The day that changed our life!

Here it was, April 4th, 2007, the day we went to see Dr Holt for him to give us the results from the biopsy. Kim was at work, she had called while I was getting ready to see how I was doing, so I should have been surprised when we pulled in the parking lot and there sat Kim in her car, but I wasn't. Not in the least. She needed to be there for me, and she was. You can't imagine all the things that was going through my mind. As I said in a previous post, I knew deep in my heart that is was cancer, but still there is that one voice that keeps telling me that I'm being silly, that it's not gonna be cancer, I'm too young! And even if I say that it's ok if it turns out to be cancer, that's doesn't make it any less scary. Doug and I was taken back to one of the exam rooms, and Kim waited in the front. I had prepared myself mentally to either hear benign or malignant, but wasn't ready when Dr. Holt walks in the room and says "it is cancer". NO! It can't be! NO! He did NOT just say that out loud. Please take it back, please. Why me? I'm in a great marriage, I have 3 beautiful little kids, I don't harm my body with smoking, drinking, or drugs. so why me? He proceeded to tell us what my options were and that he was gonna get me some things to read that may help us understand it a little better, and he leaves the room. Kim. Please get Kim and bring her back to where I was. She comes in and for the first time I have to say it. We broke down together, holding one another, and holding on tight! We were told that we could have the room for as long as we needed and then was left alone to soak in what we had been told. So now what? I had to walk through that door and face the world in a whole different way than how I had entered it. How was I gonna do it? I wasn't ready to do that! Can't I just stay in that one little exam room where no one else has to see me and I don't ever have to say it out loud again? Won't it just go away if I do that? No I can't, and no, it won't! The good Lord above had to be shoving me out of that exam room that day because I didn't do it of my own will. And He knew that once I got out that I would be ok, and I was. God provided me with the sweetest peace in my heart and I was ok!
I'm trying, a little at a time, to get this story up to now. It's almost there/here. Be patient. Again, thanks so much for the prayers, well wishes, comments, and everything else!