Not too bad...

Today's appointment, that is. It wasn't bad at all. Kim left work to be there with me and Doug, but then had to go back for the rest of her shift. I'm so blessed to have such a great support system! We really liked the oncologist, he went into a lot of detail with us and made sure we understood everything, gave us plenty of time to ask questions, and didn't make us feel rushed or that he needed to get on to the next patient. And, gosh, I'd say we were in there talking to him for an hour and a half, if not longer! Looks like I will be having chemo, and I'm thinking he said it would last over a course of 5 months. So they went ahead and contacted Dr Holt to have him put in a port while I'm in surgery. They will place that right below my collar bone and that's where I will receive all my chemo treatments, because the chemo would just burn my veins and damage them too much. I think losing my hair scares me more than any of this. I know it will grow back, and I don't even know if "scared" is the right word to use, but that's what I am dreading. I asked what the chances are of this cancer developing somewhere else in my body later down the road and he told me it depended a lot on the results of my lymph nodes. The more nodes affected by this, then the greater the chance of it coming back or developing somewhere else. I will be getting chemo every 2 wks for 16wks, so 8 chemo treatments. I think that's right, there was so much to take in today that I can't remember half of it, lol! I am scheduled to have a MUGA scan done Monday morning, and that will be checking my heart to make sure there isn't any problems that hasn't showed up elsewhere. All this stuff is starting to sink in some what, but still not all the way, it seems so surreal. It's like I know I have cancer, and I can say it a million times a day, but I'm not listening to myself. I guess that makes no sense at all, but I don't know any other way to explain it. And I try not to think about it no more than I have to, but does that make it denial? I just cannot thank God enough for the strength he has blessed me with to deal with this. Oh, and the dr also told me that I won't be able to be in crowded places a whole lot on count of my blood count may be too low at times and I will be at risk of infection. And was told that my summer vacation would probably not be a good idea, that was disappointing, but I understand. I really hate what this is doing to everyone around me! Our beach trip has to be cancelled because mom's sick, and they aren't old enough to really understand that. But, I can look at it this way, they are young enough that they will get over it and be happy go lucky within the same day! We have decided to go camping again this wknd, and take the kids to Dollywood! Thanks, Nana, for the passes!! Well, again tonight, I'm just flat out exhausted, so I'm signing out. Have a good wknd, just in case I don't get a chance to sit back down here tomorrow!