anyway, she done her exam, asked me how much I knew of what was going on and what I expected out of the appointment. We talked for a while and she looked up some clinical trials, trying to find one closer to home. There wasn't much luck, none of them were recruiting new patients. She recommended a different round of chemo, that my dr can give me, YAY! So no more trips to Jacksonville! She did recommend that I have a brain MRI, since I told her that I had been having some blurry vision spells. She said that it was very possible that it was a side effect of the Avastin, but she wanted to be sure. Talk about getting on the ball, the ladies from my dr office already have it scheduled and I have it done today, that way my oncologist will have the results when I go see him next Thursday. I hope to be starting the new round of chemo that day too.
On another note, the kids start school Monday! We can go meet their teachers this evening, and see their classrooms. They will be starting, and I will be graduating! I'm graduating Aug.25!! YAY ME!

Travel plans!

We plan on leaving early Sunday morning. Probably around 2am. Then swing by and pick up my sister and we will be Jacksonville bound! A good friend of mine let me know that it was a 9hr trip, but we won't be in any hurry. We have a room booked at a Best Western, about 5mi from Mayo Clinic. Thanks to all the wonderful people I go to school with, friends, and family, this trip is paid for and we shouldn't have any out-of-pocket expense, not our own pocket anyway. Just people making contributions at school, and the hotdog sale, we have over $1,400.00. God has blessed me tremendously! It really touches my heart that there are so many people care about me and want me to get well! I mean, there are guys at my school that have gave me $100-$200, and don't know me, other than I'm the one that the fundraisers are for. If it weren't for me asking, I wouldn't have even known their names! There have been donations from Sunday school classes, from the night classes at school. It just amazes me to no end! Thank you all! My appointment with the dr isn't until 8:30 Monday morning, but I have to be there at 7:30 for lab work. I'm getting a little nervous, I still have no idea what to expect. We don't know when we will be able to come home because we don't know what the game plan is exactly. They could run some tests and send me home, or they may already have a treatment plan in mind and want to start me right away. Either way, I'm thankful that I have the opportunity to go. So for everyone wondering how long we will be down there, I have no clue! Your guess is as good as mine! I do pray that I will be home by the 10th, that's when school starts. The twins will be in 3rd grade and my baby will be starting kindergarten!! I also pray that I will be home on the 25th of August, I will be graduating school that evening, and it's something very important to me to be able to walk across the stage. I'm very proud of myself for going to school, even if it was technical school and not a 4yr program.
Some of you may wonder how I'm doing physically. I've been feeling really good lately, except for yesterday and it was not so good. It could have been worse, but I just wasn't feeling good, at all. Both sides we're hurting all day, my shoulder has really been bothering me for some reason. My oncologist said that the cancer in my liver could cause some shoulder pain, although I don't understand that really, I don't know if it's that or if I have lifted something that has got it sore. My energy level has been a little better since I haven't had any chemo in several weeks.
I don't like asking for prayer, but this is one time I am asking. Pray that we have a safe trip and pray that I can be as calm as possible, lol! Thanks for the prayers thus far, and good thoughts!

The Countdown Begins!

The countdown to my Florida trip, that is. We finally have a date, Aug. 3. Just a little under 2wks. Just like anything else, there are good and bad things about that time period. At least it gives us a projected time, and gives us time to get our things packed, get the kids packed for Nana and Poppy's, and all that stuff. And on the other hand, it gives me time to worry about what is going on inside my body! That's the part I hate! But I will try to keep in mind that it could be worse, because the appointment could have been as late as the end of September! They had to get me an appointment with a different doctor than who my oncologist wanted me to see because she was booked til then. I look at it this way, if they work at the Mayo Clinic, they have to be pretty good. So anyway, Doug and I will be making a trip to Jacksonville, Fl on Aug. 2. We're gonna go down a day early so we can be rested up for the appointment, being that it's at 7:30am.
Since getting the test results from my oncologist, there has been an amazing response from friends and loved ones wanting to do what they could to help with financing the trip. The Tech Center where I go to school is having a hot dog fundraiser tomorrow. A few of my fellow classmates held a yard sale this past weekend, donating the proceeds to us. HMG's general surgery office (where my cute doctor is!) made a huge contribution, thanks Tori, and all the rest of the office staff! The patient advocate at the cancer center I go to gave us a few gas cards. We have had several cash donations as well. I just cannot express how much it means to us, to know that there are so many people that care so much. There are just no words. Thank you so much!!

