Emotional Overflow!

I am having an emotional overflow! I have been MAD! There is no one to be mad at, but I am mad! Mad that this thing has reared its ugly head again, mad that I will have to go through treatments again, mad that my family has to deal with this again. This just isn't fair! Yea I know life isn't fair, but I just need to have my little tantrum. I'm scared! More so this time because I know what lies ahead and I know what to expect. I know that I'm gonna feel crappy, and tired, and possibly sick. And, honestly, I just do not want to do it. But I know I have no choice, like I said, I just need to have a little fit, get it all out, and maybe I will feel better. Feel sorry for myself for a few days, get over it, and face this beast head on. Aside from the emotional feelings overwhelming me, the physical feelings have already started. I'm talking about the pain. Started already? Well, I think that it has been bothering me before, I just had no reason to pay any attention to it. But now that I know what it is, I swear, it hurts a lot worse. Silly isn't it? It's probably all in my head. The hip has been bothering me today, for real, and it has gotten even worse since I came home from school. Not to the point where I feel like I need anything for it, but definitely enough to make me uncomfortable and to know that it is there. Now, every time I feel anything anywhere in my body, it makes me nervous. My shoulder has been bothering me, but I know it's from a recent injury, but still I can't help but let the thought run through my mind that maybe there is a cancer spot there too, and it just didn't show up on the scan. That's so silly, I know. Well, now that I have had my little pity party, I need to go get some things ready for tomorrow so I don't have as much to do in the morning.