Random thoughts and such...

Here it is Monday morning, and things are back to normal after a fun filled wknd! Got the kids off to school, Grayson had to have his chocolate milk and watch Spongebob, and I get a few minutes to enjoy the world wide web. I'll start with a re-cap of the wknd. We pulled the camper to Servierville Fri evening, Kim and Billy had been there a couple of hours and were already set up and had a great big pot of chili waiting for us! It was great too, with all the fixins, corn chips, cheese, and sour cream, YUM! Ok, anyway, we got up Saturday morning and it was cool, cloudy, and rainy so we did a tad of shopping before deciding to go on into Dollywood. Met up with Nana so we could get our passes. Eventually the sun popped out and it ended up being really nice, enough so that we stayed til closing! Doug and Billy took the twins on the bumper cars and they loved it! Grayson enjoyed the little kid rides, and we all rode the train. We rode lots more, but I'm not gonna list everything. Then yesterday, Sunday, Kim took Grayson home with her and me and Doug took A & E back to DW. They had an even better time then! We got there earlier, so we rode some of the bigger rides without having to wait in long lines. I was amazed at the reactions from them, Ethan absolutely loved the Blazin Fury, and Autumn was scared, but it was so fun! We got soaked on the Mtn Slidewinder, and Autumn screamed the whole entire time, funny!! Nothing like a theme park filled wknd to keep a person's mind off of cancer! Not that I would have been thinking of cancer, but more thinking on the fact that I would be losing my breast in a few short days! No matter what or how much I have to keep me occupied, after it's all said and done, I am still gonna wake up Thursday evening without any. That's a lot to take in. It's been a little harder since I found out that I will have to wait for my reconstruction, since there will be a long period of time that there will be nothing there but a healing incision. At least with the reconstruction, I was still losing my boobs, but there would have been something there afterwards, but now, there will be nothing and I am gonna have a really hard time with that, I already am! Sure there will be prosthetics, but when it comes time to bath or go to bed, even those won't be there. I have caught myself feeling scolded, almost like I am being punished for complaining about have large breasts at one time or another, or for being aggravated with them for some reason. I know this is not the case, but still can't help but have those thoughts ever now and again. And believe me, it doesn't help knowing that my hair will be going either! Which reminds me, I have an appointment tomorrow to have it cut. I'm gonna go with a short do so that it won't be so much trouble to take care of after surgery. I bought me a gown over the wknd to take to the hospital, now I need to get me a bag packed. I'll only be there overnight, unless something comes up. I just hope and pray that when he checks the lymph nodes that they will be clear, and if it has spread to them, that it will be very few. I don't know if I mentioned it in the last post or not, but the more lymph nodes affected with cancer, the higher the chances are that the cancer will spread or develop in another area of my body. Oh how I wish this were all over with!
I got the sweetest little bear in the mail Friday! MO sent me a little avon breast cancer awareness bear and a beautiful card, thanks so much Michelle, it made my day!!