So, there is good news and there is bad news!

I have recently had some tests done. Last week I had a PET scan and then this week I had a bone scan. My oncologist wanted these done so we could see how the treatment was doing and decide how many more I needed. What the scans did show, nobody expected. The good news is that the places that showed up on my scans in Feb. have responded well to the chemo. The enlarged nodes in my neck had shrunk significantly, and the places that were on the bones were showing no activity. YAY! But the bad news, there were new signs of cancer in several places. There are two small spots on my spine, more enlarged nodes in my chest, places on my spleen, and my liver. The report stated that there "were too many mets on the liver to count." So, obviously, not the news we were wanting, and certainly not what we were expecting. Thankfully I have a doctor that is not letting pride stand in his way, and admits that I need to see a specialist. We're headed to Jacksonville, Fl to the Mayo Clinic. There is a doctor there that specializes in breast cancer and he feel really confident that she is gonna be my best option at this point. He said that if it were his wife, that's who he would take her to, and that said a lot to me. I still am waiting to here from the Mayo Clinic as to when my appt is, but will post when I do find out. There is a good possibility that I have left something out, but honestly, I am mentally exhausted right now. I feel like I have been thrown into a funnel cloud and can't quite get a grip on what is going on. My mind is racing on everything imaginable. Thank you for you continued prayers and support, and I ask that you keep praying. Not only for me, but my husband and kids, as well.

In the previous post, I mentioned the benefit BBQ that the school had for me and my family, well, it was great! We ran out of to-go boxes, beans, and cole slaw, but we managed to fix it anyway. The boxes covered the delivered orders, so that wasn't really a big deal. And one of the ladies in my class went to the grocery store nearby and bought premade slaw. There were canned baked beans here in case we needed them, so we just heated those up. There ended up being various donations, one was from an office worker at one of the plants, one was from a supplier to another plant that heard what was going on and wanted to give, another was from a faculty member from the Morristown branch of our school, then there was a donation from a friend of my instructor. If it were me reading this, I would be curious to know how much was raised, so I guess I'll tell ya. After expenses were deducted (but a lot of it was donated) there was close to $1,200! Is that not just absolutely amazing?!?! The whole class came together to help out and make it all happen, so it was also a great fellowship! And then, the icing on the cake was when Jinger, from Electric 94.9, came by with t shirts and hats, and done a short radio plug. We got some pics, I just don't have them off my camera yet. It was great meeting her! I'll post when I get them loaded! Anyway, the money will be going toward the house and getting the addition finished. I'm pretty sure that it will be more than enough to get the basement portion finished. This addition has been in the works now for close to 4 yrs! The foundation has been poured and about half the block layed. But when you are doing it yourself and just buying materials as you can afford them, its a slow go. But I'm hoping this is just what we needed to make a big progress in it. Then when we get the basement completed, we have the lumber we need, thanks to my dad! If you know how to lay block, come on over! I may not be able to pay you, but I can feed you, lol!
School is going good. I'm ready to start the medical stuff. Ordered my last set of books and waiting on them to come it. They will be med. terminology, med. transcription, and med. office procedures. I think I will really like all of them. And if all goes well, I may get to graduate in August, but I'm really gonna have to bust my tail to get it done. We get a 2 wk break coming up, starting the 22nd, and we will be headed to beach on the 27th! I'm really excited about it too. My best friend, Samantha, and her family will be going too. Her kids and mine are all close in age and get along really good. We've had this trip planned since Jan. It was our Christmas present from my in-laws.
Today is my baby's birthday! He turns 5! Happy Birthday Grayson!!

Hi everybody! Obviously you have been wondering how I am, that's why you're here! I have been just fine. Well, there has been some things happen that I could have done without, but nothing I couldn't handle, after all, I do have an awesome God holding my hand every step of the way! About 2wks ago, I got a really bad rash on my head, and it looked horrible. I took pics of it since it happened over the wknd and I wouldn't be back at the dr til the end of the week. They told me it was faliculitus, or in simple terms, infected hair follicles. Ok, fine, but then it started breaking out down my face, mostly my chin and nose. I looked worse than a teenager hitting puberty wide open! Thankfully it went away in a few days, but then had treatment last week and guess what, it happened again. Not on my head this time, but the acne on my face came back, maybe a little worse, and it's on my neck pretty bad. And it's not just common acne, it's the kind that wants to stay under the skin and get really sore, so imagine that on your nose and remember that I am having to blow my nose a whole lot because of the sinus drainage caused from the chemo. Oncologist says he has never seen this happen before and so I had to remind him that they had never had anyone run a fever taking the Zometa, either, so I guess I'm just a trouble-patient, lol! That's ok, I know I'm still loved! So, anyway, he lowers my dose of steroids, hoping this might help. That was last Thursday, one week ago today, and so it must not have helped. That was a good day tho, my dad took me treatment and I really enjoyed it. We played with his gps, which he had never used before, lol, and it got us there, almost. Other than the rash/acne everything has been ok. This past week I did notice that my energy level is dropping, I get zapped really quick. This will take some getting use to, all over again, cause when you are use to being able to go go go, then all of the sudden you can't, you tend to forget easily. Another thing that hadn't missed at all has reared it's head! Losing my train-of-thought! I hated this so bad the first time around, and was hoping that since I'm so far in on treatments, that maybe it wouldn't happen this time. WRONG! You don't know how frustrating it is to try to carry on a conversation and not be able to finish a sentence without having to pause because you forgot what you were saying, and it's almost embarrassing. So if I am blessed enough to be having a conversation with you, please be patient with me, it may take me a few minutes to get my point across. On to a more positive note, here is some good news. I have mentioned several times how thankful I am for my school, all of it, the staff and the ladies in my class, well they have went above and beyond, once again! The welding instructor, who Doug and his brother both had, has put together a benefit BBQ for us. Of course, several ladies from my class are helping him do it. If you're not familiar with where I go to school, it's located in an industrial park where there are several industrial plants. So they have went around to these plants and have taken up orders, and we have just over 200 orders to fill tomorrow!!! And that's not counting the number of orders from the students at school! Lots of volunteers, including myself, are making baked beans, cookies, and/or cole slaw. The welding teacher is at the school, even as I type, smoking the meat, then we will go in the morning to help him pull and shred it, assemble the plates, and deliver them to the plants. It's gonna be a lot of hard work, but so much fun at the same time! And as a little added bonus, my favorite radio station may stop by! Electric 94.9 advertises that if you let them know about a summer event that you will be having, they just might stop by. So, I thought it couldn't hurt anything to email them telling them about the BBQ, not really expecting a response, mainly because I just emailed them yesterday morning and figured it was too short a notice, but I got a response soon after saying that they would love to come, bearing there were no problems before hand! I'm really excited about the WHOLE day! Thank you Lord for surrounding me with people with such big hearts!!!

I know, I've been a bad, bad blogger! But look at it this way, I haven't blogged in a while because I have been feeling good enough to be out doing other things besides sitting at the computer a lot! And that really is the truth, I have been feeling great, considering that the chemotherapy is litterly killing everything inside my body and I should be feeling pretty crappy. In the last post I was whining about my hair, well I took control and just shaved it off myself. After pulling it out by the handfuls for over a week, I just decided I was tired of it and took the clippers to it. It was very liberating and no where near as hard as it was the first time. Besides, I love my new wigs! It could have been that it wasn't all gonna come out, and I guess I will never know, but I'm ok with it. I went to a scrapbook crop last wknd without a wig, and even done without it one day at school this week!! At first I was worried about it bothering other people, but then I realized that if it doesn't bother me, then who cares what anyone else thinks about it! YAY, GO ME! My four year old even likes it, he woke up Saturday morning and the first words out of his mouth were "I'm ready to get bald today!" So, we shaved his head, not completely, we gave him a mo hawk, and he looks awesome!! I know I have mentioned what a great support system I have at school, including my instructor, well, here's just another reason I love them so much. Last Friday, I get a text while I was getting ready, telling me to wear jeans, but no reason why. So when I go in the class room, my closest buddies, Ronda, Barb, Tammy, Christy, and my teacher were all wearing Relay For Life t-shirts and had "Kristi's Krusade" on the sleeve! Isn't that amazing! And they had kept it a secret from me for over two weeks! There is a RFL event in Rogersville this Saturday, I hope the weather holds out for us cause I think it will be a lot of fun. If you have been keeping up with my blog for a while, you might remember that my team for the Susan G Komen race was named "Kristi's Krusade", so they decided that was good enough for this one too! I love you girls!!! Oh, which reminds me, I heard on the radio that if you test drive a new Ford at a Ford dealership, they will donate $20 to the SGK foundation, and if you do it at Fairway Ford in Kingsport, they will double it and donate $40!!!! You will need to go to this website to register and then head on down to your local Ford dealer to test drive a new car. Here's the link
Ford Cares
I'm gonna tell everybody at school to get out there and test drive a Ford! YOU TOO!!
Have you heard the song by Miley Cirus "The Climb"? I've adopted it as my theme song for right now, lol. Seriously, listen to the words of it next time it's on, very powerful and a lot of meaning. Who knows, I may even figure out how to add it here so that it will play while you read. One more funny from the four year old, then I'm off of here. The other night we were talking and he asks "mommy, you know how you get un-married?" me "no Grayson, how?" him "you get a horse!"
Needless to say that gave me a big laugh! Instead of getting a divorce, you just get a horse!

Today I got treatment number 3. So far, so good. My hair is letting loose a little bit more today. Honestly, I thought it would be all gone by now, and I'm getting a little frustrated that it isn't. Ironic, I know. It's the one thing I dread the most, yet I'm aggravated that it's not gone yet. They told me that the taxol would loosen my sinuses and make me feel like I had a head cold the whole time, and they hit that nail right on the head! I have had runny nose, congestion, sneezing, all that good stuff, plus with all the pollen, it just adds to it! I've even lost my voice a couple of different times, both from the allergies and coughing so much. Oh, and nose bleeds are a side effect too, and I had one heck of one a few days ago. It was pouring from both sides of my nose, and it lasted a good 5 minutes before I could get it to stop. I don't know if I wasn't putting enough pressure on it or what, but it just did not want to stop. Then when it did, I would have to sneeze and it would break loose and start bleeding again! Whew, that was a doozy! It seems like the steroid is gonna be nicer to me this time around, better than the first time anyway. Two years ago when I had to have it, it bloated me really bad and made me want to eat a lot, but this time, it's right the opposite. I haven't had an appetite hardly at all, and I have lost 7lbs in two weeks. So I'm thankful for that small little miracle. Actually I'm thankful for everything. I've not been nearly as sick as I know is possible, I know I have a wonderful staff taking care of me, and I love cutting up and chatting with the chemo nurses. I have wonderful friends and family that are behind me just when I need them, and even when I don't. I have lots of reasons to be thankful!

I was finally able to have my first chemo treatment this past Thursday! It was an all day event too! We did leave there til after 5pm. The next one, this Thursday, shouldn't take as long, cause I'm not having the Avastin, just the Taxol. Originally I was suppose to have the Taxol once every 3 wks, but he changed it and now I will have 3 doses of it in 3 consecutive wks. I've felt pretty yucky over the wknd. Saturday might not have been so bad, but my uncle died last week and we spent the day with family Saturday, and it's possible that I just let myself get too tired. I spent most of Sunday in bed, and today I'm still really tired and achy. It will probably work out to where I will get to feeling better by Wednesday, then I get to start over Thursday, lol. So far there has been no nausea, but I do not have much of an appetite. I'm trying to drink plenty, because the Avastin can cause kidney and bladder trouble, but when you don't really have a "taste" for something, it's hard to drink much, nothing sounds good.
That's about as long as I feel like sitting here. But I would like to thank all the special people that have sent emails, cards, comments, and most of all, prayers.

I'm home now! They let me come home around 5:00 Monday evening. It would've been sooner, but I had to wait til they done the echo on me. I should get the results of that tomorrow when I go see Dr. Pierce, my oncologist. I thought I was feeling fine, but realized that I still needed to rest some after I had gotten up and went to school yesterday. It ended up just being a half day for me. I'm still really sore and achy, mostly in my hip area. That's why I'm up at 5:30 am writing on my blog, the pain woke me up, and I'm waiting on the ibuprofen to ease it off some. I didn't sleep much at all, but I can't pinpoint what it was that kept me up.
The kids are going on a field trip today to Bays Mountain to see the new planetarium they have. Usually, I would go with them, but I just don't think that I can walk around up there today. I know they will have a great time!
Like I mentioned earlier, I will go to my oncologist on Thursday. As long as blood work comes back ok, and my kidneys are clear, I will start chemotherapy. I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

Happy Easter!

I hope you are all having a great Easter! If I were pessimistic, I would say this is the worst Easter ever, but I don't like be so negative. No, I am not happy about being in the hospital on Easter, but I am and there is nothing I can do about it. I guess I'm getting ahead of myself, let me rewind a little and start from where I left off from the last post...so on Thursday, I had an infusion of Zometa, it's to help make my bones stronger. And on the drug information sheet, there was a list of side effects and when to contact your doctor. Of course there was a long list, but the one that was my deciding factor was the one that said fever. My other symptoms were flu-like, you know, achy body, chills, and bone pain. I put off going to the er until my temp got up to 104.7!!! That scared me! Doug gave me a couple Tylenol and made me take a cold shower, but it didn't act like it was gonna come down any, so we decided it was time to let somebody else see about it. Of course it seemed like no one believed us when we told them how high my temp had gotten up to, because by they time we got there it had dropped down to 100, but they were still very thorough. After being in the er for 8 hours, they finally put me in a room. They gave me some really strong antibiotics to start off with, in case there was some kind of infection in my body somewhere, and I had an allergic reaction to it, making my head itch, hives around my hair line, swollen lips, it was horrible. And the bad part is that we didn't figure it out til the medicine was all gone! Oh yea, and my eyelids got real puffy too! The dr decided to keep me for a few days to get some fluids restored in me and to give me several rounds of antibiotics, a different kind, of course. They also have found that I have a heart murmur, and why it didn't show on the MUGA scan I had a few weeks ago is still a mystery to me. It's possible that there could be some kind of infection around my heart, like on one of the valves, and that could be causing the fever and the murmur, but my blood work is showing nothing. Thus the main reason for my extended stay, apparently if there is, in deed, and infection in the heart, it can take up to 3 days to show up in the blood work. So far, so good. I have had some great visitors tho, my buddies from school came by yesterday, and my best friend Samantha came to stay a while so Doug could go home to feed and get me some things I needed. My daddy and step mom have been here, making sure I'm getting something better than hospital food to eat, plus she picked up the last minute Easter stuff for me that I hadn't got for the kids yet.And I'm expecting some company today, I might even get lucky and get to see my kiddos. If everything goes well, and nothing actually does show up on my labs, then I may get to go home tomorrow. I'll let you know!

Have you ever had those days that you just have the feeling it wasn't gonna go your way? I felt that way this morning, and sure enough, things didn't go my way. We made to trip to Va this morning, but still didn't get to start chemo treatments. I did get an injection of Zometa, to help strengthen my bones. But there wasn't enough time to put in an order for my chemo meds and insurance approve it. They have 24hrs to decide. She did say I could come back on Monday for it, but since they try to make the treatments the same day all the time, I just asked to come back next Thursday. And I have a very good reason for that, see the biggest side effect for this treatment is probably gonna be fatigue for the first few days following treatment. So if I have it on Thursday, they are closed on Fridays, then I can have the wknd to lay around and not worry about missing school. Plus Doug would be home to deal with the kiddos, if need be. She could tell that Doug and I were both really upset that we STILL are not getting to start, so she made me a promise. She said that I WOULD get my first round of chemo next week, even if it means that she put me in her car, drive me to Kingsport to get the meds herself, and bring back to my house and administer them to me herself! Looks like I will be having Taxol once every 3wks, Avastin once every other wk, and Zometa once a month. And just when I have accepted that I have beautiful hair, I have to face the fact that it will be leaving me once again. Oh do I ever dread this part!! It was just getting long enough to pull back in a ponytail, too! I'm not trying to be rude, but I ask that no one please comment that my hair will come back, or that I will be just as beautiful without it. I know you mean well, but it's just not what I want to hear. I had the pleasure of meeting one of the patient advocates at the office today, and she was amazing. She told us about different things that was available to us, got me to fill out some papers so we could get a large part of our fuel taken care of driving back and forth there. She said she always gives a nice welcome basket to the new patients, but she was out of the ones the has for the breast cancer patients, so I'll get that next week. There is also a group of volunteers that take turns preparing a dish that can be sent home with a patient, and they draw a name from all the patients there that day for the winner, and I got it for today! It looks really good, chicken casserole, one of my most fave foods! And all we will have to do it pop it in the oven and enjoy! I was feeling a little spoiled, even if I was in a dr. office, and I liked it, lol!
Do you have big plans for the Easter wknd? I don't have BIG plans, but there are a few things I would like to do. I need to go out tomorrow and try to find the kids some shoes for their Easter outfits. My best friend, Samantha, and I want to try to take our 8yr old daughters to see the Hannah Montana movie. Then church on Sunday and dinner with my in-laws. Hope you all have a great Easter, and don't forget what it's all about!

Frustrated! That's how I feel right now. I got a call today telling me that Dr. Peirce (my oncologist) still hasn't gotten the pathology report and they were changing my appointment. I was suppose to go back Thursday, but now I won't go til next Thursday, with the anticipation of starting treatment. It didn't bother me too bad til I got to thinking about it. Dern it, I have a deadly disease living inside me, I don't want to wait another week to start killing this thing! I'm so glad I have school to occupy my mind, and time. And I'm even happier that I have the good Lord above to turn all my burdens over to.
On a lighter note, I'm taking the time to read for pleasure! I love to read, just don't always make the time to do it. If you read here on a regular basis, you know that I have recently developed sort of an obsession with Twilight. I figured since I would be starting chemo again, it would be a good time to start reading the Twilight series. Well, there are four books in the series, and I started the third one today, lol! I'm not gonna have any left by the time I DO start chemo. I wasn't impressed with the second one, New Moon, I guess it was because my fave character wasn't present in the biggest part of the book. So far, the third one is good, but I'm only on the 6th chapter. Anyway, I think I would rather be reading than writing, so I'll be back sometime!

No Treatment Today!

I can't tell you how disappointed I am that I didn't get to start treatments today. We got there this morning, had blood drawn, blood pressure, temp, all that good stuff. Then when doc comes in, he tells us that they are still waiting on the pathology report from the biopsy. When he finally does get it, it doesn't have anything on it about the hormone status, which was the main thing he needed. So today's trip was pretty much for nothing. All the other test results were fine, so that's a good thing. It was nice to see that the dr was just as mad about the path report not being complete as we were. Sorry it's such a short post, but I'm still a little miffed about the whole thing and don't have much to say. I go back next Thursday, and may or may not, start treatment then.

So tomorrow is the big day! Ok, so maybe nothing to be excited about, but to me it is a small milestone. If everything goes well, I get to start treatments tomorrow. Not that I'm excited to start chemotherapy, but I look at it this way, the sooner I get started, the sooner they will be over. It really isn't for sure that I will start tomorrow. When this appointment was made, the idea was that it would give the doc enough time to get all the results back, from the biopsy, MRI, bone scan, and MUGA scan, and he would be able to decide what treatment would be best for me. And since it's a long drive for us, they gave us an early appt with the hopes that treatments would begin immediately following the dr's visit. Keep your fingers crossed! They did call to let me know that the MRI came back clear, so my noggin looks fine, lol!
So how am I doing emotionally? I have good days and bad. And I'm better at hiding some days than I am others. But I won't lie, it's a lot harder, mentally, this time.
I know it's in God's hands, and he will take care of me, really, I do know this. But I really can't help but wonder why. Then that makes me feel horribly guilty, because questioning God is the last thing I need to be doing right now. Ok, you know what, this is not something I want to get into right now. So I'm gonna change the subject.
Twilight. I had no intentions, at all, to get wrapped up in this craze. But, I did. And I have it bad!!! I got the chance to watch the movie at school, and it was all over from there. The movie was AMAZING! The absolute best love story ever! Not that Edward Cullen is good looking, but he had me melting! Just imagine someone looking at you with those eyes, YUM-O! So a friend of mine from school brought me the first book and I'm about half way through it. The same friend made me a copy of the soundtrack, and I just about have it memorized, it is so good. If that wasn't bad enough, I had to go out and buy the movie this evening! And I'll just tell ya, I'm not the type to buy a lot of movies. We may pick up a few in the $5 bins every now and then, but the last movie I bought as a new release was Cars. That reminds me, I have wrote what I needed to write, so there is no reason why I should still be here typing when I could be watching the movie!!! Just remember me & Doug tomorrow, and keep your fingers crossed that I get some drugs, hehe!

Two tests down!

Well, actually three if I count the biopsy he done when he put in the port. Anyway, today was spent at the hospital, almost ALL DAY! I got there this morning, got checked in, all that good stuff, and they took me on back to nuclear medicine so they could inject the dye. Then she notices that my MRI isn't scheduled til noon, and this was around 10 am, so she's gonna try to get them to take me earlier. She also leaves the iv in my arm, since I have to have another dye injection for the MRI. So I sit, and I sit, and I sit some more. I had already made plans to run a few errands in between the time I got the injection and the time I came back for the MRI, but I stayed, thinking I would get in sooner. Oh, I failed to mention that the actual bone scan, for which the first injection is for, isn't until 1:30. So here I am waiting, I'm about to get frustrated, and hungry, cause that was on my to do list. Ah, and finally I get called back for my MRI, and yes, it was earlier than 12:00, it was 11:45!! UGH!!! So I get back there, they get me started, I'm still miffed. And it was cold in there, I was real close to shivering, so that didn't help matters. I did have time to run and get me some lunch before having the bone scan, even though they didn't give me what I ordered in the drive-thru, but, hey, why should things go my way today? Make it back to the hospital for the scan, and they are running a little behind, so I get to wait some more, yippee! And the girl that did the scan, if she didn't ask me 100 questions, she didn't ask me one! Any other time, I wouldn't have minded a bit, but today it just bothered me. But being the nice person I am, I just answered them and was relieved to get out of there when it was over. And guess what, I get to go back to the very same exact place Thursday morning for the MUGA scan, at 7:30 am. This time I'm taking my mp3!!!!

Well I'm the proud new owner of a brand new shiny port! (at least I think it's shiny, they said it was titanium) Anyway, everything went fine today. I got there on time and they took me straight back and got me prepped. Dr. Holt was about 10 minutes late, but that's ok, since he was in another surgery I guess I can't say too much. The nurses that cared for me were so nice, couldn't have asked for better. Right now it's about 7 hours post-op, and I'm starting to get the feeling back and getting pretty sore. The only restriction I have is not to lift anything heavier than a gallon of milk, lol, and they told me to go by that for at least 7 to 10 days.
I need to thank each and every one of you that have emailed me, called me, and left comments here, your kind words and prayers are better than anything right now! Thank you so much, and may God bless each one of you!

And the ball starts to roll...

I had my appointment with Dr. Pierce yesterday, he was my first oncologist two years ago, but had moved to a different office in Virginia. To have spent two hours listening to him talk, I still don't really know anything different. But I'm not complaining, that's the very reason I love this dr! He makes sure that Doug and I understand whats going on before he lets us leave. He's also very good about keeping up with the latest studies and research, so if there is something new to try, he knows about it. As a matter of fact, he told us he would be going to a conference in May for a lecture on triple negative breast cancer, which is what I have. Thankfully, there are more and more studies being done for triple neg, whereas, two years ago there were not that many. So this is a good thing for me!! Anyway, back to my visit, I left happy. I could leave you hanging at that, but I won't. He said that although he knew he couldn't have prevented it from coming back, he's pretty sure that he could have caught it sooner, had he still been caring for me. But we can't rely on the "what-ifs" so I'll just leave it at that. We still don't have a treatment plan in place, but for a good reason. He wants the biopsy results before he makes any definite decisions. He wants to make sure that it is, for sure, the breast cancer relocated. There is a possibility that it's a different kind of cancer all together, like lymphoma, so of course it would be a waste of time and resources to treat it as breast cancer if it's not, in fact, breast cancer. And your question now is, when is the biopsy? I have to be at the surgery center at 9:30 a.m. on Friday 13th! ACK!!! Good thing I'm not superstitious, huh! But Dr. Holt will perform the biopsy and put the port back in all at one time. Doesn't it sound fun? At least I like the dr!!! This will make the 3rd time I've been put to sleep, and the 4th procedure he has done on me! And then next week, I will be having a MUGA scan to make sure my heart is strong enough for chemo, a nuclear bone scan to so Dr. Pierce can get a closer look at the spots on my bones, and a MRI to make sure that the brain is clear of any spots. Those things will be done on the 17th and 20th, I think that's what I wrote down. The downside to seeing Dr. Pierce was that it's close to a two hour drive. The thing that makes it nice, besides being able to have him and Kelley back on my team of dr's, it's a new facility and it's super nice! There is no comparison with the last office he was in. The chemo treatment area then was a small room lined with recliners, which if several people reclined created an obstacle course for the nurses, and one tv that no one could ever hear, the chemo area in this new place was unbelievable! There were probably triple the chairs, there were half walls between each recliner, and a flat screen tv for EACH chair, oh and one whole wall was windows so you could see the gorgeous mountains of Va. I'm sure that he mentioned other things, but honestly, I can't remember half of what was said, I had a headache while I was there and it was hard focusing on what he was saying.
There is my update! Thanks for all the well wishes and prayers, they mean more than words could express!

I haven't posted in a few days mainly because after venting in the last post, I felt a lot better and it hasn't been on my mind as much. It also helps that there were no dr appointments last week. So I've been feeling great and haven't been too down and out. The weather has been beautiful here in East TN. Over the wknd, Doug and I went out to dinner and a movie with one of the best friends I have, Samantha, and her hubby. We had a really good time, ate some Japanese then hit a movie, Mall Cop. It was a funny movie! Then on Sunday, we went to pick up the kids at my dad's and spent just about all day outside playing. It was really nice! Today was pretty great too, I met up with some friends at school and went shopping, we also had some yummy lunch! Tomorrow I have an appointment with the oncologist, I guess I could call this one my second opinion. Not that I think he will tell me anything different, but if you recall, I didn't care much for the other one. I'll post tomorrow evening with an update, if I don't forget!

Emotional Overflow!

I am having an emotional overflow! I have been MAD! There is no one to be mad at, but I am mad! Mad that this thing has reared its ugly head again, mad that I will have to go through treatments again, mad that my family has to deal with this again. This just isn't fair! Yea I know life isn't fair, but I just need to have my little tantrum. I'm scared! More so this time because I know what lies ahead and I know what to expect. I know that I'm gonna feel crappy, and tired, and possibly sick. And, honestly, I just do not want to do it. But I know I have no choice, like I said, I just need to have a little fit, get it all out, and maybe I will feel better. Feel sorry for myself for a few days, get over it, and face this beast head on. Aside from the emotional feelings overwhelming me, the physical feelings have already started. I'm talking about the pain. Started already? Well, I think that it has been bothering me before, I just had no reason to pay any attention to it. But now that I know what it is, I swear, it hurts a lot worse. Silly isn't it? It's probably all in my head. The hip has been bothering me today, for real, and it has gotten even worse since I came home from school. Not to the point where I feel like I need anything for it, but definitely enough to make me uncomfortable and to know that it is there. Now, every time I feel anything anywhere in my body, it makes me nervous. My shoulder has been bothering me, but I know it's from a recent injury, but still I can't help but let the thought run through my mind that maybe there is a cancer spot there too, and it just didn't show up on the scan. That's so silly, I know. Well, now that I have had my little pity party, I need to go get some things ready for tomorrow so I don't have as much to do in the morning.

If it walks like a duck...

If it walks like a duck, and it sounds like a duck, more than likely, it's gonna be a duck! That's what the dr told me when he didn't think we should do the biopsy. And that's ok with me. Then after he thought about it a few minutes,he remembered that I was triple negative the first time around, and there is a SLIGHT chance that it could have changed this time to a hormonal cancer, and that would be a good thing, it would mean that there would be more treatment options! He is sending me for a second opinion, the appointment is 3/10, but they will call me before then if they have a cancellation. Then when that appointment is done, then we will schedule to have another port put in and he will do the biopsy then, all at one time. That's all I know at this time, I'll update you as I am updated.

I'm back! But so is the cancer! I know, not the kind of update that you wanted to read. I went last Tuesday, the 17th, for my 3 month check-up, and they found a lump in my neck. So then on Friday, the 20th, I went for a PET/CT scan and then back to the cancer dr on the 24th. The scans show that there is a cancer spot on my right hip bone, one on my pelvic bone, one on a left rib, one on the breast bone, plus the swollen lymph node in my neck. That was a hard blow to the stomach, going in to get news on the lump in my neck, only to get the news that it had spread to so many places. Course of action? Unknown at this point. I do go to my surgeon today for a biopsy on the place in my neck. (I always look forward to seeing him, uh-hum, I mean all the ladies in the office ;) Anyway, hopefully it is something that he will be able to do in the office and it won't have to be put off til another day.
I already knew that I had an amazing support group behind me, but it has grown so much since the first go round. My "school family" has been amazing! I have teachers, from other classes besides the one that I am in, that have come over just to let me know that they are praying for me. Four of my closest friends in the class, and two instructors went in and bought me a gorgeous Peace Lily with 3 pink roses stuck down in it. (I will try to post a pic soon) They have started a morning prayer around the flagpole, daily. (this wasn't just for me, but I'm still glad to be a part of it) My teacher has been incredible, making sure that I know that she is willing to work with me on my attendance when the treatments start. I am so blessed!
Although I know that I have God beside me all the way, and that I have millions praying for me, friends that are willing to do whatever I need for me, but still, I am scared. I've been told over and over, how strong I am, but right now, I don't feel too strong, I feel scared, I feel angry. So if you pray, and you say a little prayer for me, don't pray that the cancer will vanish, pray that God just give me a little extra courage, a little extra strength, and a little extra comfort. And also pray for my sweet husband, not only is he having to take all this in, but his dad is in really poor health living with colon cancer and sclerosis of the liver.